My son hates me, how do I deal with this?
It is really important for you to find a professional, like a psychologist, to talk to. You need to do a couple of things. First, you need to find a way to be happy and fulfilled even if you never reconnect with your son. This isn't to downplay your desire for a relationship. It will actually help create the opportunity for a relationship. When we come across as really needing something, it can actually show so much in our way of talking and acting that we can put the other person off. Strange as it sounds, when you are in a place to be most accepting of living without a relationship with him, that is probably when he will really start opening up. Next, you need to have a chance to really explain the decision that you made and what your son went through to a professional. It is very possible that you did the right thing and have nothing to apologize for. However, maybe there is a possibility that some sort of apology needs to take place or at least a discussion of how your actions did result in some pain for your son, even if the outcome may have been for the best. Also, you can explore with the counselor whether something may have happened to your son while he was away. If there was some form of inappropriate behavior/abuse that occurred that you don't know about, he may be associating you with that experience. He might be too ashamed to admit what happened but too pained to connect with you because of the reminder. A psychologist can help you process these kinds of possibilities, give you tools for enduring without a relationship at this time, and suggest ways to keep showing that you love your son unconditionally now and that you are ready when he is to take the next step. The father/son relationship is so very crucial and so very complex. Seek help, keep working on it, and keep up hope. When people change, they are chipping away at a wall from the inside. You can't see it while it is happening. You only see it when they have finally broken through. It seems like a miraculous, sudden event, but it isn't. Because the work is invisible, you need to stay positive and open while your son has a chance to work through his own issues. I wish you the best.
My son hates me?
All the time i've lived with him he has been saying he hates that im his mom & that he wishes for me to go to hell. I've been divorced from his dad since he was 8 & now he saying demeaning words to me. He is 15 years old & will admit that I did huge mistakes with him. One time, a man seduced me while my son was walking home from school & my son was 13 at the time & he walked in & he snapped & left my house for a few hours. The man wasn't my boyfriend, but he had a thing for me at the time. When my son came back, he has been calling me a whore & a b*tch for sleeping with a man. He is a very good student in school & muay thai that his dad taught him at a very young age. He decided to move in with his dad. I miss my son soooo much he doesn't call me, he forgets my birthday, he never says I love you anymore. I remarried again & he called me just say im a whore. I gave birth to a new baby & I called him & he said, "oh so now you have a new kid to replace me huh?" & he also told me that he wants nothing to do with little piece of sh*t. The man that seduced me is now my bf. I also have another son that is 13, but he lives with me & he also knows muay thai. Why does my son hate me?
My son hates me after I had an affair?
I think the best thing you can do is write him a heartfelt letter. If you try to have a conversation with him in person asking for forgiveness and acceptance, it could get heated. In a letter, you can write it out and revise what your going to say, and make sure things are perfectly phrased before you get into contact with him. Once it's written, you could either drop it off at his house, mail it to him, or get a relative your still close to to give it to him. Whatever you do though, I think you should try to make it anonymous, labeling it as "please read, important" or "an explanation". If its labeled with a title that evokes mystery, he'll be urged to open it to see who it's from and what it's about. If it says it's from you, he may not even bother opening it. If you can get him to open it and at least read the first line, that may be enough to get him hooked on reading more. All of us are by natire tempted to read on when we're given text that's addressing us. Also, I think you should get your ex husband on your side. Tell him that although you don't want to be his friend or even his acquaintance, you'd at least like to be civil enough to work together with him on providing your son with a full, healthy life. Tell your ex that in the long run, having an absent mother will harm your son, and tell him that you only want his help because you feel as if it will benefit your son, not yourself. In the long run, you both have one thing in common; a mutual son you both love. Both of you want to make him happy, and he should be able to help you regain contact with him if he feels as if he's doing it for his son's happiness, not yours. Good luck
Why does my 18-year-old son seem to hate me?
If he is living with you don't allow him to treat you this way.It's rude and disrespectful! I think I would have a talk with him or tell him to leave my home. if he isn't at home pull away from him until he grows up and learns how to act like a man
We got a divorce and now my son hates me?
The ex has bad mouthed me and I know it because my 13 yr old daughter tells me. He has finally quit but the damage is done when it comes to my son. My daughter i have no issues with but she sees what he is doing. My son doesn't though. I don't want to lose my son but I feel that I am. He can be with me and we have a good day and towards the end he gets mean and pissed like he's not supposed to have fun with me. I have custody with regular standard every other weekend. I let the kids go to their dads when they ask so that they don't feel as if I'm keeping them from him. My son asks to go all the time. My daughter..not so much. I just need to know how to deal with him. I dont want him to think it's ok to turn his back on me and walk away. I feel like I can't be to hard or to soft either way I feel I'm failing him. I plan on getting him into counseling and I hope that helps but I still dont know how to treat him now!
