What is the difference between being brutally honest and being an asshole?
Instrumentality.It's pretty simple, actually.Words contain no value on their own. When you speak, you're using words as tools in order to act on something or someone. You're trying to have an effect on something. Speech is useless otherwise.Brutal honesty is a form of speech that can be used as a powerful tool. Brutal honesty requires that user not fear the negative short-term consequences of what they say. Disregarding others' opinions about what you "should" say gives you a certain amount of power to cause greater change, and as such, you can inspire people to change, draw attention to problems, or other powerful acts. For example, I can tell a friend frankly that his actions are inconsiderate and that he needs to treat people with more respect. Or I can tell an ex-girlfriend the real reason I broke up with her.Assholes, however, are different.People we perceive as assholes use words as tools with no distinction, usually as a means to gratify their egos. They say insulting or harmful things (that they perceive as true, probably) even when doing so will result in no positive consequence. They use "honesty" as a means to internally justify their actions. But they have no intention of doing good through what they say.
Should I call my boyfriend cute or hot?
Be honest with your boyfriend, If you find him cute then call him cute, you find him hot then call him hot, if you find him pretty then call him pretty, if you find him handsome then call him handsome. It is that simple.I mean at the end of the day everyone wants honesty, not any brutal honesty just honesty put in kind terms. Usually it is best to treat people as you like to be treated. You want him to be honest when he calls pretty/beautiful/smart/cute if I am not mistaken.You want him to be sweet & honest, Am i right? I hope so. If you say no I do not care then let me ask you is it okay for him to be rude & honest? Probably not.Plus you should keep you & your boyfriend between you and your boyfriend. Do not include others, no friends, no family, no strangers, no body. Everyone is biased and has different views, thought processes and experiences on this matter which makes most non general advice useless. Because I am assuming non of those people know your boyfriend better than he knows himself, so if you really wanna know what he wants then please ask him and nobody but him, sure you can get an idea by asking someone but never take anyone else’s advice or opinion to heart about your relationship except your Significant Other.Again like I said earlier “Usually it is best to treat people as you like to be treated”. Let me emphasis just a teeny weeny bit more. Say your boyfriend doesn’t know whether you prefer roses or orchids maybe indecisive about white or red, would it be ok if he asks someone else whether he should by you this or that, or just ask you directly? I mean who knows you more than you right?I hope it was not to confusing or abstract and you understand what I am trying to say.Summary:-Ask him not othersyou both know yourselves more than othersTreat him how you prefer to be treatedHave everything about you two between you two.....Oh and I forgot good luck and hope you two mature and have better relationship maybe grow into something amazing even.
Is it wrong to be offended by my boyfriend being brutally honest?
Most people use brutally honest to mean being honestly brutal to you.Here’s an example.I’m your boyfriend. Here’s what I call being brutally honest with you.When you’re tired you get all whiny. It’s really annoying. You really should grow up.If we were to look at the claims I make when I say I’m being brutally honest, we can see how they’re by and large not the objective truth, and not universally shared.I call you whiny. That’s really my judgment of you. Many people, maybe even the world at large, would agree with my judgment. It’s still a judgment. And some others would hear it as a cry for help, but not a whine.I say it’s really annoying. And the truth is that I’m really annoyed when I hear it. Other people might not be. They might hear it and take it as a sign that you need sleep or food.I say you should grow up. And again, that’s my judgment. Many people might agree with me. But others would think it would be kind to help you find a place to rest or food to get back your energy.All of those things are honest insofar as they are my judgments of you. But they’re not true about you in any objective sense.Here’s a try at a more brutally honest description:You have this voice when you’re tired. I don’t like it. It’s a slightly higher pitch and has a vibration in it, like it’s scratchy. I’m really annoyed when I hear it. I really don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to talk to you or be near you when I hear it. I want you to change so I don’t feel uncomfortable.That’s a lot closer to being brutally honest. It’s also being accountable. I don’t want to say it that way because then I have to fess up to the fact that I want you to change because I don’t want to be uncomfortable. I’d rather tell you how to be different.So, my guess is that your boyfriend isn’t being brutally honest with himself. He’s being brutally judgmental about you.When I find myself in that situation, I have a talk with the other person. And it usually starts by having empathy for that person. Because I often find that they wouldn’t be judgmental if they didn’t need some empathy themselves.
When was somebody brutally honest to you?
