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Parents- Do You Think It

Do you think your parents did the best they could in raising you?

Yes. After nearly sixty years, I have FINALLY realized that they truly did. And believe me, it wasn't easy.My mother never hugged us, never (as far as I can remember) said she loved us. She worked as much as possible, preferring that to trying to raise us kids.I didn't realize for many, MANY years, several things, or the impact they had on her.One was that her mom was a classic narcissist. She never wanted kids and resented every moment she was tied to them. She couldn't, even if she'd wanted to, show affection; she didn't have it in her. Can you imagine?Another thing, her dad was a (literally) raging alcoholic. So my mom and her big brother were at best, on their own. At worst, their parents were horrible, angry, selfish people, and at the time, beating the children was perfectly acceptable. Again, can you imagine?Then there was my dad. He was raised by a father who beat the crap out of him regularly. A Presbyterian minister and a violent and emotionally abusive bastard, and his mom refused to protect him. Can you imagine?There aren't many worse things than growing up thinking your parents don't love you, but worse is what my parents grew up with.I was never beaten, not terribly emotionally abused. I was more or less left to raise myself and my brothers, quite certain that I was unloved, responsible for most things but without power to actually do anything.And yet, I absolutely believe my parents did the best they could. They loved me, although it took a long time to understand that. They definitely did better than their parents did; ok, not a high bar, but still….This is probably true of most parents. IF they are allowed to choose whether to have children or not, and they still want their kids, they WILL try to do better than their parents. That's a huge part of human nature.

Do you think a teen should know how much money their parents make?

The disadvantages are many. Probably the biggest is not what most teens would think, that the child will want a bigger chunk. The biggest is that the teen will want to start from where their parents are at.

For instance a child finds out that the parent makes $80K a year. So he looks at his $150 a week job and decides to quit.... cuz he's obviously going nowhere fast.

The problem is that when his parents were his age they made half what he's making now, it takes time.

Kids don't want to wait, this whole forum is devoted to kids who don't want to wait. This is the instant pudding generation.

So when Junior brings home the $150 a week check and mom and dad say, "Wow son, thats twice what we made when we were your age" Junior decides he is on the right track and is doing well. Hopefully Mom and Dad have the foresight to send Junior to the store to pickup groceries a couple of times, so he knows the value of a dollar, and has allowed him to get a subscription to WoW so he knows how to make payments.

I had no idea how much my father made until way out of college when he divorced my mother and then bought and paid for a house over the course of 3 months.

What do you think about parents that do their kids homework?

I think they are short-sighted, rescuing their kids from the difficulty of homework now at the expense of the children being able to learn on their own later on. The same goes for kids who come on this website looking for answers that they can just copy down verbatim, instead of just getting a push in the right direction.

That said, I think a lot of the homework teachers assign these days is busywork, something for the kids who catch on quickly to do while the teacher works with the struggling kids. I also think that teachers assign unrealistic projects to the kids. I can't believe they really expect a 5th grade kid to "construct an authentic log cabin without using lincoln logs, demonstrating 6 features from the novel" (one of the assignments my son got this year), without some parental help.

In things like this, I try very hard to let my kids do what they can do themselves, and only step in when adult assistance as needed. As a result, our projects are often a bit cruder than some of the kids who had parents do it all, but I comfort myself with the knowledge that my kids learned a lot more from the project.

As a single parent do you think, 950 dollars is too much too pay for rent?

I currently pay 775 a mo. I have 3 kids ages 8,7,2. I work as an independent contractor earning 15-17 an hr,& recieve child supp.I have a boyfriend who is the father of my youngest child, he contributes to the bills, but minimally, due to underemployment issues and criminal hx.I gave up section 8 to move into better neighborhood, schools, and way of life.Kids are doing better! My question is many criticize my decsion to keep moving up, I just want my kids to have acsess to opportunites. I hv ok credit, but not enough to buy a house in a good neighborhood.I will graduate next may with bachlors and plan to get a masters.Problem I feel guilty at times because I still recieve public aid due to rise and fall of income, not married (after 6 yrs). I am tired of people who expect me to stay in my "class". I just want my kids to have "opportunities and safe enviornment". By the way i am a soc major so I know what contributes to people downfall, I am also living proof. Just trying to climb out.