What happens when a narcissist experiences a narcissistic injury by a source of supply?
This all depends on what type of narcissist you’re talking about. I have dealt with various types of narcissists and read a great deal about them. Here is my personal opinion:Malignant Narcissists: These people essentially have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) coupled with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). If robbed of their Narcissistic Supply (NS), they can be prone to taking revenge on you. They will run smear campaigns against you and make you wish you’d never cut them off. Malignant narcissists are also more risk-taking than others and are the most prone to violence. Thankfully, these narcissists represent the smallest group of the lot.Covert Narcissists: These are the most common narcissists. They wear a mask that hides their true self, which is self-loathing and has low self-confidence. They need YOU to provide that for them. When cut off from NS, covert narcissists will typically try to “win you back.” They will kill you with kindness, and if you take the bait, they will probably gaslight you for cutting them off their NS. They will shame you and tell you what a bad person you are, and then you will likely end up apologizing to them. They have bad, bad victim mentalities. If you go No Contact and hold your ground, covert narcissists will experience a range of emotions: they’ll become depressed, anxious, jealous or angry (or some mixture of these). But their response is to usually sulk and take their ball and go home. They have nasty revenge fantasies, but covert narcissists are not typically risk-takers and will likely not make a move against you for fear of how you will react, now that you’ve shown them you’re willing to stand up to them. They are quite cowardly.Overt Narcissists: These deluded individuals are the very best at everything — just ask them. They are smarter, better looking, more worldly and will flaunt their achievements without a shred of modesty. Overt narcissists can react differently, depending on the person. More introverted overt narcissists, when cut off from their supply, may not even notice because they’re so self-obsessed. Others will become angry and try to humiliate you in front of others.
After a narcissist has abused you, and you tell them how upset you are, how do they typically respond?
Their initial salvo will be to gaslight you with accusations of craziness, over-sensitivity, paranoia, imagining things etc. They might mash this up with some light stonewalling.If the above is unsuccessful they will play the reverse pity card and claim YOU have offended and hurt THEM with your baseless allegations (even if you have written or tangible proof).Assuming you hold the line at this point, they will then dish out the silent treatment. This is not a discard, it is simply a game of chicken. What they want is your total, passive compliance to their will so they can both use you and despise you for it. This phase can last for days or months. It also might turn into a discard if they think you aren't worth the bother and you keep the shields up. Which would be a lucky escape - for you.Once it is established you aren't for turning this time, they whip out the big guns. Or should I say the big hoover. If you have a particular utility to them, that is. The fevered apologies. How much you mean to them. How much you have been through together. What a vile, irredeemable heel they are in comparison with your sainted gloriousness.It is difficult and heart-rending but here you must stand firm like Gandalf and boom, 'You shall NOT pass!!!' Never. Not a word that comes out of their lying mouths is genuine.And this is when the mask comes off, they dredge up the most despicably hurtful things they can think of saying to you and so reveal WHAT they are. Really they're doing you a favour in dispelling any lingering doubts you had about their character. Ctrl+alt+delete.Had I not buckled at the silent treatment stage the first time around the grim carousel, I would have saved myself a further two years of tormented unhappiness. But next time, he got the full Gandalf :)PS. They love to hoover at holiday times when people are feeling generous and full of goodwill. Beware, beware, beware…
How do you treat a true narcissist during divorce?
seriously i hate my ex wife for the mess she made and the abuse she lowered on me and my children before i finally had enough and kicked her out. now she's totally forgotten us like most narcissists like we don't exist. what is the best way to treat a narcissist? ignore them totally even if i see her around town? should i show no anger and no emotion? they say narcissists thrive on any emotion you give them like i know i hate her but if i show it she'll feel special even for being hated like she's all powerful to get that type of emotion out of me. any therapist care to take a stab at this?