So I Live With My Boyfriend And His Family. From What I Have Been Told This House Was In A Shrine

Is it normal that my boyfriend keeps physical photo of his ex in 0.5 meter dimensions after 2 years and a half being with each other, although I asked him to throw it away, as it upsets me?

Man, that sounds like a tough and confusing situation. But really, I feel like there are lots of red flags here, and I'm amazed you moved in with him. You must love him, because I would have drawn the line and left him by this point.I think details of their breakup would've made up my mind on how to proceed with it, and whether to even get into a relationship with him to begin with. What I mean is, did he break up with her (if so, behaviour's strange), or did she dump him (and is he just not over her?). Are they still talking? Photo in the walletI can only speak for myself, but my exboyfriend (dated for 5 years) and I are still on good terms, but I replaced my purse after our breakup, because I couldn't get our photos out of it. It had melted onto the plastic, and stuck there. So I find the fact that he won't even remove them for you off-putting. And putting photos in a wallet is such a personal an meaningful thing too. Are you in there? or just her? If we were dating and I saw that, it would be a huge red flag for me. Won't move old photos out of respectOk. What the f***? His relationship with her is over. There's no disrespect in throwing away mementoes of her. You are living with him, you are his future. If having so many photos of her makes you feel uncomfortable (it will make the most secure of people uncomfortable), and you have voiced that feeling, he needs to respect that and do something about it. I think you are right: he is respecting her more than you. And that needs to change.Keeping the big photoWhat is he holding on to? It's such a weird thing to do. Everything about your question makes me think he's just not over her. He might love you too, but clearly not as much as he loves her, or the memory of her. She is gone. Has been gone for over 3 years now, he needs to accept that. 2.5 years is long enough to be living in some other woman's shadow. I think you two need to sit down and talk (not fight) very calmly and seriously about this. Because this is not normal "I'm over my ex and ready to start a life with you" behaviour. I'm not usually one for ultimatums, but in this case, I think you need to think very deeply and honestly about how you two feel about each other. And say that if he can't take steps to getting over her, it's you he may be grieving over soon. Because I feel like you might be wasting your time with someone who won't even get rid of a photo of a past love. I don't know how stable your future with this man is.

If my son is gay but I don't want him to bring his boyfriend to the family Christmas how do I tell him without seeming homophobic and controlling?

I am a mother of two adult sons. One son is gay and one son is straight. I can speak with some authority regarding this question. If one of my sons said, “Mom, I have met someone great. I would love for them to meet you and I am bringing them to Christmas dinner.” I would say, “Great, I can’t wait to meet them! I am making a prime rib roast for dinner. Do they eat red meat, or should I Google some vegan recipes? – Oh, and be sure you give them fair warning about your aunt so-‘n-so, you know how she can be when she hits the sauce after dinner!”Notice I did not differentiate between my sons? The gender of the person they care about makes no difference to me. What does matter is that they are happy and the person they are with treats them well.Let us pretend your son said, “Mom, I have met a great girl and I am crazy about her! I would love for you to meet her and I am brining her to Christmas dinner.” Something tells me you would welcome the woman with open arms, even if you did not know her well. And you certainly would not be on Quora asking how to tell your son not to bring her home for Christmas.Your reasoning for not wanting your son’s partner in your home is disingenuous. Your son is going to see straight through your homophobic and controlling attitude—because it is obvious. It would be great if your son could go to his partner’s side of the family for Christmas dinner. A place where they would both be treated as a welcomed guest. That would gently let you off the hook without you having to concoct some lame excuse as to why they are not welcomed at your home for Christmas.

How do I get over my boyfriend's death?

I lost my Mother, with whom I was quite close, about six months ago. The way she died was agonizing and yet fast. I was the executor so I had to go through her things. Things that meant everything to her were now only valuable to goodwill. She was an amazing person in terms of what she gave to others vs what she got back. She was an embodiment of love and then she was gone.I will tell you what I have learned in my grieving.First, allow it. Don’t judge it. Allow yourself to cry and to mourn because this is the way through it. Not that you ever get over it, but the pain does lessen over time. Allow yourself the grace to suffer, because you have experienced a deep loss. This is okay, this is normal. This is how you heal.Second, I pray about it. I talk to God and I have come to peace with it. I see it differently than I did then. It doesn’t necessarily relate to your situation, but talking to your creator will help, it did for me. Death isn’t the end for them, although it is the end of your relationship with them here. That is what you mourn.Third, be grateful. They were special. They were unique. They were incredible. And they loved you. You had them in your life for some period. Many, many people go through life without this gift. Be thankful. Gratitude increases the probability that more love will come into your life. Be grateful.That is what I have learned so far. I’m not over it by any stretch but I would say its a journey and you come out the other end a deeper, more empathetic and compassionate person. Another thing to be grateful for.

How do you feel about a Christian go into a Buddhist's household for conversion and say "having a shrine to worship your dead ancestors is equivalent to worship ghosts and demons"?

I can write this from an interesting perspective, as I am both a Buddhist and a Christian, and a minister in both traditions. Anyone saying anything like "having a shrine to worship your dead ancestors is equivalent to worship ghosts and demons" is expressing a lack of understanding both of Buddhism and also of the word “worship.”Reverence is not worship. Reverence is deep respect. My grandfather was a professor of physics, a great teacher, and a great human being. I do not worship him. I do not believe his ghost is present. Yet I will think of him and write about him on Quora. At one time, I had one of his books proudly presented on my bookshelf. The ancestral altar in homes of Far Eastern culture is like that. The altar even has very little to do with Buddhism.So such an altar is not about worship, not about ghosts, and not about Buddhism. It is like the fact that the City University of New York named the Henry Semat Chair of Physics after my grandfather. In the US, we do not think that an honorary chair or a building or a monument to a person who made a difference implies worship. No one thinks we worship at the Lincoln Memorial, or at George Washington’s home at Mount Vernon.So a person saying such a thing may well have had very poor teachers. Or, for some other reason, that person is stuck in unclear and apparently judgmental and hostile thinking. Such a person deserves our compassion and our love.Now, I am not speaking to all views related to veneration of ancestors in all time and cultures of the far east. I am sure some people feel the presence of a beloved mother, father, or grandparent at such an altar. And some people do believe in ghosts. But, as Jesus taught, we must perfect ourselves in our own tradition and not criticize others for their traditions and beliefs.And that is the Christian view of a person who would say something like that, as well.photo from Man arrested for using penny to deface the Lincoln Memorial - NY Daily NewsDoes anyone think that US Citizens worship Abraham Lincoln at the Lincoln Memorial? Ancestral altars are like this.