Why do people sometimes push people who actually care and love them away?
Funny that I just woke up and had this on my mind as I was reflecting on my life after looking at some old pictures thinking about all the love in my life I've rejected.At 36 years old I think it's because I couldn't handle it. I don't even know how to love or exactly what love is. I know passion, romance, skills in love making and getting close to someone on a very personal level…but love is an entirely different thing.Once I notice someone loves me I start to pull away and withdraw. That initial passion is replaced by a fear of vulnerability within them and myself. I feel like things become out on my control. I test people to see what they'll go through and question whether they truly love me…I see so many women fall for the “wrong guys” I wondered if I'm just some anonymous bad guy they’re falling for…the cheating, the “betrayal”, verbal abuse, only seemed to make them more determined to love me…odd.I've heard these statements what feels like a hundred times..“Why not Me? Why am I not good enough?”“Why don't you CHOOSE Me?”“Why do I LOVE YOU and HATE so much!”“Why do I let you treat me this way, I hate myself for it.”“I feel so stupid being with you, maybe I'm just an idiot or delusional!”“Why do you push me away? We could be so happy together”“I know you love me, it doesn't matter what you do I know you truly love me”I could go on all day.I've wasted a lot of time doing things that didn't make me happy, do you think i wouldn't change it i could? Didn't even realize I had a problem, I just thought I loved women.Things are changing me now that in my mind 30′s and had my son. My son is revealing to me all my inadequacies because I realized it wasn't just romantic love I have a problem with but a deep love in general…something that makes me vulnerable and lose control.So, why do or did I push people away who love or cared for me? It's the only thing I knew how to do.After all, how did they ever fall in love with a guy like me anyway, why didn't they choose a guy who would treat them well and love them back? That's a question I asked myself many times with many women…why Me? Is it because i won't give them what they want? Is it their ego? Or is it truly “love”?
Why do individuals often attempt to see how far they can push their significant other before causing them to reach their breaking point?
Cruelty. Treating people as things. Angry people are easier to manipulate.Basically, it’s showing human beings at their worst when it is deliberate.Sometimes, though, it is useful to figure out if that sort of behavior is really a manipulative game or not.Ferisntance, I HATE HATEY HATE HATE the way my husband sweeps the floor. He does it one-handed with the dustpan in the other hand. It makes me ITCH and I hate watching that.I think any sane person would agree that this is a trivial issue, yes? That the liklihood of him sweeping AT me is kind of silly in an otherwise good relationship. My emotional reaction to that is not proof in any way of his malfeasance, right? Since the relationship is otherwise good, and he’s considerate of my feelings, it is unlikely he has a nefarious plan to drive me out of my mind by sweeping the kitchen floor.Before slapping an evil label on someone just because you have a strong emotional reaction, it’s probably a good idea to examine things.This is not in any way to try to assert that people don’t push buttons or don’t push them on purpose. There are people that totally do that. I merely want to caution against reasoning that because an emotional reaction is strong that someone else was doing something wrong.
Why do narcissists test you?
They will test you all the time, and normally this testing is so undercover you do not even know it is a test. The reason that they test you is to find out all about you and where you stand on going along with the narc’s wishes. So, they are finding out about how much control they can exercise upon yourself.Here are a few examples:-They will disrespect someone to you - they will be looking to see how much they can influence you to agree with their view on this person that the are disrespecting. Also they often look for additional information about the person the are talking about.They will become interested in a subject that you are interested in, but make a false statement about it - they will be looking to see if you agree with there statement or whether you argue back. They are looking to see how compliant you are to their will.They will tell you secrets about other people, they are looking to see how much you are willing to open up about your own secrets, and as an aside they are looking to see how trustworthy you are.There will be a few odd interests that the narcissist may have cultivated to a spectacular knowledge of the subject. I can remember one example being astrology, they will be looking at how much they can get you to be interested in that subject, especially if you previously had no interest.All of the above are tests of one sort or another, though not obvious that they are tests. The narcissist has to know his/her victim inside out. This allows them to be confident on who they can manipulate easily, and who they cannot. Shows them also the correct buttons that they can push and gives them ammunition for the future.
