How to deal with my son's incest?
Ok, I am not 100% sure but extremely suspicious.. and worried. of course I don't want this to be true. I have a son [17] and a daughter [15], whenever my daughter is out on a date he gets anxious and fidgety. at first I thought he was worried about his little sister, or possibly even miss her. but if she passes curfew, my son would start violently circling around the house. Last week was going to wash my son's sheets and I found my daughter's underwear under his pillow with his stain on it. I do not want to believe it, I have not talked to him about this but I think he knew that I knew, because I took the underwear from his room, he hasn't talked to me or look at me since. I am broken and afraid, I feel like I no longer know him, if you are a parent who survived this situation please help me. I don't know what to do, I fear for my daughter.
My son hates me, how do I deal with this?
It is really important for you to find a professional, like a psychologist, to talk to. You need to do a couple of things. First, you need to find a way to be happy and fulfilled even if you never reconnect with your son. This isn't to downplay your desire for a relationship. It will actually help create the opportunity for a relationship. When we come across as really needing something, it can actually show so much in our way of talking and acting that we can put the other person off. Strange as it sounds, when you are in a place to be most accepting of living without a relationship with him, that is probably when he will really start opening up. Next, you need to have a chance to really explain the decision that you made and what your son went through to a professional. It is very possible that you did the right thing and have nothing to apologize for. However, maybe there is a possibility that some sort of apology needs to take place or at least a discussion of how your actions did result in some pain for your son, even if the outcome may have been for the best. Also, you can explore with the counselor whether something may have happened to your son while he was away. If there was some form of inappropriate behavior/abuse that occurred that you don't know about, he may be associating you with that experience. He might be too ashamed to admit what happened but too pained to connect with you because of the reminder. A psychologist can help you process these kinds of possibilities, give you tools for enduring without a relationship at this time, and suggest ways to keep showing that you love your son unconditionally now and that you are ready when he is to take the next step. The father/son relationship is so very crucial and so very complex. Seek help, keep working on it, and keep up hope. When people change, they are chipping away at a wall from the inside. You can't see it while it is happening. You only see it when they have finally broken through. It seems like a miraculous, sudden event, but it isn't. Because the work is invisible, you need to stay positive and open while your son has a chance to work through his own issues. I wish you the best.
How do I deal with my son who resents me?
The best thing you can do is: stop “dealing” with that son and start “loving” him instead, unconditionally. It is your responsibility to make your boy feel how much you love him ALWAYS, even when he is really mad at you.You can’t control a child. You mustn’t even try that. You can control your own mind and anxiety. That is what you should be working on because that is the only thing we can control in this world: Our Minds.If you start seeing your child as a person who deserves your respect and unconditional love, if you acknowledge your own flaws, you will be in whole better position to embrace this challenge together: You and your child need to heal a wound.If your child has hard feelings on you, he may have some very good reasons. Even if you had a good intention, perhaps you were too rude, or maybe too loud, or it just wasn’t the right time. Why don’t you try these:1) Hug him and tell him how much you love him every time you can, especially when he is very angry.2) When he says something that hurts your feelings, you apologize. Let your child hear from you how sorry you are for hurting him. It is more that OK if you tell your child you know that you did wrong and you regret that.3) Don’t come up with excuses. That line: “I did this because I love you”- should be illegal and 100% forbidden. We don’t hurt our children because we love them. You messed up because you are an imperfect human being (just like all of us) and your child needs to know that. You should tell him.4) Talk about your feelings and his feelings too. Resentment is OK, as long as we do our best to heal and learn from that.5) Make a plan to make it work together. For example: empower your child so that he can stop you when you start nagging. Parents are not supposed to be perfect, we are not supposed to have every answer. It is our job to do our best to be the best parents we can be.These tips will work if your child is 4 years old and also if he is 40. We never stop being parents, and he will never stop being your son.
How do you deal with a narcissistic son?
A narcissist son is created by their Parents. Odds are you (if the mother of this son) are either a Narcissist or a Codependent yourself.A narcissist’s behavior are their tools to survive. So you do not want to interfere with thoseI use a Observe (their behavior) dont Absorb (their behavior into your emotional or mental state). This technique generally works with everyone. The moment you let others behaviors into your emotional state - youve created your own problem to deal with an aspect of your SELF..Understanding what it is - will help IF and only IF you arent self diagnosing him. Everyday people are not capable nor pyschologically trained to diagnose others. Someone with a more formal background in pyschology is suited for that. Placing stigma on others based on behaviors you may or dont understand is an INCORRECT way to deal with the situation.If its your son. Try loving and accepting his behavior. Give him the nuturement that was refused to him early in his development (which is the source cause of how someone develops narcissism).If I had a Narcissist child - Id glady give them what they need to survive. The good thing about narcissists is that they are looking for “something” and will give you clues on what that is. As a parent its my responsibility to ensure his survival no matter the mistakes I committed early in his personality development (which can be as early as infancy). Thats my two cents - I apologize if I came off rude or harsh as I realize your looking for advice.Therapy for you may always be an option that could help you build a relationship with him… Plz do not force him to go to therapy with you. You can seriously damage him. This is your problem and one you should take iniative in solving . You shouldnt force him to correct his ways (unless there are some underlying issues that pose a serious danger to his health or physical security - which even then you can do little about other than to look into yourself in managing the situation). Alot of times kids look at parents to see how they solve their problems and mimick those in their life. So be a good and solid example no matter how difficult it can be.
