How do you think I could improve this poem?
There are some excellent things in this poem. The imagery is quite nicely done. I like how the title integrates with the poem itself and gives it a very different tone than the words alone convey. It's got a nice iambic feel to it. The rhyme scheme could be improved by creating a more consistent rhyme scheme, like an ABAB, CDCD structure instead of only rhyming every other line. It will wreck a lot of your word choice, and it's certainly not a glaring issue.I would also suggest continuing with the structure you create in your first six lines of opening each line of each stanza with the same words. You establish this pattern in your fist six lines, and then never return to it. You could try to make the iambic meter more consistent. Most of the poem alternates between iambic tetrameter and trimeter, which works just fine, but you have a few lines that don't quite fit the mold. The danger to it is that it gets a little sing-songy, but there's certainly plenty of exemplary poetry through the ages that does. Again, love the content, love the imagery. Nice work.
What do you think of my poem?
I think expression is great in any form. My one critique is that since you use rhyme and slant rhyme you should probably revise to make each line have the same amount of syllables. That will give it more rhythm. Alternatively you could keep the blank verse, but do not worry about the end of the lines rhyming. Those are my opinions though. It seems like a good portion of a longer poem. I encourage you to add a few more lines, perhaps 4, and roll with that if you want.
How can I improve this poem?
So far, all I can see are maybe two or three minor misspellings and maybe an error in punctuation. Other than those small things, you're good to go! Misspellings that I noticed were: Eyeballsocket (can simply be eye socket) Bedybye (need a second "d" in bedy), "upsidedowns" (If this was purposeful, leave it, it works).
Do you like this poem I wrote ? How can I improve it ?
This poem needs a lot of revision. It's not successful as is. To revise this poem, I think you need to figure out what central message you're trying to get across. You seem to be saying that there is always pain, and that's a fine point to make, but what about that pain? Also, it's quite confusing to set up your poem saying you don't know about life, death, love, hate, but then say what you do know, and end up saying you know something. So I really think you need to work on your progression of ideas. Also, you set up contradictions with love having sadness, life disappointment. And that contradiction supports your "not knowing" in the first sentence, but then the set up of hate and grief throws everything off. It's logical that there is no happiness in hate, right? And death in grief? So what are you trying to say with that? And why one negative descriptor (no happiness) when all the others are positive (sadness, disappointment, grief)? That messes with your over all structure and flow. I recommend reading some of Emily Dickinson's poetry, she's great at playing with simple ideas but turning them in on themselves and riddling them out. Pay attention to what she does and how she does it, and then take that and apply it to your own writing.
What can I do to improve this poem essay?
Please give me quick tips to improve this essay. Got a B+ and want to know what I could improve on since we're doing a class re-write. The speakers in “My Papa’s Waltz” and “Grape Sherbet” are both looking into the past showing how memories mean something to you when you’re older. In “Grape Sherbet” the author says, “Now I see why you bothered, father” (Dove 28). That line shows how looking back, the author understands why her father did what she did. In “My Papa’s Waltz” the speaker says, “My mother’s countenance could not unfrown itself” (Roethke 7). The speaker realizes how his mother wasn’t really upset with him and his father. She was really just trying to hide her laughter, though the speaker didn’t realize that until he looked back as an adult. The different tones of “My Papa’s Waltz” and “Grape Sherbet” are used to show what the memories have taught the speakers. In “Grape Sherbet” the speaker describes the bad parts of her memory to be “like salt on a melon that makes it sweeter” (Dove 15). The thankful tone shows how the speaker is grateful for both the good and bad parts of her memories because they remind her to be thankful for what she has when she has it. “My Papa’s Waltz” has a somber tone, saying “Then waltzed me off to bed still clinging to your shirt” (Roethke 12). The speaker remembers how even though his father was drunk, he still depended on him as a child and has learned to make the best out of every memory.
Can you help me improve this?
the dumb kind as my eyes get lost in the clouds up high i think to myself 'oh why, oh why'? why must this be happening to me? why is everyone blind when i can see? i live in a world of ignorance where no-one ever gives me a chance they think i'm a useless waste of space just because i go at my own pace. why must i hide the talents i possess? just so someone else can get the best? i'm mute, but talking is not that great, it's just one way to communicate. sometimes i want to be like a hawk, i'd fly away when people gawk. they see the imperfections in me, it's the talents they refuse to see. i can write and play sonorous music, i was born with paint on my cheek, can deftly run as fast as a cheetah, and a game of chess? sure i'll beat ya. but i am not as social as others, i can't be- i'm 'warned' against by mothers. they think i have something contagious, to my problems they are oblivious. they don't let children open their minds, but, instead let them be the dumb kind.
What do u think of this apology poem?:)?
It is called:Sorry,Sorry,Sorry In time Of need i wasn't there indeed Mistake it was My friendship it cost A sister was lost memories were post in our minds the most A friend you want And more worries you got sorry,if i let you down In the middle of the crowd Sorry,I didn't get the point Of being so depressed Sorry,because i wasn't there when you needed a teddy bear mistake people do but they correct them due There for you, i am going to be if the west you are in i will come you from the east feel better,i want to make you opening your heart, i want you just to see a smile from the heart i want to be a part of whom pushes the cart the cart of stress and make it fill with bless and just for the record Skillet i hate Sorry,sorry,sorry.:) so what do you think i wrote it in like 5 min and beside english is my 2nd language so please be honest:) p.s:don't rewrite my poem thanks in advance:)