How does someone deal with a narcissistic mother?
This is what my daughters do to deal with their narc mom. They set really stiff boundaries with her and enforce them. As adults they have had to take charge of their interactions with mom because if they don't, then mom will dominate and emotionally destroy everyone. Kinda like having a spoiled, rotten sixteen year old for a mom who never emotionally matured.They know the deal with their mom and accept that she is a manipulative, controlling, lying, self absorbed person but she is their mom and they both love her deeply. They have at times a strained relationship especially when they have to walk away or hang up the phone when she doesn't respect their boundaries such what and who they are willing to talk about. If she starts her rage, they are out of there and mom now knows but often forgets that alone time will follow if she doesn't abide to their boundaries.My daughters know that they have to be the more emotionally intelligent ones around her so they don't get sucked into her webs. They know they can't out argue her or change her opinion on practally anything so they don't engage or back away from meaninglessness disputes.Remember, narcs need conflict in order to rule so pull their fangs out by taking the high road and enforcing your boundaries. Wish you well.
How should i handle my mother who is a narcissist?
thank you all so very much for your replies. you have no idea what it means to me that so many have responded to my question. i have always felt so alone and isolated with my thoughts and feelings about my mother...it's almost "taboo" in society to speak negatively about your own mother, but she has left me no choice. i am taking a lot of your advice now: i quit working for her and started another job on my own, i have not spoken to her at all in 5 months and don't plan on going back to that relationship, my boyfriend and i are planning to move from here and start over elsewhere, i am in close contact with my aunt who is supportive and has given me many books on narcissism to read...you are all so very wise and i respect everyone's input. it will be hard to make a decision as to who has given the best answer! thank you again, so very much...
How do I cope with being the daughter of a narcissistic father?
I think you are far ahead of the curve. You can't change your father and you recognize him for what he is. You do your best to not add fuel to his tank. Give yourself a pat on the back and tell yourself well done! You are in college and you have a job. That to me sounds like someone who has it together. That is something to take personal pride in. Well done. I know you love your father as you say and you always will. Be glad you can love others. Imagine the depth of emptiness that comes with not being able to do that. Be glad you are not that way. I know you want your father to love you back. He is like an empty well. There is no use in trying to draw water from it. Instead, focus on those who do love you. Recognize there will be an empty space inside of you that will never be filled because you father is the way he is. We must accept what we cannot change. Even though he is your dad, never let one person's view of you drive how you feel about yourself. Your dad has a negative view of you. Since when is he the final word on that? What about the rest of your family? How about embracing how they feel about you along side those views of your dad? I hope this helps. I think some time with a counselor will help you move forward with this. I used to be married to someone just like your father and I sort of know where you are at. People with your father's condition are not easy to deal with. But do know you are a good person who does good things and you have much to take personal pride in. Finally, your father can keep on saying what is wrong with you one time, ten times, a hundred times or a billion times. But, that never makes him right. Why? The truth is a funny thing: it never changes. What is true stays that way.
Narcissistic Parents?
Just so everyone knows I am now 24 but growing up my parents seemed a bit "crazy" if you will. My bio mother used to beat on me just because I looked just like my father. I would always on her saying "How is it fair that you beat on me because I look like him?" I mean if you don't want me to look like him... then make babies with someone else. My father would go to work and she would try and manipulate me. Saying different things to me at age young ages like elementary school age. She once showed me a shot like a needle... and told me that when I got home my daddy would be put to sleep forever. This alarmed me so I told my dad. I was only in 2nd grade at that time. She always hated me for some reason but favored my little sister. But after the divorce she split town after giving me years of mental and physical abuse. Such as: Hitting me choking me, trying to smother me, locking me in closets calling me ugly fat, stupid, and so on. Well she split on my 13th bday. My dad got remarried the next year to a woman he only knew... for 2 months! My older step brother tried to molest me but I got away from him. My father would always point out things that I did like my mother such as" The way I ate, The way I ordered food, The way I would drink, maybe certain opinions I had at the time. I couldn't do anything without him grounding me ....for "acting like her" I didn't even realize I was doing anything to make him mad. He made me run around the yard until I couldn't do it any more.