Girlfriend moved for a different job and I need some advice as to how I should handle this situation. Thanks.?
I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year now and she interviewed for a job out of state and they offered her the job and she accepted. She's now moved over 600 miles away and the job pays roughly $1.50 more an hour. I was so looking forward towards a future with her. The thing that hurts the most is that I was thought so little of in this decison. In a monetary value it's roughly $60.00 dollars a week. I know that it's a wonderful opportunity for her and for advancement in her career but it's a huge blow to my ego to know that for $60.00 dollars a week she would just pack up and go. We had a wonderful relationship. She was married once before as was I and her ex cheated on her. She had many walls built which I thought that I had broken down. I dont know what to feel or how to feel. I'm happy that she is succesful in her professional life but I miss my best friend. I dont know how to approach this or what to do or say. I have expressed how I feel and she tells me that she loves me with her whole heart and says that this has always been a dream of hers. Im just very hurt and confused. Personally, if my heart is not happy then everything else is secondary. Obviously she does not feel this way. I just miss her smell, her touch, her taste. I miss kissing her at night and holding her hand.
What advice do you have for a woman starting a new career in her thirties?
The really important thing to have when starting a new career in your thirties is that you are passionate about it and have fun and excitement while doing it.It could be with teammates or colleagues, it could be because you are building something you care about or helping people. Whatever the reason it’s important that it be meaningful to you.The other thing that is important is that you keep a separation between work and personal life so that in a parallel process you are building or maintaining a personal life that gives you energy, support and a space to relax away from work.The third element is that you not make work into a family. Women in particular because they are skilled at building relationships sometimes forget that work is a job with certain functions and structures whose purpose is to maintain a company.Regardless of role and importance the company whether it is business, academic or self employment for example maintains itself often at the expense of employees. So the name of the game in today’s world is make sure your focus of attention is on yourself. This does not mean it has to be at the expense of others but it does mean you always have to consider your own needs as primary.Lastly it’s important to have a long range plan and goal for yourself as a guide for the next 3,5 and 10 years. This can be flexible as circumstances arise but it offers you a set of parameters to follow.
What advice would you give a young career woman who wants to quit so as to take care of kids?
Well, I understand this isn’t always an easy transition to make, but if you feel it’s best for your family then I think it’s worth the effort.And as far as how to make this happen, I’d keep doing what you’re doing. In other words, talk to other parents who stay at home and ask them for tips on how to make this change. Also, talk about what ups and downs to expect and lean on them for support.Of course, if you’re not sure where to find others like this, you might consider joining a moms’ group. For instance, I know MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meets throughout the country and might be able to connect you with women in your shoes.Also, I’m not sure if you’re married/have a Significant Other? If so, talk to them about your expectations and how to make this transition go smoothly for both of you.Lastly, if you’re a reader, there’s some great books our there for Stay at Home moms. For instance, maybe check out Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving Each Day & Much More by Cheryl Gochnauer?Hope this helps!
What golden advice would you give to a young woman (26) entering her career?
Same advice as a I give a man: the only thing that matters in the long term is the results you deliver and how you do that.Deliver results, and people want you to work for them. Do it well (ethically, agreeably, professionally, etc), and people will want to work with you - and then you'll be able to deliver better results. If there ever is a gender-related setback, the best comeback is for you to deliver results anyway.The people who think gender is significant don't matter in the long term. Short term, they may make life difficult for those around them, but you can safely ignore them and move on, as you would with someone who thought your race, sexuality, height or weight mattered.
What advice would you give a woman in the tech industry who is at the starting point in her career that will help her in the long run?
Try not to follow but create your own identity. Paint a vision of where you want to be in a year,2 and 5,don’t be afraid to dream big, and work towards it. Tell your manager about where you want to be and have him or her help youDon’t apologize when not needed and always ask for what you want and ensure that people don’t take you for granted.Most importantly don’t second guess yourself a lot, a lot of women do it especially earlier in their career and give up opportunities. If you think you are good at something go for it.
I need advice for choosing a career :pimp or scientist?
Pimp anytime, who needs another scientist. LOL. Now pimping as a mataphore can mean selling anything that sells and has a requirement. You could pick up a career in Marketing and Sales (specializations for pimping). My final year project for undergraduate studies was an Escort Service. I got a B+, only because the panel was too uptight about the nature of business and the catalog that I made, still they could not hold back my B+ -I was thinking that they will not give me anything more than a C.
What advice would you give to young women who want to pursue a career in tech?
Here's some advice from an old dude, who raised 3 daughters that are all engineers. Do it, and love it, if you're drawn to it. Keep your mind open, learn something new every day. Be kind, rational and objective. Take the high road when things get wonky. And (I'll probably get killed for this one), try not to think about being a woman too much, but rather, try to be the best person you can be period. I give the same advice to everyone regardless of their sex.And I absolutely LOVE Julie Zhuo's comment: Only compare yourself to you! Her entire point about being the best YOU is absolutely imperative. Its why some people excel and others worry about everyone else and end up stuck in a dead end. One of my daughters had nearly the same experience Julie had, where her male classmates had been coding since they were in diapers, and she hadn't. But she had put together her first computer fro parts when she was 10, and never really considered that as valid. Turns out it was!Finally, (and this one is tough), find places to work where its a true meritocracy. Where what you look like doesn't matter, but rather what you bring to the mission every day. And this part is not always obvious. But its an important thing to keep in mind. The companies that I've run always look like humanity, rather a frat house. But they're not all like that unfortunately.