Which Guy Is Better Looking

Do I have to worry about my girl meeting a better looking guy?

Do you have to worry about dying someday? Because you will, you know. It’s inevitable.Same thing with your girl meeting a better-looking guy. I don’t care if you’re a supermodel Olympic athlete with perfect teeth, your girl WILL meet a better-looking guy. There is always a better-looking guy. And “better looking” is totally subjective. It’s even subjective within a person’s own mind. One day you think big full lips are hot, the next day you’re all “I’m totally over big full lips.”There is also the fact that your looks are going to change. Maybe for the better—some people look better as they get older, certainly moving from the teen years (which are often goofy-looking) into a more adult body. But eventually, you’re going to stop looking better. You’re going to start looking worse. If you’re still with your girl by that time, she’s going to meet better-looking guys more and more often.So should you worry? No, of course not. If you obsess over that, you’re likely to drive her away with your craziness. What you do is, you focus on being a good partner to her. You communicate, you listen, you compromise, you grow together, you treat her as an equal, and you just love her as much as you possibly can.Looks aren’t everything. After awhile, they aren’t anywhere near the top of the list.My wife and I are grandparents now. I was slender and had longish, full hair when we met. Now I’m mostly bald and I haven’t been slender for a loooong time. Just today we set goals for our health because we’ve been eating too much fried food and carbs lately. She aims to lose 2kg. I aim to lose 7kg. She says, “You don’t have to lose 7! Maybe 5. I don’t want you to be too thin…that would be weird.”She meets better-looking guys than I all the time. And hey, I teach university. I am constantly surrounded by tons of seriously good-looking college students. But she’s got nothing to worry about from me, and I’ve got nothing to worry about from her. We’ve been together 22 years and don’t want anybody but each other.To me, she’s the most beautiful woman in the universe. Objectively, I know in a way that that’s not true. But beauty is not objective. It’s subjective, and if she’s the most beautiful woman in the universe to me, then she is.So stop worrying about such silly stuff and work on showing your girl that you’re the one she’s going to want to stick with, no matter what anyone looks like.

How does it feel to date a guy who's way better looking than yourself?

Demoralizing! In most of my relationships I have been the more attractive one or on equal footing with my partner. On two occasions I did date men who were Prince Charming, “soap opera” hot. I’m still not sure why they picked me at the time.This was my experience in both cases:Women would flirt with him right in front of me. Like I wasn’t even there. At parties, in the checkout line, in the queue at a theme park. There was nothing I could do or say without looking crazy and insecure. There’s a scene in the book Twilight where Bella and Edward are on a date and the waitress sizes up Bella and then proceeds to hit on Edward throughout their meal. Sorry to use this lame book as an example, but I relate to that scene.It was impossible not to notice other people’s confusion, and it stung. We’d walk into a room. They’d look at him. They’d look at me. They’d look at him. They’d try to do the math, and I could read the whole process on their face. If a man is with a prettier woman, people assume he’s funny or rich. When the inverse occurs, people don’t know what’s going on!Even friends would ask probing questions that betrayed their true feelings of bewilderment. “How did you meet him?” “Why was he single?” “I’m impressed that a guy like him wouldn’t just date models. He must be a really good guy.” “Wow, you must really trust him.” Women can be jealous and want to put you in your place by letting you know how good you’ve got it.I occasionally wondered if I was an experiment or a test of his character.I felt like I had no power in the relationship. If we had a fight, there were a million girls happy to replace me.I felt like I had to constantly be on my game. No leaving the house without makeup. No gaining 5 pounds.These guys weren’t talented or generous in bed. They never had to be.I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. When it didn’t, I yanked it off and threw it. I broke up with both guys to head off what I felt was inevitable heartbreak.Maybe the problem was my own vanity, but dating a much hotter guy made me unhappy. I would rather have parity in a relationship.