Since Im At A Domestic Violence Shelter They May Give My Son To His Dad With Drug Charges

How does a domestic violence shelter work?

Domestic Violence (DV) shelters are safe house providing survivors of abuse with a place to live, eat, obtain clothing, counseling, group therapy and often legal referrals and aftercare. These are places where trained, dedicated staff keep people hidden from their abusers. They fight on your behalf. Even attend any court hearings with you to file restraining orders. They will help you navigate the social services system until you can safely obtain work. Your children will be safe. No more walking on eggshells. Other people there will be able to relate to your stories and not judge. You will be free to talk. Your children will be free. Some shelters have relocations to different cities or out of state. There are panic buttons, alarm systems and someone to talk to about your nightmares. Call the domestic abuse hotline for where to find help. This goes for women, men, gays and lesbians. Someday, for tens of thousands who waited, it was a day too late. Note: erase all your outgoing calls in case your abuser checking! Thanks and stay strong! I've spent time working with DV survivors.

Should I feel bad? My ex abused me now he's in jail for domestic violence because I pressed charges and I'm 5 months pregnant.

You might think of your good fortune to be away from a man who would batter a defenseless pregnant woman. Your ex husband is a wife beater and a criminal and deserves everything he got. Many women wait until it’s too late to do anything about an abuser and end up in the morgue or disabled for life.You might consider seeking some counseling and support from your local woman’s shelter, which specializes in protecting and giving comfort to victims like yourself.A woman in a domestic violence situation is twenty times more likely to be murdered in her home by an abusive partner. There is a similar pattern to domestic violence. The abuser physically abuses his victim, suddenly shows remorse, then apologizes profusely and begs forgiveness. Not understanding the nature of the abusive cycle, the woman agrees, the couple kiss and make up and the cycle repeats itself.The cycle may be interrupted either by a visit to the emergency room, intervention by authorities and the offender carted off to jail or the victim is so violently attacked, she is incapacitated by the injury or death.Often children are witness to the mayhem and are severely impacted by trauma that may haunt them. Many adult survivors become victims of partner abuse or become abusers themselves. The cycle thus becomes multi-generational.I’m sorry for your trouble. It took a lot of courage to turn on your tormentor but you succeeded in turning the tables and deserve congratulations. Good luck.

Should I forgive my partner after he choked me, slammed me on the ground, knocked my daughter off her stroller, said I deserve it, and, “It felt good to do so,” and then apologized the next day? Is there a chance he might do it again?

Choking a partner correlates more highly with later murdering that partner than any other physical abuse.And he physically abused your child.If you stick around, he is likely to murder you, your child, or the both of you.If he's extra sadistic, he'll make sure you get to watch him kill your child in your last moments before he then gives you what I as a mother would view as a mercy killing, considering the fact that I would end my own life anyway if someone killed my child and I knew I could have prevented it.And he will enjoy all this.You already know this is unacceptable. You already know you're living with your future murderer, and the future murderer of your child. You know.But abuse is mind-bending and psychologically mangling, so you are finding it difficult to leave. Leaving is also scary and involves overwhelming things like asking for help and even hiding.And you feel loving emotions about this man.But:No decent person would ever behave as he does.There are millions upon millions of men who would treat you better. (This is a low bar, by the way. Even your garden-variety abuser isn't THIS bad.)You can and will find love again.You need therapy.Ultimately, you are a parent, and so your feelings of love for this man do not matter. Your child is your priority. No matter how very much you love this guy, your love for him is irrelevant once we add in a child. You WILL feel bad leaving. You will feel very bad. But the child matters more than how bad you will feel.If you wish to forgive him, do it from a distance, in your own heart, after you have left him. Forgiveness is an internal experience — what it isn't, is letting someone continue to hurt you.And if you “forgive” him enough to stay, then I guess it will be up to God (if there is one) to forgive him after he murders you and your child. Those of us here on earth won't.

What's the best solution for protecting a 13-year-old kid from abuse at the hands of her dad? We don't want to ruin her dad's reputation as a teacher.

Remove the child from the situation. Send her away to live with relatives. That is what people did in the old days. This will physically protect her, but it will not bring her justice.Do you realize that since he lacks boundaries and has no respect for her as another human being means the chances he will, (or has), approached her sexually is extremely high? That will be the next step in her demoralization, and his dysfunctional need to prop up his sense of self by the destroying the sense of self in his daughter. Sadly, she may very well grow up feeling so shitty about herself, that when her child comes, she will repeat the process, and abuse her own child to gain some sense of power and control in her own life.Do you think she’ll just get over it once she leaves home? No one just gets over it. The path from victim to survivor is long and complicated. The shortest route is to have her situation acknowledge as wrong, brought a sense of justice by having her father charged with assault and child endangerment, and to be treated as an individual with basic human rights. And lots of counselling.Whoever ‘we’ is, you are at the fork in the road of deciding who YOU all are, morally and what your true values are. Saving the life and future of one young woman is all it would take to justify my existence on the planet, but that’s just me.I once stepped between an abusive guy and his girlfriend, and took a partial blow before he took off, when I said I would charge him with assault if he came after me. I did everything I could to empower that young woman to leave him, but I was only 18 at the time. She felt worthless. She had been abused as a girl. She had twins very young, and her family helped the father take them away from her, then she finds herself in yet another abusive situation. She said no one had ever stood up for her before. My sense of self righteousness was greater than my general knowledge of society. I only learned later on that there was this unwritten agreement in society to, “Mind your own business.” She committed suicide two weeks later. I have never forgotten her and I am proud of myself for going with my gut and trying to do the right thing.I like to think I don’t live in that kind of society anymore. So prove me right. Stop the multi-generational dysfunctional attitudes and behaviours and save the self of that young girl so she can grow up doing what is right and passing that on to the next generation.