How to overcome sexual abuse as a child?
I was molested by my brother from ages.8 till 11 im not sure yet if it was my fault or not. Ive started thinking about it more since ive had a baby.and Ive been living with my dad my brother and his gf my brother and his gf are both heroin addicts my dad.denies it not bcuz its not true but bcuz he refuses to beileve it...anyways the other day my brother brutally beat me and threw me down the stairs which is the first time he put his hands on me since back when he use to molest me. Im am now at my moms house but since that happened the other day I've been having very.vivid flashbacks of what he use to do me. I did some research and found thus website http://www.thehealingplace.info/adult-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse/ its explained to me why I have all the problems ive had for years and didnt know why. anxiety.depressiom panic attacks feeling lost life feeling so confused in life and like.im so different not being able to trust or committ in a realationshop and so much more PLEASE HELP HOW DO I OVERCOME THIS AND HAVE A NORMAL LIFE. Is it my fault..
How can I overcome the fear of being assertive?
Unfortunately, your father is at fault here - and now you have unlearn all that which you had been taught.The point of the parents - the reason for their existence, if they choose to have kids - is to raise independent and assertive people.Yes, kids will test boundaries - it’s natural, that’s how kids explore their surroundings and learn.And your father had taught you the wrong thing.Of course, we can sit and blame him and he would care less about his parental failure - or we can move on and fix the problem.To fix it, the first step is for you to own the problem - if you wait for your father to wake up to the reality, you would wait until your hair turns grey; and if you decide that you will find a solution, then your chances of success just increased tremendously.I think you would take the latter.Now, since the timespan on that “learning” was extensive, your recovery will be more than a day, but each day you have to make a point to be assertive - even if your voice shakes, you have to stand up for yourself.Even if the outcome is negative, you need to chart the boundaries that others are not to cross and thus cultivate respect towards yourself: teaching others how you are to be treated.It will take time. You will have setbacks, yet do not lose sight of the goal, and proceed to it every day. Even if it’s a small step, you still do it - train your brain to be assertive and train your body to stand up a little taller and stand your ground.People will not like it - if you had not been assertive before, you are risking losing your current environment, including friends (well, they weren’t meant to be around the true you anyway); so you will get a chance to pick a new set of friends and perhaps even a new environment (if you are working, for example). You will face lots of changes - but this is how you will transform yourself.And asking this question means that you’re ready for this transformation.
How do I overcome my childhood trauma of being physically abused by my non-mother?
Here are 4 steps for healing childhood emotional trauma and break free of negative emotions…1. Embrace negative emotionsAny emotional upset you experience in the present is, in fact, just the echo of a traumatic memory. It’s a trigger from a prior wound that needs your attention.This emotional upset (trigger) helps you see the wounds that you have tried to suppress. It’s like a messenger carrying the echo of something important.Since triggers hurt so badly you may find it difficult to accept them as beneficial instead of detrimental.Using a metaphor, you’re living your life escaping from a tornado. Don’t escape it anymore. Run into it, embrace your negative emotions. They are just a messenger.2. Be fully present with your emotionsBe with your emotions regardless if they feel bad or good. Don’t escape from them.Allow them to fully express. Understand that there’s nothing wrong with negative emotions.Validate your emotions, learn from them, hear what they want you to hear, see what they want you to see. Completely be with how you feel.3. Invite memories to surfaceNow is the moment to go back in time.While you fully experience your feelings ask yourself: “When was the last time I felt this sensation?” and then “when was the time before?”.Continue the process and try to go back to the first time you experienced those feelings.See and experience memories that come up from your unconscious.Experience what your feelings want you to see, hear, feel.4. Inner child workOnce you are in your unconscious memories, mentally alter the memory in a way that feels emotionally positive. This procedure is called inner child work.For example, in your memory you were a child, you did something on your own and you felt a sense of accomplishment.Your father discarded it and made it again because he could do it better than you. You felt worthless.Now reframe the experience in a way that you’d like it to happen today. Send all the good feelings inside of you to everyone in that memory.Imagine your adult self approaching the child and enable the child to feel better. You may imagine a person explain the entire situation objectively to the child and help him not take the experience personally.Learn more: 4 Steps For Healing Childhood Emotional Trauma And Regain Control Of Your Life | Fabrizio Fusco
What advice would you give to an adult child of a narcissistic mother to overcome her influence?
