What Is Wrong With Me

What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with me?
I think that I might be bipolar or schizophrenic, but self-diagnosis/diagnosis over the internet is not reliable. Yet, I still what to know what you guys think about my predicament. I am a 17-year-old female.

List of things that I don't think are normal:
1. I space out during the middle of conversations and completely forget what was going on and what we were talking about.
2. My vision often goes blurry when I am trying to focus, as if it is trying to prevent me from focusing.
3. I have the hardest time focusing; I always have a million things going on in my head (racing thoughts)
4. Throughout the day, I have a tendency to envision people dying either by my own hands or by excessively violent means. Sometimes, I will stand in the kitchen while holding things like knifes and I will imagine myself using them to inflict pain. When I realize what I was doing, I always stop and walk away. The sad thing is that I often envision myself slitting my family member's necks and letting them drip dry.
5. I get giant mood swings all day. I'll go from super depressed to unusually ecstatic/hyper
6. When I am home alone, I often get spouts of random anger and I'll scream profanities at the top of my lungs like, "F**k this sh**!" or "What the f**k?"
7. Also, when get anger spouts, I have a tendency to break or thrash things.
8. My sexual drive is insane: I will go from never wanting to have sex to suddenly craving it like an addiction. This happens usually throughout the week, every week.
9. I have had really bad depression in the past and I have attempted suicide once. My depression, which still comes and goes, lasted from 6th grade to 9th grade.
10. I rarely ever socialize. I prefer spending time alone because people irritate me to no end. I have probably spent a total of 1 year on the computer, if I was to add up my excessive usage.
11. I never had a set sleeping pattern. It is all over the place.
12. I often have terrible headaches that prevent me from functioning normally.
13. I almost always tear up when I talk to people, but I don't feel sad.
14. I constantly want to abandon everything in my life right now like my family, pets, school, books, etc and retreat into the wild but then, suddenly, I love the security of living in my room and spending time alone.

Is there something wrong with me...?

What is wrong with me?

I'm asking here as an effort to get opinions as every doctor I go to gives me a different diagnoses. I can't sleep. I wake up 7+ times a night. I have extremely realistic horrible nightmares and sleep paralysis often. I wake up maybe twice a week with panic attacks. I get panic attacks pretty regularly and they are so bad I get sick. I have an obsessive fear of everything. Cancer, people, sickness, germs, bacteria. What i'm most afraid of changes but sometimes lasts months/years. My longest delusion was when I spent 5 years convinced I had cancer. At the worst of that I was checking for symptoms hundreds of times a day and considering suicide to avoid having to find out I was dying. Another bad one was when for 2 years I could only eat things that were factory sealed and if my food left my sight even for a minute I could not eat it as I would be convinced it was poisoned/contaminated. Even if I was home alone. I know after the obsession leaves that it's irrational but when it's happening i'm totally convinced it's real. Even if I know it can't be. If that makes any sense.The voices in my head just won't stop whispering ever. I never get a second of rest. My entire life is numbness and blind panic. I don't go out anymore. I don't talk to any of my friends or family (Outside of the family I live with). Also if it helps at all my father has the exact same symptoms and always has. I've been told I have everything from OCD to schizophrenia. I need help I can't live like this.

What the hell is wrong with me?

So I m in college right now and I just finished applying for a job at Gordy s pizza as a delivery driver after my mom suggested it to me. But part of me doesn t want them to call me for an interview. I don t know why I ve worked 2 other jobs before, Jimmy Johns which i enjoyed for 10 months before leaving and Dominos which I didn t really like and after leaving domino s I just...maybe it was the people, the night shift, the disregard for labor laws, it being a night shift. I didn t like that. So I left and returned to college, perhaps as a way to take my mind off of it and I guess a way to get away from getting another one. When my mom brought up the fact that these people are hiring and need workers to hire, like now. I felt anxious, like I didn t want to apply, I have money, I don’t pay rent and hell i even get the house when my parents pass so I feel like i m in a lucky place all things considered. But why do I feel this way, why am I so scared of getting a job nowadays. I try to think this is normal, thay everyone goes though being nervous about a new job, but I don’t feel like not wanting to work is normal. I feel like it s more Idk what I want to do and people are unsympathetic and just say i m lazy if I try to explain it cause too be honest. I don t even feel like I can explain it to myself. What should I do, if any of this makes sense?

(Writing this out kind makes me feel better...bit not really, I thought it would though)

What the heck is wrong with me?

I'm 15 years old and for the last 4 weeks or so, I have been feeling wierd..It started with sharp heart pains, and dizziness along with pressure on my jaw and sort of achy leg. I also have the habit of burping alot when I get suffocated. I went to the ER the other day and got a EKG and CAT scan of my heart and brain and everything came out good. My pressure was fine along with my blood tests. I don't really feel worse or anything but I still feel the same, what is going on???!!!!




And it sucks so bad cause I'm on vacation and I was going to train hard for Crosss COuntry but I feel like crap!


My left side wisdom teeth is half grown in but I don't think that can do all this?