Why do people automatically want to dismiss my feelings?
I'm going to suppose that you're talking about negative feelings. People tend not to want to hear about them for a few reasons:Being in negative situations makes one feel negative. The dismissal may be a method of defense against what they sense is going to be an emotionally draining situation. If these feelings are of depression, often people either don't understand them properly. They believe you can dismiss your feelings as easily as they can. Additionally, many people feel uncomfortable dealing with someone who has depression, as it can be hard to tell whether or not one is actually helping.And then you could suppose they are dismissing your feelings, good or bad, about a situation. People do this because they like to believe they're right, and they can't be right if you have enough of an argument to potentially change their minds. So they prevent themselves from the negative feeling of being wrong by not listening to you.Basically, it usually has to do with people trying to protect themselves. They don't necessarily realise this, but most everyone does it, especially until they learn otherwise.
How do you deal with people who dismiss your feelings?
Well, in order to make the world a better place, dismissing the dismisser is not always immediately the best way to go. In a personal relationship with someone who dismisses my feelings I try to find out why they are that way towards me and in doing so I can find out about any underlying issues that may be resulting in their attitude and behavior towards me. If no reasonable end can be found then I would simply end the relationship and move on to greener pastures. Hopefully, in the end such dismissive types will see the error in their ways and at least attempt to be better people in the future.
How do I deal with dismissive people?
When you stated “uses it as an excuse to act like a bitch” I stopped right there. [Imagine sound of needle being dragged across a vinyl album’s tracks.]In my humble opinion, the first thing you need to do is work on yourself because:A) The language you use to describe this person is dismissive in and of itself! If you already think of her as a “girl who is a bitch” you set yourself up for failure and worse. You’ve already labeled and categorized, which makes it very easy to dismiss someone.B) Hard as it may be, banish even thinking the word bitch.C) Unless she’s younger than 18, don’t call her a “girl”; she’s a woman. (According to the Associated Press Style Manual — a compendium of style rules used at newspapers across the U.S.) Calling a grown woman a “girl” (even when you’re not in her presence) makes you sound sexist or at least socially unpolished.Once you’ve tamed these problems, even sooner, try to view things from her perspective. Yes, it’s hard. When you interact with her, who’s doing most of the talking? Do you ever inquire about things that might be important to her? Do you ever ask her for her thoughts on how to solve a problem at work? If you’re doing most of the talking, change that! Her body language is telling you that she’s bored. That is probably why she’s being dismissive.You’ve got to make a few things more about her, not you, before things can get better. Good luck.
How do you deal with someone that is always dismissive of you?
Instead of trying to make sure they notice me, hear me, listen to me…. etc.I go my own way and although I don’t ignore them. I don’t make them the center of my universe as I used to do. Being dismissive is a power play. The only way they can accomplish this is for you to feel deflated. To feel bad. Because that is their goal. Let them do what they want. Treat them the same as you would a child throwing a tantrum. Walk away or change the subject. Remember, this is about them NOT you. They are the one who feels in need of an ego boost and they are using you to get it. If you stop reacting to this tactic they will eventually stop it.
Why do so many people think that being sarcastic and dismissive is cool?
There seems to be a trend, at least in American society, where being an all-around smarta** is seen as being "hip" and "edgy" and "relevant". If you ask a question, or make an honest, sincere statement that deserves a respectful response, you are met with some sort of "hipster" remark, and you are "talked down" to. Do people who act that way use that as a defense mechanism because they don't have anything of substance to say, so they just act snarky in order to appear important? For example, I work with someone who answers almost every legitimate question that she is asked with a response of "not so much". She also tells people with genuine worries and problems that it "sucks to be you". That type of vicious sarcasm is really sad. Why are they like that?
Do you know the term "dismissive avoidant"? How does one get rid of this kind of emotional attachment?
Abandonment has many names, it can be done passively or aggressively and with as many styles as their are humans. It stems from a need to be in control. It helps to see abandonment as both a feeling and a mode. When in abandonment mode it becomes a strategy so is used to what is felt to be an advantage. Here is Passion Provokers small Feeling Wheel to help understand.So I would define "dismissive avoidant" as a mode abandonment of both self and others by justifying that the issues are not important enough to place value. This demeans the people involved as unworthy of respect (self or others).To rid oneself of this behavior, or someone else's behavior follow the path of forgiveness outlined in our book "How Men Make Women Crazy and Vise Versa: Ending the Madness" available at Amazon for kindle $4.99 US How Men Make Women Crazy (and Vice Versa): Ending the Madness - Kindle edition by Jami and Marla Keller. Health, Fitness & Dieting Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.All the best!
How do you feel about microaggression?
Yes, it's a sign of a microagression. A concept a lot of people don't seem to understand is the subtlety of racism. People who are on the receiving end of constant microaggressions get tired of people who are dismissive about their experiences with racism just because they aren't huge blatant acts. The black or minority person you hide your phone from can easily pick up on your feelings towards them by body language. Others to name a few: a person locking their car doors automatically the second a black guy walks by, a woman who clutches her purse when a black male walks by, a mother who grabs her child's hand and pulls them closer while passing a black male, not being able to catch a cab at night, a person following me while I'm shopping assuming that I'm going to steal something, while a white person is actually shoplifting a couple aisles over. Because they're automatically seen as unassuming, my skin automatically makes me suspicious. The difference in the way I'm treated in a fine dining establishment in comparison to their white patrons. Same goes for the nail salon or even the supermarket from time to time. People that are overly impressed when you can speak well, and even more surprised when they find out you're knowledgeable about certain things they don't think blacks are cultured enough to be familiar with. When people find out I got into Columbia University without the help of affirmative action or a minority scholarship. Just overall stereotyping...and it's annoying and frustrating to no end.