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My Two Year Old Is Out Of Control

My three year old is OUT OF CONTROL!?

I have four children, including a 3 year old daughter and two older children (who were previously 3 year olds).

Gently, I must suggest that perhaps if you are parenting with an expectation of this type of behavior at any time then that might be part of the problem. Regardless of whether he is 3, 12 or 15 he should NEVER be hitting and yelling. Tantrums are somewhat normal for 3 year olds, but you definitely need to get it in check now because it will ONLY GET WORSE if you do not.

Do not let him hit you. I would not hit him back, but if he goes to hit you I would restrain him and firmly tell him NO, WE DO NOT HIT. Do that EVERY TIME. If he throws a tantrum, absolutely ignore it- tantrums are for attention. Do not give him the attention he wants. The only time you should take action on a tantrum is if it is public, and what you should do is as quickly as possible get him to the vehicle or inside your home, all the while ignoring the tantrum. Never- NEVER- give in to tantrums because it teaches a child that they can get their way if they behave like that, and they will do it again.

If he yells, remind him to use his inside voice. If he can not speak respectfully, do not listen- ignore it. Teach him that he needs to be respectful to be heard.

The most important thing is for you to be CONSISTENT! It will confuse him if you accept this behavior sometimes and not at others.

My 8-year-old is out of control!!!!Help!!?

If this child is so willful and disrespectful, and receives little or no negative consequences for it, why should she even consider changing her behavior? Your job as the parent is to BE the parent. Set precise rules: No entering sister's room without permission, no taunting, obey parental directions. Set precise consequences: No TV for two days, extra chore, time alone with no entertainment. Be consistent. EVERY time she begins to misbehave, grant her ONE warning. "If you do X again, Y will happen." She WILL test your newfound resolve. Expect it. Don't let it get you angry; you need to show her that her behavior doesn't push your buttons any more. You have a plan, and you're sticking to it. When she repeats X, there you are with Y.

She is wild now because children crave limits and consistency, and without any in her life up til now, she pushes and pushes at the limits, subconsciously searching for that point where something/someone will push back and provide that structure. You will find that, with consistent rules and consequences, in time she will be a different child. Not necessarily compliant, but not the same willful, rebellious girl you describe today. She has been this way for years by now, though, so don't expect miracles overnight. It will take time to undo the habits she has been allowed to indulge, and to convince her that you are not going to give in eventually as you often have in the past.

It sounds like your family has had a rough time of it, but don't let that be your excuse for allowing her to be in control of your lives. For her sake, and your entire family's, take back that responsibility into its rightful hands-- the parents'.

Be thankful she is healthy and alive, take parenting classes to better understand the needs of children that age, and consider getting a childcare expert to visit your home and help you learn how to understand and work with your daughter effectively.The vast majority of situations that are described the way you described yours involve parental naivety, lack of parental skill, and unrealistic expectations. However, there is hope. Even parents who are at a complete loss can learn how to effectively work with active children.I strongly recommend that you join “gentle parenting” groups in social media, take parenting classes for parents of toddlers, put your child into Head Start or other early childhood programs to give you a break a few times a week and give her a consistent, professionally led environment, and ask for mentoring from a more experienced parent who does not spank, shout, threaten, or shame children.I am not saying that you did any of those things, mind you. I’m simply giving guidance for what to avoid. A lot of confident and experienced parents use methods that are harmful and swear by them. However, frightening or hurting a child has been shown to lead to a higher likelihood of mental illness in adulthood.You can do it with the right support. You can be an effective, calm, happy, skilled parent.Please know that this is written by someone who started babysitting groups of children when she was only nine years old and who raised an extraordinarily active child to adulthood in a gentle manner. I was not perfect, but was successful in raising my extremely active child into healthy adulthood. I also ran my own preschool, taught students of all ages, taught parenting classes, served as a school chaperone, served as a juvenile probation officer, and frequently hosted small children on outings without help from other adults.You can do it. Don’t blame your child. Active children can be guided in positive ways. And, they grow out of the overactive stages over time if they are treated well and given good things to do with their energy.I think you will find that with a different approach, you’ll get different results. You may actually not understand your child’s individual needs or how to meet them. You may have unrealistic ideas about what is normal child behavior. You may not recognize ways to manage her day, her nutrition, her sleep, her environment, her education, etc. optimally.

