Indian girls who are now in US. Mother in law issues?
My mother in law who at first looked very open minded is not so and I realized when she visited us recently for the first time in US. She does not like her son cooking with me, she does not like when I talk more than her with my FIL as she thinks DIL's should talk more to MIL than FIL but she can only talk kitchen stuff unlike my FIL who can talk on anything. She wants me to cook with her in the kitchen and not involve my husband and gets upset on very small things like when we go for groceries and I am walking with my husband ( as I am use to ever since we got married) she gets angry. She taunts that this is her son's house and so it mainly belongs to her and I just keep quiet. When she is angry she will ask everyone for food but not me but I don't do that to her even if I am angry. She will stop talking and I took initiative atleast 10 times and went to her myself with something or the other but this time I let it go and stopped talking to her. She wants me to discuss cooking in the kitchen but says no for my every suggestion. well i can go on and on.... but tell me if she will ever change? girls who come to US after marriage have had similar issues and please share your stories and how they turn out eventually?
My mother-in-law continues to come over to our house unannounced. How can I stop this behavior?
Step into my office.I have the same problem. My MIL has zero respect for boundaries and has been a rather toxic person in my husbands life, and her intrusive behavior has tormented him for a long time. The women he dated before me couldn’t recognize her behavior as pathological and left him feeling like he was the crazy one. I saw through her in a heartbeat.We kept asking her to give us a heads up first, and she wouldn’t. Or it would be like “hey I’m in the neighborhood” as if she didn’t have to drive 2 hours to get to our home. It got worse when she moved 3 minutes down the road (much to my chagrin), and if she wasn’t spending several days a week at our home she felt we were shutting her out. I had enough. My husband had enough.SoYou need to be clear about your boundaries. Right now, you’ve been setting the precedent of letting her behavior slide. I think that in order to expect change, you have to be clear about the boundary you want.“Linda, we need you to call before you come over. We like spending time with you, but it’s really disruptive when you just drop by. Now isn’t a good time, so if you’d like to give us a call we can set up a visit.”Don't let her try to weasel in the door. If it helps you, step outside to speak with her. That’s what I do with my MIL. Don’t set up a time while she’s there. She needs to respect your boundaries and follow the protocol you’d like to establish.If she continues to show up unannounced, you reinforce the boundary.“Linda, we’ve talked about this. We’ve asked you to call and set up a time to visit. We need you to respect that.”Don't let her drop things off. Don’t let her “Can I just tell you…?”“I’m sorry, Linda. You can hold onto that until you set up a time to visit.”Maintain your boundaries. If you’re like me, it’ll feel like it goes against the courtesy and politeness you were raised to have. It’ll feel awkward at first, but you need to be a united front with your husband and keep to the rules you set.
How do you deal with a nosy mother-in-law?
talk to your BF. tell him what you think. if he truly loves you he will do anything to make HIS family hapy. otherwise i am sorry to say there is NO HELP AT ALL with mother in laws. they are a b***h! let him know where you stand and that if he doenst help make this better fro you, then you and his baby girl may have to be on your way with out him.
I lost my temper and yelled at my Mother-in-law! How do I deal with my feelings after the fact?
I have been with my husband for nearly 6 years now. It is no big secret that his family was not crazy about me from day one, but we have tolerated one another for my husband's sake. Many things have happened where they were attempting to alienate me/sabotage our relationship. Once my husband realized this, he stepped in and handled it, and I backed off a bit. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to bite my tongue and endure things that have just crushed me emotionally! Yet, I have done the best I can to forgive and move forward my my HUSBAND's sake. No matter what has been done to me, I have NEVER in 6 years even raised my voice to my Mother In Law!!! Regardless of my feelings for my in-laws, I am mature enough (I am in my mid-thirties!) to respect that she did give birth to my husband, and have tried to treat her accordingly! This is not to say I have not made mistakes or errors in judgement, but we all have. Well, last night, she came to our home and flat out refused
Is it Kidnapping if my Mother in law takes my son after I said no?