A DISGUSTING, SICK HUSBAND?
Dee he isn't warped. Its just pushing your buttons to see how far he can push you. Happens a lot in relationships. He wants to see how far he can take it before you get upset. The *** play though is a different matter. You don't like it, he does. Youre gonna have to sit down and have an adult conversation with him and let him know its off limits. As far as the scabs thing is concerned it sounds to me like hes letting out his childlike thoughts with you. You know, the kind of things you think as a kid. What do scabs taste like etc. That takes a lot of trust to feel that comfortable to talk that way. What you need to do in all cases is have a grown up talk where you dont get annoyed so quick and he doesn't treat it like a joke. Be sincere and good luck.
Can pushing a person to their emotional limit help you see the true them?
Pushing a person's buttons for awhile may help you understand how they manage under high stress. It may help you determine what kind of gut reactions they have, what defense mechanisms they have, how they will behave, etc, but that is very, very different from pushing them to the point of breaking.Nobody handles well being pushed to their limit. Everyone has a different limit, and that limit will change depending on how much other stuff they are dealing with. Because you can't know for sure everything else they are dealing with, you will not be able to judge fairly whether that is their true limit or not. It is not either your place to judge them for being able or not being able to handle situations at any given moment.In relationships where people know each other well, they need to develop the maturity and self-control to know when to back off. People need their space. They need time to think, time to process their emotions, time to calm down, room to breathe. Not respecting that space is an unfair and cruel way of dealing with anyone.If you are unable to control yourself and the other person is also unable to do so, and it escalates, then you will both do this same unfair and terrible thing to the other. While it can be overcome, people take a long time to heal, and may never fully get over, this kind of breaking point.If you push someone to their limit deliberately, when you can see how hard they're taking it, and you hold back your compassion out of stupid curiosity, all you will get is a broken relationship, broken trust, and bad blood. You will lose them, to some extent, if not completely.
Parenting, me and my husband dont agree?
Tantrums are normal part of child development. However, the message to discipline the child is to be consistent both from you and your husband. What you may need to do with your husband is to tell him that you both need to have the same focus on your son's discipline. Otherwise the boy will not respect either of your authority. One minute his father is letting him get away with his actions. Whilst you are controlling the situation. So whatever, your husband's actions do undermine your authority, making it nearly impossible for you in the future to discipline him. Definitely listen to your husband's opinion about discipline but also try to understand why he is so relaxed about it. He may have a valid reason and thinks that his way to discipline your son is the better way. You will have to find a middle ground somewhere. Sometimes we just need to understand from their point of view as they cannot fully express themselves. There are useful information to understand and how to deal with other similar situations
If God is not supposed to be tested, then why was Gideon allowed to test God?
Jesus tested God in the Garden of Gethesame when he prayed that the "cup would pass away from him" but ultimately he agreed that "thine will is mine will" and allowed himself to be crucified. If you read the passages carefully and draw the analogy to Jesus Christ in the New Testament, you will see many striking similarities - as if Gideon foreshadowed the crucifixation and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
If I pushed a man away, and he comes back, does it mean he is mine and he really likes me?
I'll go on and answer your question. If he comes back, it could mean the following:He still likes you and wants a chance with you. He doesn't want to accept that such a pretty and nice person will go and be with someone else and not him. He wants to do the chase till he gets his prize(YOU).He knows the old trick in the book. He knows you're testing him. He knows when he insists on coming back, his chances of getting the cookie are higher. He knows he wouldn't last long with a manipulator. So he knows he's gotta win you, hit the cookie and leave as fast as he can, never to look back.He is desperate. At least he got your attention this far, and since no other girl is Willing to be with him, he will soar around and come back. Just to try his luck. Everyone has a girlfriend, so why go through the trouble of trying to find someone new? Time is precious.He doesn't respect your decision. He knows girls do not have a say, only men do. He believes if he wants you, he gets you no matter what you want.The above points all depend on how he relates with you. It is your task to pick them and relate them to the kind of person he is.Good Luck.