My 14 year old son says he hates me!?
This is the first time I have posted in yahoo but I am really upset right now. I love my son very much and only want the best for him but I can't seem to get through to him. He spends most of his spare time playing games on his computer and I keep telling him that he needs to spend less time playing and more time studying. His grades are not so good. He doesn't seem to understand how important this is for his future. He just gets really upset at me and says he can't stand me, that I think I'm so smart and that he hates me. How can he say that when all I want is for him to do well? It really breaks my heart when I see how little respect he has for me and the hurtful things he says. I keep thinking things will change but now I just don't know. He's my son and I just want him to be the best he can be and he just couldn't care less about what I have to say.
My son hates me. How should I handle this?
Parenting is a sacred trust. And, regardless of the practical reason for leaving, the intrinsic feeling you leave your wife and children with is a violation of trust. I have never seen a returning parent successfully overcome that violation, and I have seen plenty of attempts. Sometimes, some civil kind of relationship eventually develops, but this is like cutting a branch off a tree and trying to splice it back on. It will never be the same.Well, that’s pretty gloomy, but there is a little light at the end of the tunnel. His words were painful, right? They were meant to be painful. They are his only option to seek revenge. I think to some degree, you just need to be available to him, and probably let him say some more vengeful things. At some point, maybe he will feel like he has inflicted enough pain, or just plain runs out of steam. Then, you just might be able to reach out without getting your hand slapped, and very slowly start to build whatever relationship can be salvaged. But, he is hurting right now and you have to respect that. If you try to rationalize it, try to convince him of anything right now, it’s not going to end well, in my opinion.There is hope of sorts. If he thought you weren’t worth knowing, he would have just turned and walked away.
My son hates me and he was my only motivation to succeed. Now what?
I can't say I know how you feel because I'm not you. But, I'm in a situation where I have not been able to raise my daughter other than the every other weekend and 2 weeks during the summer. She's been told a whole lot of lies about me over the years and I learned very early on that trying to tell her the truth didn't work because she was told I was evil.In the same breath, my daughter is the reason I am here today. I've written about it in another answer. She saved my life when she was just a little girl and she doesn't even know it. She really is the driving force behind all I do. My recovery from drugs. All the work I've done with mental health and that I continue to do. And no matter what, I'll always love her and be here for her.Something I told myself a long time ago was that the things I do aren't for her mother. They aren't for her step father or her grandparents and they aren't for me. They are for my daughter. Sometimes I have to make decisions that really hurt. Many times my daughter has no idea what I've done or sacrificed for her. And there are definitely times, especially since I'm not the one raising her, when she says or does something and it feels like my heart has been ripped from my chest.I keep loving her and I keep showing her that I love her. I keep being in her life in every way I possibly can. I keep trying to better myself in every single way I possibly can and I keep trying to be an example. My hope is that she will notice this. She already has noticed many things. I'm always open and honest with her.I try to live my life by a set of values that are very important to me. There are many who will recognize them.LoyaltyDutyRespectSelfless serviceHonorIntegrityPersonal courageAnd show your child that you love him. There's nothing you can do to change the past. But the future is in your hands.I wish you the very best.
Why does my 13 year old son suddenly hate me? I don’t take it personally.
Adolescent moratorium. Our brains, like our bodies, go through developmental stages. You can see the physical changes in the bodies. You can recognize the intellectual changes if you know what to look for. Children between approximately age 5 and 12 can mentally manipulate two intellectual variables which means they live in a two dimensional world. Everything is good or bad, black or white, and so on. As a result they can’t think abstractly. If you try to explain an abstract concept to them they won’t understand it at all or they will mentally change it to a two dimensional construct.Around age 13 children begin developing the ability to think abstractly, but they’re not very good at it yet. They realize the world is not as they perceived it so they think people who have been teaching them about the world are either stupid or lying. Instead of seeing the world as black or white, they have discovered gray, so why didn’t anyone tell them it was grey. Since everyone is stupid or deceitful, they have to make their own way. They can’t yet understand that there are different shades of grey but millions of other colors. Be patient with them. Try not to lose your temper. That’s easier said than done. Remember you’re the adult and they’re not, even though they don’t know it yet.“First do no harm.” Turn the other cheek, go the second mile, forgive seven times seventy. If you don’t damage the relationship and can prevent them from harming themselves or others, they will grow out of this stage. The brain physically matures about age 21. They should be capable of thinking like an adult, but again, they won’t be very good at it. If you and they make until they’re 25 they should realize what you were trying to teach them and will respect and appreciate you.