I think it will be best if you don't 'control ' her, instead try being a friend and support her. I've passed through the stage of puberty and adolescence. Now your daughter needs a good friend who can help her during pain and guide her with the changes she undergoes and not a dictator who just is over nagging. Just speak like a friend, she will have mood swings and may get mad at you, may find you as a hindrance and even think your micromanaging her, so be calm and address her like how you want to be addressed by your best friend. That will satisfy your intention in a better way.

Is spanking a two year old OK?

A swat on the butt of a two year old for trying to touch a hot stove or running into the street after being told not to, okay. Spanking a two year old 19 times for being silly and disobedient while getting dressed, just plain messed up. Your boyfriend broke every rule of spanking. You never do it just because you are frustrated or angry, you never do it for the little things, you never do it for the first offense without giving a warning and other form of punishment, and you never ever spank them that much, 19 whacks is way overboard, its abuse. Stress and heat of the moment is no excuse to do that, in fact its the worst thing because it means that he doesnt have control of his temper toward a two year old. What if next time its the "heat of the moment" and he "feels stressed out", what if he slaps him in the face, beats him, socks him in the stomach. You need to tell your boyfriend that he is to never ever hit your child like that again and if he does, hes gone, hes not seeing him anymore. One swat for a dangerous situation, fine, practically beating a two year old for laughing and squirming and being a two year old, abusive. My husband had his son when he was 15, I know its stressful, but thats no way to take out your stress and my husband would never do that to his son. My stepson is four, if he was behaving like that, I would take a deep breath, look him in the face and tell him he needs to stop and get dressed and if he doesnt, he can go stand in the corner until hes ready to behave. I dont have any problem with a well deserved swat on the butt, for some kids its a good form of discipline. We have never spanked my stepson because hes never needed it, he responds to other forms of discipline. If your son responds well to a swat on the butt, okay, but what your boyfriend did was way over the line, it was abuse, and you need to stop him before he ruins that little boy.

I have a two year old who throws tantrums. I have been told to let him cry, spank him, etc. any suggestions?

A lot of moms will tell you to ingnore the tantrum.I did that for a while but it
seemed like they were only getting worse. Maya would actually hurt herself.
Soooo, I came up with my own solution.

When she starts throwing a fit I squat down to her level and get right in her
face and say, very calmly in a low even voice. "Calm down, calm down, calm
down". I Will pause to do deep breaths, or to say "Look at Mommy's eyes, time to
be calm, breath". It seems monatonouse, and at first they can't even hear you,
but that is what makes them stop crying.

It's like they are thinking "What the heck is mommy doing?" My friend
actually called me last night in tears because her little girl had been throwing
a fit for 20 minutes. She did this on the phone with me and it took about 60
seconds for her to stop crying.

Also, when you are doing this, don't say things like "No, you can't have the
toy, or mommy doesn't like it when...." When your child is this worked up, they
have no idea why, they are just upset and getting more and more upset. This
calms them down and talking about why they are throwing a fit will just put them
into another one, reminding them why they were mad.

This gives them the skills they need to calm themselves down when they are
mad. You are training them to stop, and breath. They also see that you are in
control and remaining calm, you know what to do and you care about how they are
feeling enough to drop everything and help them for a minute. This makes them
more secure and more likely to follow your lead.

Once they calm down, say "good job being calm, now what are we going to do?"
Give them an activity to work on. It took me about a week or so to break Maya of
fits this way. Now she may start to throw a tantrum every now and then but I
just tell her to go to her room and work it out, since I know she has learned
how. She always stops crying and just looks at me.

