Do you still respect your parents even if they don't respect you?
Do you still respect your parents even if they don't respect you?I can answer regarding my dad.He doesn’t really respect, perhaps, anyone. As a child, he emotionally abused me off and on, depending on his state of mind at the time. I tried to argue when he was unreasonable, but it never worked. (For the record, my mom was in no position to get us away. I will not explain why.)One day, when I was thirteen, I won an argument with him. I won it with force of will and force of logic combined. I do not remember the content, but I will remember forever the stunned look on his face and the feeling of being forever freed from thirteen years of emotional abuse. I never lost another argument with him. Not one.At the time, I still respected him… as a threat.Fast forward six years. My parents went through a messy divorce. Police were involved more than once for restraining order violations. My mom knowingly didn’t get her fair share because my dad was fighting tooth and nail for every tiny thing. My mom was trying to get out in once piece and with her children unscathed. It wasn’t going to happen, but she tried hard and it helped a lot. I will always remember who put crystal goblets first and who put me and my sister first.I broke all contact with my dad, as he had become a much bigger threat.Five years after that, he had gotten some much-needed psychiatric medicine. He began trying to mend fences with me. It took two years for me to begin talking to him and two more years before I’d let him meet my kids. As I became increasingly confident that he wasn’t dangerous, I tried building a respectful relationship with him.You know what? When I send emails with kid updates, he doesn’t read them. He doesn’t return phone calls. He visits on holidays, and talks about how much he knows (how to live my life better if I follow his advice). He never tells me what’s up in his life.I talk to him with the respect due every human being. But that’s all I can do. I can’t respect him as an elder, a father. I can’t treat him as a role model. I can’t add him to my life in any meaningful way. More than basic respect is earned. He hasn’t earned any.
Why are people obsessed with everyone respecting the flag, even if the symbol behind it isn't recognized for everyone?
It’s a symbol of how America got to where she is today. Yep, America has plenty of Zits that pockmark our existence, but when taken as a whole, it explains why so many want to come here. If you read about the circumstances under which it was written, it might help.Obsessions? In America?Kardashians are a great obsession. Every time I see her, I take a knee. Please, no more. Butt, Butt, you say. She so cool. She looks like a…Justin Bieber, The Bieb. Beliebers. Yea, let’s disrespect the flag, but put this little punk on a pedestal. Really? Who the hell pooped in this kid’s Post Toasties.Pokemon is truly a justifiable obsession. We don’t look at our phones enough, we have to go around growing a permanent hump on our neck looking for…A Pokemon? Boy, I hope that catches on.Now Elvis was an obsession. For you who were born too late for that obsession, had to settle for The Beatles and Michael Jackson. The Beatles were better before they thought they were talented and Michael, well, he just changed. Kind of like Kimmy K. is doing.Standing for the National Anthem isn’t an obsession, it’s a show of respect for our heritage.The fact that you have a RIGHT not to stand for the Anthem, makes me feel good. I had something to do with that.If it doesn’t mean anything to you. That’s too bad.
Do you believe in "respecting your elders" even if they're being unreasonable?
LuvsHummingBirds: "The world was not a bad place when people were taught to respect the elder." Uh, I think you're oversimplifying a bit there. There have always been problems in this world. And no, when I'm an elder, I want people to be genuine with me. If I'm being unreasonable, I want someone to call me out on it. That's how you learn and become a better person and I don't think there is an age minimum on your teachers. I sure HOPE people keep it real with me, no matter how old I get.
Love: Can you love someone without respecting them?
Sadly, yes. But it is not a pleasant state of affairs, and if at all possible, should be avoided.Love and respect are both emotions that come from within toward someone else. And though it can be complicated; I believe you can feel love towards someone, and not respect them.Sometimes, you can meet someone, and be very attracted to them; their outward appearance, and the personality they display when you are together. You can have the most wonderful, and fulfilling moments with them , and yes, even fall in love. They may have a tender heart, enjoy the same music, laugh at the same things, and kiss as if the world is on fire. You can feel very bonded to this person and totally adore them.Eventually, as in all relationships, you will begin to find they have shortcomings, and that there may even be things that go against your own values. You may discover they chronically lie, or have an on-line porn habit. It could be you learn they’ve applied for government help when they are very capable of working. Maybe you grew up with a strong work ethic, and in contrast, they are without ambition. Maybe they are just plain lazy, and allow you to break your back shoveling the driveway while they could easily help. Or maybe you are offended by their political views, or racism.Whatever the reason, you have now learned somethings about this person that causes you to lose respect for them. But as for all emotions, respect is on a spectrum, or a degree. There is probably one small aspect or trait of theirs you can still find that is good, and worthy, as no one is all or nothing.The question to ask yourself is, how much do you love them? How little do you respect them? How heavily have they tread upon your sensibilities? If one far outweighs the other, you are in a precarious state of affairs, and there will be rough roads ahead of you as you wrestle with how to deal with your conflicting feelings towards this person.If you intend to hang on for the ride; then buckle up, you’re riding on a roller-coaster. The best way to avoid it? Look before you love. Take it from me.
Respect for the dead, do or don't?
I was just wondering people's opinion on this. Should we respect the dead? Or do they not care because they are in Heaven or whatever else? I'm not talking about respecting the dead because the family would get mad if you didn't.. I mean respecting the dead for your own morality or for the dead person's. I'm confused.
Do you think respect is earned or deserved?
I am baffled that some people think respect can only be earned. I do think that there are certain levels of respect that need to be earned. I appreciate when someone tries to gain my trust and earn my respect. However I think everyone, even complete strangers deserve a certain level of common courtesy and respect. Human nature is to be selfish. To think of yourself first. It's always important in my opinion to put forth an effort to act differently and treat others with respect. (For example holding doors, saying please and thank you, helping someone in need load their groceries- the list could go on and on) What are your thoughts?
If a parent doesn’t respect a child’s wish not to be touched does it condition them to accept a partner not respecting their “No”s?
Children learn far more from how they’re treated than from what’s said to them.By ignoring the “Stop,” the father’s actions say, “I get to show you affection because I love you even if you don’t feel like being touched.”Saying it (though words or actions) once doesn’t mean the lesson is learned. Not even saying it a dozen times. BUT the more he disregards her “Stop”s in any situation, the more deeply ingrained the lesson. She’s not only learning that her “Stop”s don’t need respected but that it’s okay if she disrespects other people’s “Stop”s.An affectionate situation isn’t the only way she will learn right responses to “Stop.” Her parents may stop in other situations. Or her mother may stop. Her parents may tell her that a partner should respect her “Stop”s. There may be a program in school that makes the point. She may pick the message up from a TV show. Her personality will also come into play. Some kids are born with a strong will to be respected.There will be hundreds of messages, some of them conflicting, that will build into what eventually feels right to her. The strongest message, though, is how a child is treated by a parent. By having her father ignore her “Stop”s she not only picks up that it’s okay to ignore her “Stop”s but that it’s okay for her to ignore a partner’s “Stop”s.The bigger picture is that learning “Stop” means stop isn’t just in affectionate situations. Show kids to expect “Stop” to work by stopping when they say, “Stop.” They will learn both to expect their “Stop”s to be respected AND to respect other’s “Stop”s. Then let them see how you hope they will respond to your and other’s “Stop”s one day.If it’s an emergency but the child is yelling, “Stop”, do what’s necessary, then apologize later. But if it’s not an emergency, show a child how to listen by listening to them. Stop when told to stop. Then listen to understand. Show a child how to work through a difference between two people by doing exactly that. Problem solve together.