To overcome the influence, you have to weaken the instinctive, biological bonds that exist between a parent and a child. In normal circumstances these bands are constructive and healthy. With a narcissistic parent they serve to limit and harm. To do this I’ve found it’s useful to keep the following things in mind.I would first accept, or make steps towards accepting that the usual healthful dynamics between parent and offspring are never going to exist. Most of the pain I see concerns victims understandably hoping that one day everything is going to change and their parent will default and reset to a normal adult. The biggest stumbling block is this futile hope. It’s based on an argument of incredulity. ‘How could a real parent be like this?’ I feel that the sooner you accept that his is not going to happen can enable you to make real and substantial steps towards recovery.Likewise railing against and complaining about the selfishness, because what marks out a good parent is their selflessness.It’s useful to try to understand that the treatment you’re getting is not vindictive. It’s not deliberately aimed at you personally. It’s not personal. You were unlucky enough to be born to this parent. It would have happened to any other child born of the same parent.I do not in any circumstances condone unconditional forgiveness, either. This might sound appealing (especially to certain religiously inclined individuals) but this achieves nothing except further enabling the narcissist’s behaviour. But I would try to understand the narcissist him or herself is often a victim of some unfortunate events in their early life.So I would aim for acceptance of the parent as he or she is, a faulty human being, acceptance of the fact that it’s not going to change. Acceptance of the fact that it’s not personal. Keep a safe and healthy distance. Watch your back, and arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can about the disorder. Focus on the fact you deserve to be happy.
How can we stop child abuse in India?
To tackle Child Abuse, the first step according to me is to spread awareness. We could - Learn about it, minimize opportunity, talk openly to your child and get involved.Enable parents to nurture a happy, sensitive and responsible child. Create awareness and a thorough understanding of the role one plays in a child’s life and encourage relevant skills to enhance and improve relationships.Provide platforms and avenues for adults to interact, contribute and share towards the development of a happy child.I work with a company that cares about your health, happiness and life. We have an event coming up on the 22nd of September, 2015 that will talk about "Child Safety in Schools". You could participate in the event by going to - bit.ly/ChildSafetyInSchools
Does anyone know how to control an abusive child?
You are being abused by your child, and its not a joke. I would suggest therapy, but it seems like you might have already been down that road. You might also try to send him to 'boot camp' for kids or maybe even to military school where there will be no way he can act out like that without incurring some severe punishment. The last recourse, if therapy and boot camp are ineffectual, is to take police action when he attacks you again. Call the police, allow him to be arrested, and placed in a juvenile holding center (if he's old enough). This serves two purposes: 1) It may give your child a wake up call that this is how it is in the real world when someone assaults someone else, and may help him be more receptive to therapy, over against jail. 2) It keeps you safe. You can't be waiting for the next time your child decides he doesn't want to do his work, and hits you in the head with the family heirloom.
At what point do you stop supporting your children financially? If your child is in big debt and he/she is about to declare bankrupt, should you unwind your 401K and help him/her out?
Absolutely do not touch your 401K. You would have severe financial penalties and taxes to pay, taking probably half of your withdrawal. Besides, that is for your retirement not for your irresponsible child. Somewhere in your parenting you have not taught or the child has not learned how to be financially responsible. Bailing them out will not change that. If the person is an adult, now is the time to stop supporting your child financially. Filing bankruptcy may help them start over. Help them to learn how to support themselves. Help them get financial advice if you cannot give it. Some simple rules are save 10% of what you make first. Then only spend on necessities. Cut up all credit cards except one. Tell them to only charge what they can pay off each month so that they carry no balances forward. Did they not acquire any trade skills or employable skills via post high school education? If not, they need to start thinking about that and how they are going to acquire more education and skills. They have 60 years of life expectancy left. How are they going to spend that time? If they are skilled in xcel spreadsheets they can put their check register on a spreadsheet and list all their payments and income for a year with a running balance, with columns for book and book balance and columns for bank and bank balance. A negative balance will indicate they are spending too much or not earning enough and take steps to remedy that. If no computer skills or computer they can buy a pad of 13 column accounting paper and do it by hand. There is no excuse for being financially irresponsible. Tell them to not be led astray by easy credit. There comes a time when one has to pay the piper. They can make it hard on themselves or do the best they can. They can wind up homeless or successful. It is up to them. You can’t do it for them. You can only help them and bailing them out is not helping them.