What do you think about this paragraph as the very first in a novel?
I don't think it's much good, to be honest. It's an infodump of pure, unrefined exposition. You could get away with that for a paragraph if the language were string enough to draw the reader in, but the words don't flow and the phrases are clichéd. Show not tell. Why not begin with a brief prologue following a character as they venture nervously (or brazenly, or angrily, or... anything as long as it feels real) out into the night, ending at the moment when they realise they are about to become the killer's latest victim? Create some atmosphere. Show how the city was paralysed: the empty streets, the full taxis, a vibrant nightlife stilled by the chill hand of fear (though: would that really happen to New York? The city that never sleeps? Millions of people terrified? You might be better setting it in a smaller town). Then: Five years later...
Do you approve of this paragraph in a novel?
Characters' actions do more for the reader than characters' thoughts. Instead of making Jack think about the gun in Paul's mouth, show him actually putting it there and then changing his mind.Overall it needs more detail if the reader is to feel it. How did Jack go about pulling Paul out of the car, and how did Paul react? Did he resist? Did he have any strength left? Did he get wet in the rain? What do we hear when Jack throws him in the trunk and slams it shut? What went on in Jack's mind as he circled the block? Why did he circle the block? If he has a particular reason to do this you should let the reader know before this scene. If he doesn't, you don't need the detail.The answers to all these questions are clear to you. Make them clear to us.Finally: no comma after "pulled Paul out" or "pulled over".
What do you think of these paragraphs from the first chapter of my novel?
You do realize this is the land of harsh criticism when it comes to writing, don’t you?I’d trim off everything above the line “We need to talk” and start the narrative there.I’d change “I do love you” and the following into a phrase that isn’t as predictable an answer. The answer anyone might give. Your character should give a different answer than what everyone would give.I get that its a lie. But you had to tell me its a lie and that’s the problem with it. Something that makes me believe it to be a lie would be better. Persuade me to the conclusion, don’t force me to it.Have him think about where he’s supposed to be instead of having this conversation, for example. Maybe a little angry that she interrupted him.He should perhaps be concerned that this relationship is ending but not for the reason that he loves her. Perhaps because he’s possessive. Perhaps because he’s finding it boosts his ego to have her as a girlfriend.It also might help to have something that lets us sympathize with her character if the need to make this significant was there.“Screamed” is a little extreme, don’t you think? Hollered, yelled, …
Do you find this paragraph too boring and 'tell' for a novel?
The paragraph isn't boring-- there are just three sentences you see!But for the curiosity it arouses, it is insufficient if one is to judge whether it is boring. Who's Jack? Who's White? Who 'found nothing?' You are talking about three subjects in a total of three sentences. Moreover, the 'paragraph' looks like a culmination of a mystery that has been built up in the preceding paragraphs or the previous chapter/s.It would be better to provide a context or a longer paragraph. But as far as the language is concerned, it is pretty easy. Also, how long do you mean the novel to be?If you want to believe my opinion on language and whether you're getting boring, I don't think it matters very much. The subject matter you have taken up seems to be pretty sophisticated and not just bestseller-variety. What this means is that you can perfectly concentrate on a larger frame and not really worry about whether you're getting boring in a post-modernist scene.
Grade these paragraphs on To Kill A Mockingbird?
Okay, so i have to write an essay comparing role models for Scout... and the three women i am picking are Miss Maudie, Aunt Alexandra, and Calpurnia... So these are my paragraphs on Miss Maudie and Aunt Alexandra... tell me how they are and please give suggestions! thanx! Body Paragraph 1 In the novel, Miss Maudie is shown as someone who understands children’s nature and relates to Atticus in many ways. For example, she gives Scout moral guidance about confusing topics such as Boo Radley. She says, “Arthur Radley just stays in the house, that’s all. […] Wouldn’t you stay in the house if you didn’t want to come out?” (58). Also, Miss Maudie demonstrates bravery and optimism when her house burned down. She did not go around sulking and feeling lachrymose. Instead, she acted positively by saying that she never really liked her house anyway. With her amiable personality, Miss Maudie becomes a friend of Scout’s. Miss Maudie is always ready to offer her guidance to those who need it, and by doing so; she earns Scout’s respect, thus making her a great role model. Miss Maudie also aids the transformation of Scout from a child to a young lady by improving Scout’s public appearance, just like Aunt Alexandra. Body Paragraph 2 Aunt Alexandra, wanting to see her family be as perfect as possible, arrives in Maycomb in hopes of making Scout a perfect little lady. As news of Tom Robinson’s death arrives, Aunt Alexandra is overwhelmed, but quickly suppresses the feeling so that the ladies do not suspect that anything happened. Through this experience, Scout learns that she should follow in her Aunt’s footsteps. “After all, if Aunty could be a lady at a time like this, so could I” (318). Scout wants to be as resolute as her Aunty in this matter, so she imitates her. Another example of how Aunt Alexandra’s influences actually make Scout strive to become a young lady happens when Scout joins the ladies for tea. She sits properly and listens intently, hoping to please Aunt Alexandra. Although Aunty only wants the best for the Finch family and for Scout, she would not make a good role model for Scout because she has not done anything that could be remembered by Scout. Even though Aunt Alexandra’s benevolence is meant only for good, she cannot compare to what Calpurnia has done for her for all these years.
2 paragraph short stories?
get a copy of "Fast Fiction: Creating Fiction in Five Minutes" by Roberta Allen. It's a great book on short short stories. She includes a tone of writing prompts and shows you how top find your own.
What would be a good transition sentence for these two paragraphs?
As the beastie was symbolic of evil and savergy, the glasses that Piggy wore were a reminder of civilization and good, not evil.
Is it ok to start an introductory paragraph with a question?
My essay has to be on the novel crime and punishment and I have to write about what causes a man to commit such a crime and what leads to redemption in the novel. Now is it ok to start the introductory paragraph with a question? Heres what I have so far: What causes a man to commit a crime such as murder? Is it his lifestyle? Perhaps it was the way his family raised him? Or could it have derived from that one question..."could I really do that?"? Any suggestions?