Why is my ex mother in law keeps saying this?
Honey, some people are what I like to call "late bloomers". They never miss the water until the well runs dry! I believe she's feelin' a bit like she took you for granted and didn't appreciate you as well as you may've thought she did. And now, she's being faced with someone she thinks is worse for her son than she may've thought you were at one time. I believe, in trying to stay out of her son's affairs, she's asking you, without asking, to please talk some sense into her son about this new gf she probably can't stand so much. She probably thinks you're a much better fit, now that she believes her son has matured, and would rather see the 2 of you try again in order to keep the family together and preserve what's already an established family unit. It's like an old jalopy from the junkyard that still runs. If it ain't broke, don't fix it! I'm just shocked to learn she's been aware of her son's abuse toward you! If there's no hope at all for you and he to rekindle, don't let her go on with false hope. Let her down easy. Make it clear to her, you can't go back to someone who physically, mentally and emotionally tortured you into a basket case and that it took you so long to recover (and still recovering to some degree), that you're not willing to give up what you've achieved on your own, your new-found strength and independence, to become helpless again. She has to know "you just can't go home again". "ONCE WAS" is all there is now. Of course, I'm not trying to speak for you, but, if what I'm saying is how you truly feel, then, make her understand that. However, I am aware that when you're taking on the beast of survival alone and trying to raise children on your own, maybe without much help from anyone, financially or morally, it can seem easier to go back to the abuse just to have 2 incomes in the home and someone else worry about the bills to give yourself that long overdue relief you need from time to time. It's hard, I know. But as hard as it may be sometimes, you know you split because the children didn't need your ex's bad behavior in their lives, growing up with those ugly memories. I really hope and pray your life is filled with all the best ! Just keep telling yourself, YOU DESERVE IT ! And your children too! Good luck and God bless!
My 92-year-old mother says she wants to die. How do I convince her to stop saying it since it just makes my brother and me feel helpless?
Instead of trying to convince her to not speak this way, invite her to talk about it. Ask her why she feels this way, and what plans she wants to make in case she were to die soon. Let her talk about and plan her funeral and obituary, including songs and bible verses. Does she want a burial or cremation? Ask her why. When ever she brings it up actually engage in talk about her death.Get used to the idea of death. It’s not a dismal thing, it’s just the next step for her (and for all of us). Don’t be hesitant to talk about it. Talking about it will desensitize you and you won’t be so bummed out when she says things like “wanting to die”.Dig out the family photo albums or boxes of photos and go through them with her, identifying (and writing down) the names of the people. Ask her to tell stories about them. Ask her to tell you the family scandals—that should get her laughing. Ask her about her old boyfriends or her siblings’ boy/girlfriends. If you can, video or audio record those stories; they will be precious later.Ask her what songs where popular at the time the photos were taken. Download the songs if you can find them and play them for her. Burn a CD of her favorite tunes.Ask her for her best recipes and write them down. Compile a cookbook to be passed down to the next generation. Self-publishing can be done quite inexpensively through certain companies online. Include some of the pictures from the family album.Ask her if she has any incomplete business—financial or family matters. Is there anyone she needs to talk to to clean up old hostilities or to renew old friendships?(This may be part of the her issue—her friends are all dead already.)Ask if she would like to volunteer at a nearby senior center, nursing home or Alzheimer's residence. If she is hale and hearty, she’d be a welcome visitor. She would feel useful and might count her blessings after seeing people worse off than she.If she is a church goer, try to take her each Sunday and sit with her through the services. She may miss going. Even if you don’t care for it, you can make the sacrifice in order to make her happy.If she is preparing her self to die, that is her right and privilege. If you will follow these ideas, you will make her final days happy ones—or she may decide to stick around for a while longer.
My grandma keeps on threatening to disown me and my brother. We love her dearly, but what do we do?
I'm sorry that you are having proms with your grandmother. I know that you say that you left her, but I have you showed her that you love her? Like it or not, sometimes actions speak louder than words. Lukily (and especially with grandmas), a little bit goes a long way. Perhaps you could do something for your grandma to show her that you really do care. And, too, maybe you would be a good idea to talk with her about this. If you haven't been the best grandchild, then apologize to her and tell her how you really feel. If you don't know why there seems to be a conflict, then ask her what's bugging her. Believe me, a little communication can go along way.
My grandma wants to die? HELP?
you have to understand that as the older the people get, the more fear they have of dieing and going away. My grandparents always talk about how we should bury them and how they want their funeral. When ur grandma talks about that stuff she is just letting it out so that she can get some reasurrance with herself. At times like this u need to show her that she is loved and everyone loves her and that everyone needs her in this world, Be really supportive and always spend a good time with her. hope this helps~ p.s- there might also be something troubling her , talk to her
What can I do about my grandma lying about me?