I need help finding website’s about Grandparents rights and so on. I have tried to look myself but all I have found is custody and visitation information. I am married to my son’s Father and we were marred before I became pregnant. So according to the information that I have found my Mother in law has no rights to my son unless my husband and I get a divorce or he passes away. We are very happy so there will not be a divorce, trust me my Mother in law has tried her best to get my husband to leave me. Ok for you to better understand what I am asking I should tell you what happened. My Mother in law was baby sitting, she calls me and asks if she could take my son out of town with her, I tell her NO over and over again. (She likes to ask until I give in but this time I would not give in.) She finely gave up and said ok I will see you soon. I show up to pick him up him up, it had only been 5 minutes and they were gone. I flipped out and called her yelling. She told me that she had every right to take him because she is his Grandma. Is this true? I tell her no and she took him out of town, can she do that? I would think that would be kidnapping. Some one just told me that since she was baby sitting that it was not kidnapping. I don’t understand if the Mother of a child says NO in my eyes that would be the end of it and you have to do what they say when it comes to their child. My Mother in law almost never baby sits any more and I do not take my son over to see her very much because she treats me like crap and I don’t think that it is healthy for my son to see his mother treated that way! Taking off with my son is not the first thing she has done, she has refused to give my son back to me and much more. I’m sick of it and I need to know what rights she has as a Grandmother. It’s not like I don’t want her in his life but I don’t trust her. So the only time he gets to see her is when my husband or I stay with him. I never stand up for myself when she talks down to me because my son is always in the room and I don’t want to disrespect her in front of him. I don’t know what to do and I really need answers because the next time she takes my son out of town or refuses to give him back I want to call the cops on her but I need to know that they will do something about it before I call them.
Before i go insaine! my mother in law is pissing me off! advise needed!!?
OH HOW I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I have done it for 30 years. My husbands mother had our son turned clear against me. I was NOT allowed to even say a word to his mother. She would say all sorts of Rude Crap. When she found out I was pregnant with our son shecame to me behind her sons back and Called me a WHORE. Told me she would pay the $200 dollars and get me a abortion and pay me money to go any place I wanted just to get out of her sons life. I sai NO. And so the fight was on. His mom and dad are divorced. So he has a mom and step father and a dad and step mother. They are all 4 trouble making creeps. They treat me like dirt. But If I repay the favor I am in real trouble. Or used to be. About 4 years ago I would have these migrainesso bad I would end up in the emergency room for pain therapy. Anyway this Foreign Doctor told me if I was gonna Live the Stress they Would no Longer treat me. I said OK. So We went to his moms that weekend for some wood she gave us to burn. And she went off on me. Talking to his sister behind my back. God She sure is getting FAT! Boy all she does is sit on her BUTT doing nothing, And I don't Remember what All Well one of my Migraines started. I had to go to the truck and get my pills and take 2 to stop it. So I finally decided why Do I have to be on Drugs to live with them. I had my fill and I went Clean off on the Old Woman and her Husband. What I am saying is sometimes you have to set Bounderies in your home. If they come to see you then they have to Follow Your Rules in Your House Or be asked to Leave. It really works. You do NOT have to Take their VERBAL ABUSE there are Laws. And In Your Home They can be asked to leave. If not you may have to call the police to have them removed. Trust me it works.
My future mother-in-law keeps accusing my fiance and me of disrespecting her, but she shows zero respect towards us. What can I do to change her?
She seems to be struggling with the fact that her son has grown up. See the thing is that even if he is old enough he doesn't behave so.Disapproval is a way to make him, and now you, stay in the child mode.If you don't mind answering… what is the reason that an unmarried couple is living with a parent? That. Right there, is the reason she is unable to accept that you guys are.. Indeed. Grown up. The nest is not empty. But now has two babies to look after. Apart from the jealousy and other insecurities of being left alone, surfacing.If you are unable to move out. You need to speak, act and come from objectivity. More importantly her boy does.If you cannot even express it aloud, that the door needs to be shut for the sake of privacy then it is indeed a fact that both of you need to grow up as individuals.Get yourself out of there if you can. But I doubt if things will remain rosy. They would if you both work for it, sure.But I've usually seen that when you take away leaning posts and the common problem, the two young people usually fall into confusion and disarray. There is nobody left to blame or pin all your excuses on. That's when you really start your relationship. Minus third wheels.Speak clearly. Honestly. Bring out the elephant in the room. By addressing it directly. What is okay and what is not okay with you, only you can outline. Not her. It's your boundary. You have to respect your own self before you can wish for it from someone else.Be careful of being pushed into the child mode. It's an automatic hook. And a small guilty child is not capable of standing up for himself only an adult can.Treat her like a friend and an equal. And you'll know what to say and do. An adult does not need permissions.Get out of this weird emotional threesome. Stop trying to please her. Stop asking for permissions. Close the door firmly. And don't open it till next morning. Speak straight. Like.. “how does it disrespect you if I have sex with my partner?” are you uneasy that we have sex? Is it not you who is disrespectful of us?”Yeah go bell that cat. :l not easy but you gotta. I wish you luck.