Why am I suddenly desperate for emotional intimacy?
I need some advice. I'm an 18 year old man, almost through with his first semester of college. Now, I've never needed or wanted to be emotionally close to anyone before, and, while I'm not a sociopath, I definitely have considerably less compassion or empathy than the average person. I also have zero tolerance for being a shoulder to cry on (I won't even do that for my closest friends, despite the fact that I would give my life for them), and even less for needing a shoulder to cry on (I did that once, four years ago, and I still kick myself every time I think of it. Such pathetic weakness.). I've never been involved in a serious relationship before, and all of a sudden, I have a burning desire for emotional intimacy, much deeper than simple lust. Any advice on why? I really don't like people, but I devote plenty of time and effort to introspection, constantly seeking to understand myself. And this runs counter to everything I think I know about me. The only thing I can think of is that maybe it's motivated by my arrogance, and I don't want closeness as much as someone to understand all the struggles I've overcome and to be in awe of my strength, but that's just a shot in the dark. Any feedback would be very welcome. Thanks for reading.
How do I deal with my emotionally abusive ex boyfriend?
Hi, Im going through the exact same thing right now. My ex has just been sent to prison for fracturing my cheek bone..( he had beat me up loads of times before, but I could hide it from my parents, but this time I couldn't because it was to obvious.) What you have been saying is exactly what my boyfriend has done to me, he has controlled me to the point that I have no friends, a crappy job, no money and a massive whole in my heart. It hurts, it really does.. and unless you have experienced it no one else will understand why you still do these things for him. The problem is with girls like us, is that we are to nice, to kind and to caring.. we hold onto the moments of when our relationships were great and those days when he was the best boyfriend ever. And you can sit there and think about everything bad he has ever done to you, and that your never going back to him, but as soon as that phone rings again or he shows up at your door saying ' I will change, I love you and im sorry'.. you stop, and look at him and forgive him like nothing else has ever mattered. As im in the exact situation myself I cant really give you any answers to your question, but what I can say is that your not alone... Maybe we should find a group that could help people like us, that will always be there to give us that extra comfort we need and maybe one day will help us find the way to be free. Because men like ours wont forget... and its going to be a battle but think about them few days when he was in prison before he rang you, think about how free you felt and how you can have a better life. I hope you will be ok, Take care xx
Do we really have an absolute control of our emotions?
Control, we are very obsessed with this word and its intended result. Ultimately what is there to control? There is only ourselves. All existences beyond ourselves are outside of our control. Some can be manipulated but control, in any real context, is an illusion. You have absolute control over yourself if only you so choose. There is no need for deeper science here although it is there if you wish to make complicated that which is most simple. Emotional State; this term for me purports a state where the emotion is given full reign over the mind, heart & body. It is neither right nor wrong but this is merely the factual state of the moment in which emotion prevails over all else. The strongest will be dependent upon each individual being, as we all have our favorites. There is no "true" answer to this. For me, mine is Love Unconditional however suffice to say, it is not an emotional state but a constant state of being in which I have freely chosen. I am most enjoying the moment. Thank you very much for asking. Blessings
I am short tempered and emotional. How can I control or overcome this?
I know exactly how you feel. Cause I am also a short temper and sensitive person. The fact being that, for people like us it is very important to EXPRESS. And I know it’s very difficult to do that. But trust me you have to express. If you just bottle up all your feeling, chances are it will turn in to something worst.You can’t totally control your emotions, because it’s impossible to do that. BUT you can definitely let your emotions loose by expressing them through talking, doing some physical activity or even writing.When I am angry, I beat the shit out of my punching bag. You can do that. Or you can take out your anger by working out or training your self in taekwondo / karate or any physical activity that will help you take out your anger till you get tired. It actually feels good. Trust me.The thing about me is that I am a trained taekwondo black belt, I have an independent personality and I am more of a logical minded person. So people who are around me always feel like I am an emotionless robot. Which is totally not the case. It’s just me and my ego. I don’t like expressing my feeling in-front of people because I feel like they might think I am weak and that bothers me. I don’t want a single person to think that I am weak and that's why I prefer being emotion-less. But the truth of the matter is that I am hella sensitive.So there are few things that help me express my emotional side. First and the most important thing being MUSIC. I actually dedicate a night for myself where I stay alone with no lights on, and all I do is listen to some music and cry out my feelings.(I know it sounds weird, but trust me it’s not that bad. I am not that weird I swear..!) That actually helps me and I feel much better. I sometimes also go alone to Starbucks for some me time. I drink coffee and write my feelings in my diary/journal. You can also talk to someone you trust the most or someone that would listen to you and even share their experience and give you advice.Just remember EXPRESS.
How do you cope with extreme emotions?
It is a sign of emotional maturity when you can learn to examine your emotions and know the correct way to deal with them. I say that because anger is an emotion and you have to learn how to deal with it, jealousy is an emotion and you have to learn how to deal with it, envy is an emotion and you have to learn how to deal with it and so on and so on.I don’t know your age, but If you are in your teenage years, it’s harder because you’re just learning how to recognize emotions and deal with them. It helps to have a good friend who is wise and how can listen to you and help you work through your emotions. It helps to have a counselor to talk to. I’m all for counseling because I give it it’s real name—wisdom. And who doesn’t wish they had more wisdom about life? Sometimes if you have all people in your life you can talk to them and they can give you really good answers because they’ve been through it all themselves. Using drugs or alcohol to avoid your emotions is a dead end road. It will only mask them temporarily and then they come back and you still don’t have your answer.You can search online for technique and how to handle whatever emotions you’re struggling with and then make yourself do them. Nothing is easy when you’re first learning to handle something which is hard, but if you keep at it, you start moving in the right direction. Then, when the next event comes up that could force you to have a wrong emotion, you will use the techniques you have learned and respond with the right kind of emotion.It’s important that you understand all of us struggle with coping with our emotions. You’re not an alien from another planet. You are a human being and therefore encounter this struggle.