I have been going to my grandma's house a lot, helping her run her errands, and spending a lot of time talking to her by phone and email. I was feeling really good about helping her, and I thought she appreciated my help and liked spending time with me too. I was on her back porch after mowing her back yard for her, and I heard her talking to my aunt, saying all sorts of mean things like what a pain I am and saying she thought I cheated her out of change from the drug store. They stopped talking when I came inside to get a drink. I said I had to leave and when I got home, my mom said my aunt called her saying how rotten it is that I am taking advantage of Grandma! I mow her lawn, run her errands, spend time with her, take her to her senior-citizen club meetings, etc. using my time, car, gasoline, etc. so how is that taking advantage of her? She is the one who invites me over and asks for help, I didn't cheat her out of anything (she gave me a $20 bill, and the receipt shows I paid with a $20, and I gave her the exact change, all 73 cents of it), and I do NOT get paid for helping her, and I never even hinted at wanting anything. I did ask grandma about it, telling her that my mom really laid in to me for taking advantage of her based on what my aunt said, and Grandma said they are all lying and to ignore it, and then she reminded me that she has a senior luncheon today she needs a ride to. I know my aunt and mom aren't lying, because I heard Grandma somewhat herself, like I said, so what do I do? I don't want people lying about me, but I also don't wan to seem childish over it all. What should I do?
Mother in law wants to know when she can keep my 7 week old baby overnight.?
Don't do it until you and your child are both ready!!! I didn't let my son spend the night with my own mother until he was 8 months old (which he has done only 3 or 4 times), and he has still NEVER spent the night with my in-laws or even been babysat by them during the day (he is now 19 months old). Your MIL's wishes are really inconsequential here. It all is up to YOU because you know your baby best, and you know how comfortable you feel about your MIL's responsibility level. These are your precious first weeks and months. Your baby is getting used to being outside your body, and you are developing a routine. DON'T be pressured. Wait until you and baby are ready. The purpose of baby spending the night with grandparents is for YOUR benefit as a tired mother and for YOUR BABY's benefit to get some extra stimulation and fun. It shouldn't be for your MIL pleasure only. 7 weeks is too young.
My grandmother is dying of cancer. What's the best way to spend time with her for the day I visit her?
Arrive with a smile on your face, this is tough but you will be able to do it.If you have photograph albums of when you were younger, take one of those.My own grandparents always used to love looking at photographs and talking about the things we had done together. Once you start talking, it won't seem hard, the memories and stories will just automatically start to flow.I always used to take my grandmother's favourite hand cream and that would give me an excuse to hold her hand whilst I rubbed cream into her hands. If I'm honest, my grandfather used to like that too.If you have an MP3 player or similar, try and find recordings of the music she likes, even if you only play one track, music can bring back happy memories.My grandfather had been in the RAF (Royal Air Force -Bomber Command) during WWII and I would take a book and we would look at it together, I would read out passages and he would enjoy talking about the people he had known, as Adam has said, these are things you may want to record.This is a difficult thing for anyone to do but it is tremendously important for you, as well as for your grandmother, that you do it.Finally, if you are able, don't forget to give her a hug and tell her how much she means to you.
How do I deal with my grandmother's alzheimers?
This is so ironic, because I went through the same thing about 6 months ago. The first thing you have to tell yourself is she is now a child, and thinks like a child. My Grandma was constantly asking questions of why and when she can go home. Eventually we decided as a family to tell her what exactly is wrong with her and why she can't go home. This is an option you may want to think about and discuss with your family. Statistics show that most alzheimers patients respond well to their families telling them exactly what is wrong with them. In fact my Grandma was relieved in knowing, because she thought she was terminally ill (with cancer) and we were keeping it from her. Please prepare yourself for the worst with this diesease. It will get worse. This is the one disease that hurts the family more than it will the actual person that has it. My biggest fear is that I will walk in one day and she won't know who I am. I struggle with that everyday. When ever she gets negative about her facility, change the subject. Don't even recognize what she's saying. For example: Grandma: "I don't like it here, when can I go home" You: "Hey Grandma, you look so pretty today, I love that sweater." Her mind is so child like, she won't even realize that you just competely ignored what you she just said to you and she will respond more to your positive attitude. I went to a seminar to educate myself more on the diesease and it helped out a lot. You should think about doing the same thing. Good luck sweetheart, I know it's hard.
Why does my grandmother like to insult me?
Oh dear. Sometimes people just don't know how to communicate, & your granny is definately one of them. Instead of telling you that she loves you, & is concerned about your health. The best that she can say is: "woah, you are skinny as a stick!" Instead of offering you advice on how you could have clearer skin, all she can manage is: "wow, you have pimples" You can't control the insulting things that your granny says to you. But you can control your reaction to them. I agree with you that her approach is entirely wrong, but I don't believe that it's her intent to insult you. I think she actually loves you, & wants you to be happy & healthy. So instead of thinking that she is on the attack when she says those things to you. Realize that she really does love you, & that her intentions are good. She's just not very skilled at expressing these feelings in a positive light. You ARE right, nobody's perfect, not even your grandmother. As an effective communicator, she's downright inept. So maybe, YOU can forgive her imperfections, the same way you want her to forgive yours.