Oh, many times.I’ve received my fair share of brutal honesty. For many things.It’s unfortunately rarely ever useful.I’m not saying that because I’m like pissed off about it or something, I’m just saying that objectively…brutal honesty is subjective.It’s not actually reliably true.It’s one person’s opinion.Just because someone holds a “brutally honest” opinion about you, that doesn’t mean that everyone has the same opinion.And in reality, the things that are of true consequence about you, for the most part, are not subjective.If someone hates me, and says so in “brutally honest fashion” and then someone a few days later pays me a compliment that is in direct contradiction of that other person’s opinion, then how much weight do I give that brutally honest opinion?I kind of can’t really take it seriously all that much.I once had an acting teacher tell me (after three years of teaching me) “You’re a beautiful human being. I really think that about you.”It was rather honest.Brutal?No. That was his honest opinion.I have had someone tell me that I’m “a crap actor.”I have to wonder. Is that honesty? Yep. Sure is.Is it accurate?No.Perhaps they saw a bad performance I did. But, I don’t know. They just sound angry. I’ve had other people tell me otherwise, and I don’t get the “you’re acting is crap” criticism very often.In fact, I’ve had it precisely two times in my life.Two people have told me that they honestly feel I’m not good at it.It’s possible that they are “the only two people brave enough to say anything,” but I don’t know about that.Seems awfully unlikely.
Is it okay for my boyfriend to call my dress that I wore today ugly even though he's being honest with me?
It depends: are you okay with it? Because a boyfriend should…A) Know better than to be so crude and say something so insensitive when you put a lot of effort into your dress, and he knows that his opinion would matter so much to you.-or-B) Know better than to lie about something when he knows that you trust him to give an honest answer above all else.I’d personally say it’s okay, but that’s only because I’d prefer an actual honest opinion, and because I have the ego fortitude to take an affront to my style(or lack of it). Heck, I’d tell my mother that the dress she wore was ugly - in fact, she once got a haircut, and I told her she looked like a villain from an Austin Powers movie. And she returns that brutal honesty in kind, and neither of us mind, because we both understand that honesty is one of the most valuable commodities in this culture of personal image and subtext.But that’s just me. Really, what matters is you. If you feel the relationship is working(either because of or despite his honesty), and you derive emotional satisfaction from it, then who gives a damn what anyone on this site thinks?
Have you or would you ever date someone who is brutally honest with you about everything?
Yes, I have. And, it is something that I would love to do again.I was trying out clothes to wear for an event.‘Am I looking fat in this?’ I ask, frantically.‘A little. You should go with the blue top.’I can ask him anything and get an honest opinion.Boyfriend had just shifted to a new place.He met a girl there, an old acquaintance of his, but a familiar face in the sea of strangers.They started hanging out a bit, after work, every few days.She would sometimes come to his place and have a drink alone with him.‘Hey! It’s getting late. She’s staying at my place tonight. Is that okay?’He would never lie or cheat or hide important things.We were in the middle of a mountain hike. He was looking a bit off colour.‘Is everything okay?’ I ask.‘I am scared of heights. This is making me uncomfortable. Can we go back down or sit for a while?’He isn’t scared to show/talk about his feelings instead of making excuses.The next day after a fight, he calls me and says:‘I feel hurt by what happened. I need some time off to sort my thoughts out and have some space. Let’s take a break for a while.’When he says a break, it means a break. It isn’t a code word for break up.‘You’re an amazing person. I’m so lucky to have you in my life.’When he says something nice he means it.The best thing about dating a brutally honest person is that you never need to guess what they are thinking or figure out the signs and signals and double meanings. They always mean what they say which gives it a lot more value.Note: I’m taking brutally honest to mean someone who is extremely honest, and doesn’t sugarcoat words or add filters before saying something, even if it is harsh. I am not talking about people who use honesty to hurt others intentionally.
Am I ugly be honest? How can I improve? (pics)?
you say you're 19 but you look around 15. this is your problem. the gameplan: -get a haircut! I'm not saying lose the length, long hair is lovely.... just go to a professional (NOT FIRST CHOICE) and get it nicely layered and styled so that it doesnt have that triangular effect (no volume on top, more volume on bottom = NONO) -learn how to style your hair, go straight, wavy, curl it... explore! -your style needs a big...big change... cut out the small little necklaces that scream grade 7, and the young clothing... look for something that makes a statement... find your style (but a mature version of it). store suggestion : urbanoutfitters.com
Being too honest is a bad thing?
I've always been a really honest person. But now I'm starting to think being honest is.... not so much of a good thing. When I really like something, or when I'm happy about something I express it. Same goes for when I'm unhappy about something/someone. I always hear people talk about how much they want other people to just be honest with them, but then when I voice my opinion, they get upset. Some of my former friends would talk about how much they love how honest I am, but then when I voice my opinion about something that bothers me, They get really really upset with me. I feel so alone now and I don't know how to change this part of me, so I need some advice on how i can fix myself :/ Any suggestions?