What kind of parental duties are expected of parents before they start expecting old-age support money from kids?
I’m a bit appalled by this question. For one thing, it infers that parents expect support money from their children. Why would they? Have they not planned for their future? Have they grown up in a culture of not providing for themselves? My parents have never been on a cruise or lived in an expensive house, but they also never spent more money than they earned. They saved to prepare for this day and in fact, they will have money left over for us when they die.For another thing, who expects parents who need to be supported financially to have required chores placed as a stipulation? How unkind. My goodness, they supported you financially and for years they worked harder than you will ever have to work to raise you. You cannot ever pay them back. They’re done. You should start serving them! Let me see…What duties can we assign to you? (Sorry…for the sarcasm.)I have not had to help my parents out financially at all. My father lived till 93 and had many medical issues, including Dementia. No expectation or asking for money from him.My mother is very independent. My daughter offered to build her a home hooked on to her home and my mother rejected it. She enjoys her separate life. My own children, on their own, have planned their future homes to have a garage apartment or casita built on their property for any older parents to live in…with no strings attached. You see, it is all about love rather than expectations.A healthier, happy way to look at a situation where there is a need for financial support, is for loving children to (on their own) desire to help out their parents, rather than a parent asking for money. There are many different ways for children to help their elderly parents, and some of it does not include money. Definitely, there may come a day when the two of them (parent and child) may need to talk, but no expectations, just problem-solving should take place.No demands on either end. I’ve never heard of that. It is better to give than to receive.
What do parents expect from their children?
This is an interesting question -- thanks for the ask. What I expect of my kid (age 17) in the present:Treat others with courtesy (including your parents).Be responsible for your own education (homework, asking questions, obeying school rules, etc.).Be responsible for your own possessions. We don't involve ourselves in the cleanliness or messiness of your room; the flipside of that is that whatever you need, you need to be able to find it or you're going to have to get along without it. Don't leave messes in the shared spaces of our home. (Well, within family standards, which are pretty lax.)Be lawful. Negotiate with us politely if you don't like our rules, but gracefully accept that we have the final say.Don't participate in bullying, and if you can safely do anything to stop it, do so.Gradually begin taking over from us the responsibility for taking care of your physical and mental health -- choosing healthy food, getting exercise, noticing symptoms and making judgments about when you need a professional.Don't cheat or game the system, even if it would be easy to do. What I expect of my kid in the future:Don't waste your educational opportunities. If you don't feel ready for college, better to spend a year with Vista or something than to spend our money on classes you don't care about. Gradually begin taking over from us the responsibility for taking care of your material life, providing yourself with food/clothing/shelter.Honestly, I think it would be kind of neat for the three of us to live together as adults, but if that happens, it will have to be on adult terms, sharing the money and time burdens equally. Don't act like anyone is beneath you or has nothing to teach you.Go easy on yourself and others, especially in your twenties, which are a lot harder than most people think.You're lucky enough to live in a democracy; accept jury duty gracefully, and for heaven's sake, vote.I should specify that we're American, since the answer probably varies a lot by culture.(I would love to know which of these expectations I've actually succeeded in communicating to Kid. And what Kid expects of me!)
What do you think about parents that do their kids homework?
I think they are short-sighted, rescuing their kids from the difficulty of homework now at the expense of the children being able to learn on their own later on. The same goes for kids who come on this website looking for answers that they can just copy down verbatim, instead of just getting a push in the right direction. That said, I think a lot of the homework teachers assign these days is busywork, something for the kids who catch on quickly to do while the teacher works with the struggling kids. I also think that teachers assign unrealistic projects to the kids. I can't believe they really expect a 5th grade kid to "construct an authentic log cabin without using lincoln logs, demonstrating 6 features from the novel" (one of the assignments my son got this year), without some parental help. In things like this, I try very hard to let my kids do what they can do themselves, and only step in when adult assistance as needed. As a result, our projects are often a bit cruder than some of the kids who had parents do it all, but I comfort myself with the knowledge that my kids learned a lot more from the project.
Parents, do you think people should make their kids do everything for them?
No, but there is nothing wrong with children having age appropriate chores around the house. I'm home all day and I keep the house clean. It isn't until the older kids get home from school until it starts to become a mess. They are expected to pick up after themselves. Occasionally, I'll ask one of them to grab me a drink out of the fridge or something if they are in the kitchen and I am not. The last time I was sick with the flu, my oldest, who is almost 7, waited on me hand and foot all day(it was over Christmas break, so they were all home). He was never asked to, he just did it because he cared. I saw an episode of "Wife Swap" one time where the parents behaved the way your aunt does. They felt it was their 16 year old daughter's duty to slave over them. The dad would be sitting next to the remote and have the daughter come in from another room just to hand it to him. Parents like that make me sick. Kids are meant to be kids, not our personal slaves.
What can parents do to help children reach their potential in school?
Marilyn vos Savant: Is this fabulous, or what?! We finally have a way to communicate with each other about the most important things in our lives--and maybe even the most important things in the world. What we need to do now is to keep it growing, and the good folks who are running this show will see that they've got a vehicle that can change the way the world works. What a ride this is going to be!
Why do parents excuse their children's bad behavior?
There was a case here in South Florida where 3 teenagers beat a homeless man to death with baseball bats. When one of the teens' mother was on the witness stand in court, she said that her son was a "good kid" who was probably influenced by his friends. Why do parents do this? Why do they take responsibility away from their children and admit that what they did was completely wrong? In the video they showed on TV of this man getting beaten, it sure looked like her son was having a good time.