Do you think your parents did the best they could in raising you?
Yes. After nearly sixty years, I have FINALLY realized that they truly did. And believe me, it wasn't easy.My mother never hugged us, never (as far as I can remember) said she loved us. She worked as much as possible, preferring that to trying to raise us kids.I didn't realize for many, MANY years, several things, or the impact they had on her.One was that her mom was a classic narcissist. She never wanted kids and resented every moment she was tied to them. She couldn't, even if she'd wanted to, show affection; she didn't have it in her. Can you imagine?Another thing, her dad was a (literally) raging alcoholic. So my mom and her big brother were at best, on their own. At worst, their parents were horrible, angry, selfish people, and at the time, beating the children was perfectly acceptable. Again, can you imagine?Then there was my dad. He was raised by a father who beat the crap out of him regularly. A Presbyterian minister and a violent and emotionally abusive bastard, and his mom refused to protect him. Can you imagine?There aren't many worse things than growing up thinking your parents don't love you, but worse is what my parents grew up with.I was never beaten, not terribly emotionally abused. I was more or less left to raise myself and my brothers, quite certain that I was unloved, responsible for most things but without power to actually do anything.And yet, I absolutely believe my parents did the best they could. They loved me, although it took a long time to understand that. They definitely did better than their parents did; ok, not a high bar, but still….This is probably true of most parents. IF they are allowed to choose whether to have children or not, and they still want their kids, they WILL try to do better than their parents. That's a huge part of human nature.
Thank the parents OR blame the parents?
My dad passed away when I was 10. My mom would go out after work every night and leave me to care for my dad when he was sick. By the time I was 8 I knew how to give him his shots, his meds, check his blood sugar, change the bandages from his amputation, and empty the bed pan. This was my responsibility. After daddy died things didn't change much. I was left to take care of the house, and when I started working I had to pay half of the bills. I started using drugs and my mom didn't care. She once saw track marks on my arms and told me to put on something with long sleeves because it was embarrassing. When I was diagnosed bipolar she put me in the hospital for over a year and never came to visit, she didn't even pick me up when I was given a pass for the holidays.On the day of my 18th birthday I left, I speak to my mom about once a year. Now I'm 27yo, I have three kids, and a good life. To answer your question... I THANK my mother. She was neglectful and not a very good parent, but it was her flaws that gave me the strength to deal with my son's Autism (the right way), it was her flaws that made me grow up early and become the responsible adult I am today. I don't speak to her much, but she's still my mom and I love her. I have a good life now, but even in bad times I don't BLAME my mom, she's just who she is. Sorry I kind of went on and on, but the question hit home.
Did my parents raise me wrong?
I know this will sound like just a little whiny brat complaining about life and hard work but I honestly need help. Ever since I was born my parents made life so easy for me. I didn't have to work for anything for 18 years because I was the baby, while my sister was 3 years older and did more chores, and worked hard at everything she did. She is now 21 and has a good job , a car, boyfriend, and tons of clothes self esteem and confidence. she can walk up to anyone and make friends and everyone loves her. I on the other hand am very shy, insecure, used to cut myself, had depression. and has no job no confidence and does not know how to work at all. I have social anxiety so i'm not really good with people. I hate that my parents babied me my whole life. Are my parents to blame for all this? How can I be more like my sister and become hard working? Where do I start?
Is it logical to blame the way your parent/parents raised you because of the person you think you've become?
You can blame them if you want to. I bet parents feel heavy pain at how their children turned out as well. They wish the best, and have good intentions. Sometimes it doesn't work out, and what's left is stuff to work through.After you've blamed your parents, what happens? It's okay to see patterns of where you developed this trait or part of who you are from your past. It's going to happen. Our past shapes us. And that's okay.I recommend another step besides blame: acceptance and forgiveness.Is it your fault that you were raised a certain way? No. Is it your fault that circumstances and life events made you who you are now? No. There are so many things you have zero control over. Forgive yourself for having no control.Now.You have awareness that there are parts of you that are not wanted. Now is the time to figure out what you want. Now is the time to figure out who you are; not your past self, not the mistakes. Nothing like that. Think about the best you, and look for things in your life that reflect this best you.If you don't know, ask someone else. They will see the good in you and this will help rewrite your story.If you still don't know what your present and future self will look like, forgive yourself for not knowing. Sit with not knowing. That is totally okay. Why? Because you spent an entire lifetime being one way without what you needed.This will take time to figure out. Give yourself that time.Then ask more people. Ask quora. We will be here for you.
My parents blamed me for something I didn't do?!?!?
Basically I came home early and for some reason my moms computer screen was broken like actually smashed. I had not even known and my mom came home and saw it and came into my room and shouted at me. I told her I didn't do it because I hadn't and the only person who could have done it was my younger sister (who is 14) who got angry at my mom. She went over to her friends in the afternoon but was here for the whole morning and it was only her so it was obviously her. Yet my mom is blaming me and has grounded me. Even after I've told her it was my sister she shouted at me telling me that I was accusing her when I looked like I was 'lying' and now I'm grounded for a month for no reason....what do I do????
Can i sue my parents for giving life to me?
i had an ok life, a good upbringing everything, im not poor, im well educated and have friends, i dont have depression its just this planet is going to hell and it feels like i can do nothing about it and ppl are getting more selfish and bigoted each day, i would say i wanted to be born in the past but i know it was even worst then, future might be even more worst if we even have one all people care about is some kind of group they call a race, when infact its just an excuse for unsavory ppl to take advantage of and annoy other people for no logical reason sometimes i think it would have been better if my sperm had just gave up, why did i have to be the 1 in billions to be fertilized call me a pessimist, but we all know there's more negativity than positivity now adays hate is everywhere, it sickens me don't worry im not a coward, i won't suicide its jut not fair, we're the only living organisms aware of our existence, and what are we doing with it? killing each other, blaming others, unjustified hate its sad it really is