How can i get my two year old daughter under control?

It's not called "The Terrible Two's" for nothing. You seem to have the classic case of it too. Most of this she will grow out of, but some will continue without proper discipline. You seem to be lacking consistency in your punishments, especially considering that she is continuously defying you. She knows how to push your buttons and she's doing a fine job at it too. Just because she's 2 doesn't mean that doesn't know what she's doing.

I'd say the best advice is develop consistency with everything, not just for punishments. Show her you are the boss and have authority, not her because right now, she is running the game. The shopping cart incident is appalling. If she's acting up, leave the store. period. Do not try to instill discipline to an over-stimulated 2-year-old that will not listen to you regardless of what you say or do. Eventually, she will get the hint that a grocery store isn't a jungle gym. It just takes time and A LOT of patience.
The toy basket scenario: By you sitting on the floor and picking up the toys with her is not helping her at all, so of course she's going to think it's a game. You're on her level and thinks you are no longer a threat and you want to play. This is where the authority comes in. When explaining why she's in timeout, that's when you get down on her level. If she leaves the timeout corner, put her back every time, no matter how much she throws a fit. It's frustrating, but you're trying to show her its not a game, this is punishment, and this is what happens when you raid the fridge and paint the floors with the food.
That show The Nanny with the British lady is quite good and she tries to teach the parents and the children. It's not always the child's fault, the parents have just as much blame. There are a few others out there, but I just picked her as an example. Good luck

My Three Year Old Is A Holy Terror?

my pediatrician recommended using a spray bottle with water. every time my baby pitched a fit, I would SPRAY -- not stream her oncein the face from a safe distance, the goal is not to hurt her, but take her by surprise. It would stop her, and she did not like it. After about 6 times of her fits and my spraying, the threat of holding the bottle became enough. Also you can take it with you in public, and pull it out when she turns demonic at the Wal-Mart or whatever. If you are afraid of other parents comments, just take her to the bathroom and do it there the same way some parents take their kids in there to spank. A lot of people have told me this is cruel, but I think it is kinder than letting her embarrass herself in kindergarten when the other kids call her a baby. I tried it with a cup, but it is mean and messy, and I didn't like it. Also I get away with this in winter without cruelty charges because I live in Texas. Here it was 75 degrees today. If you live where it snows, then I don't think I would recommend it. Sorry. With older ones, embarrassment helps, it is like magic. Pointing out to strangers how your three year old is acting like a baby. They tend to pick themselves up off the floor quick when strangers stare or heaven forbid laugh! This one still works with my 7 year old. I offer to let her sit in the baby seat in the grocery cart. Works every time! Hope this helps!

My toddler is out of control what can i do?

When he acts up the way he does it is because he NEEDS your attention desperately. He needs to know that you, his mommy (possibly the only major player in his life), genuinely love and care for him. Feeding him and taking good care of him only go so far. The real communication of love is spending time with him. Set aside some time each day to spend with him. Ten minutes on your lap in the morning just talking with him (like tell him about your plans for the day) to start off. Twenty minutes at the table together coloring and letting him talk to you (if he talks yet) to keep it going. Twenty minutes more with you reading him a story just before bed will help him sleep. At first he will seem unsettled and restless, but try to keep his attention, he will come around. Some other suggestions for personal time, are singing with him (it doesn't matter if you have a "singing voice" or not, he won't care and it's for him.), playing with clay (it's pretty cheap at big box stores like target or walmart), playing patty-cake (it won't turn him into a girl), doing exercises (do them face to face, and I'm not saying you need to, just saying he will enjoy them). Do whatever you think he may enjoy, just make sure it's only the two (or three if his father is around and willing) of you, no non-family members.
A balanced diet with not too much sodium, sugar, and fat, and with enough protein and vegetables, will help also.