How should I deal with my girlfriends son?
I have been with my girlfriend for almost six years now and her son (now 12 years old) and I have been at each others throats off and on for the duration of the relationship. Usually, I get upset at him for being defiant, disrespectful, and inappropriate with his mother. To put it in perspective: every morning I wake up to hearing her screaming her head off at him because he refuses to do what she tells him [i.e. get out of bed, get dressed (which she was still helping him do up to a year-year and a half ago), brush his teeth, STOP ARGUING, mind his own business with the other kids, etc.]. He is very lazy and every time she asks or tells him to do anything he argues and questions why he has to do it (he often questions why she won't make her 5 year old daughter do things that she's incapable of). He knows that it gets me fired up and he uses that against me. After I step in, which my girlfriend doesn't want me to do in the first place, he turns his attitude to me, and it really gets me angry. I've felt like bashing my head into things but I haven't yet. I do have anger issues and am in counseling for them, so I've been able to handle myself thus far. The thing is, she always takes his side even when he's being absolutely horrible with her, and then I have both him and her jumping on my back. I don't think I'm undermining her and he absolutely does not respect her as an authoritative figure and I can't help my getting upset about it. What can I do?
How to deal with my sons' semen on the sheets?
This question may seem odd, but please bear with my concern. Thanks! I'm a proud dad of 5 boys who are at "that" age. They're 16, twins are 15, 13 and 12. I get that at their age, they're developing and starting to masturbate and get wet-dreams. But there's got to be some way I could control the amount of semen on the sheets every week. I'm a single father, and yes, I do the laundry. I take the sheets off their beds, and it would be covered in the stuff. I wash their boxers and I can see patches of semen, that they thought would just dry up and I wouldn't notice. At first, I was glad to know my boys are functioning just fine because I noticed the stuff on each of my son's bed and clothes. But I didn't expect to have to deal with a lot of it. I've given them the sex talk, but this is a tricky one. How should I deal with this? And I know the solution is to talk to them, but how do I open the discussion.
How do I deal with my 9 year old son who was looking at HARD CORE pornography on the internet.?
Don't be harsh with him or punish him for it--he didn't know what he was doing. Be gentle with him about it, because if he feels guilty then he'll be more likely to obsess about it. Ask him if he has any questions about what he saw, so he can get any worries or concerns off his chest. Then talk to him, but keep it short and simple. Children can't process a lot of information (i.e., long lectures and big words). It's perfectly normal for kids that age not to like kisses (they're at that "cooties" stage :). He probably was just curious because the porn was unfamiliar to him. So I'd say something like this: "Remember what you saw on Aunt ___'s computer? That was called porn. I'm sorry you accidentally saw that, because porn isn't good for kids or grown-ups to look at. That's why I made sure it can't get on our computer, so you'll be safe. I know it wasn't your fault, so I'm not angry with you. Do you have anything you want to ask me about what you saw?" Leave it at that. A kid with a healthy home and loving parents won't be permanently scarred from something like that. TLC will help him bounce back from that trauma, just like other childhood traumas (a broken arm or getting lost in a mall). But keep an eye on him--if he does show signs of anxiety or depression (including acting up more than usual), I'd recommend taking him to see a child therapist to help him work through the memories. Good luck, and congrats on paying attention to what goes into your kid's mind! Those pop-ups are the worst.
My son-in-law is a real idiot. How do I deal with him?
I have a strong distaste for liars, too, but in a matter such as this his relationship with his children is his business. Now, if the children ask you about him, you are under no obligation to support his lies. If you are in the room when he tells one of his whoppers, just jokingly say, "What? That's funny, because you told me that...." In a way, you're letting him know that others are aware of the truth and you're forcing him to be more accountable (or at least explain this new story). Just be aware that, by doing so, you may tick him off and, as payback, he could portray you in a negative light to your grandchildren. For most of us, it takes decades before we can see our family members objectively. The same will likely be truth for your grandchildren. In short, you son-in-law's lies will eventually come to light with or without you stepping in at this time.