My friend keeps lying to me what should I do?
you cant. lying has become a fun game to him. he is the winner and the hero when he lies and makes you believe, if even for only a second. your outlook is completely opposite to him, and the more upset you get, the better he will like it. tell him you are tired of being lied to and being played for a sucker, and that you cant hang out with him any more, because he makes you feel bad all the time lying to you and laughing behind your back. i mean it. lose him, permanently. he will only bring trouble to himself and you and all of your shared friends. find some decent friends who dont feel that they can get a kick out of lying to you.
I have friends who call me only when they need something. Is it a good idea to stop seeing all of them?
Calling you when they need something can be a sign of immense trust and friendship - or it can be a sign of abuse. It all depends on what they want, how they ask for it and on how they treat you before, during and after your giving of it.I can't tell from your brief outline which of these situations you are in, so you must decide.If you feel that others are taking advantage of you, you need to learn to set boundaries. Stop saying yes to everything. It starts with respecting your own boundaries first. Respect your time and energy and others will follow suit. In this by kind but firm - treat others the way you want to be treated. If it feels difficult to set a boundary, try this for your step 1: say 'Thank you for your offer to help. I'll think about it and get back to you.' If they are serious, they will call again. If they are not, or have found a way forward without your help, they will not and things will be fine. If they call back, you can then decide if you have the time and energy.If you believe people are making you responsible for their success in life, I would step back. It will cost you valuable friendships if you allow others to make you accountable for their lives. On the other hand, if this is the situation, then you must also consider that you are accountable - in other words you have been allowing them to make you accountable. So say no, and ask 'so what will you do?'. Leave the accountability with them. Unless your friends are being abusive, I would not break contact off however. Everyone goes through phases where they need support. Even you - maybe not now, but later on in your life. Cutting people off for being humans will lead to isolation and loneliness. Knowing how to recognise genuine needs and stepping in to help is a great quality. But, by the same token, knowing when to step out and empower your friends to find their own solutions, is an immensely powerful skill to cultivate aswell.It is not a question of choosing to do one of these and only ever that one. It is more a matter of knowing how and when to do them
If you don't tell someone something they didn't ask about, are you lying?
Thanks Elijah for asking a good question that is confronted every now and then in our societies. We must consider religiously, morally, rationally and legally. After these considerations, answer to above question will be clear.If the information being withheld is not verified/verifiable immediately, its withholding should not be considered as lying or doing wrong. This is the basics of religious perspective.If the information being withheld is going to damage societal norms, it is better not to divulge it and instead an allusion can be made to it without going into much details. This is going to be morally correct action.If the information being withheld is found against rationality, then it may considered as lying or suppressing useful information without taking other consequences into considerations.If the information withheld is important from legal point of view, then its suppressing would be treated as lying and going against the principles of justice. In no case, the specific information be suppressed or withheld.THUS, WITHHOLDING INFORMATION HAS TO BE CONSIDERED ON CASE TO CASE BASIS TO ASCERTAIN WHETHER IT WAS A HARMLESS STEP OR A DAMAGING ACT.Hope this clarifies.
Are my friends lying when they say I’m not ugly?
I’m a 5’4 female with a pretty rectangular body shape and little curves. Often I find myself expressing how much I hate my appearance, to which my friends and girlfriend respond with “you’re not ugly” but I don’t know how honest they are when they say that and here’s why: Outside of the times I call myself ugly, I am never called pretty or complemented on my appearance. As well as no one ever seems to like my outside of my personality, and my girlfriend has even said “I love your body because it’s yours, I love your looks because it’s you” after she told me she prefers curvy women with larger bust and butts. I also have never really had people have crushes on me, compared to my girlfriend who has had 30+ people like her, I’ve only had three two of which were close friends. Are people lying when they say I’m not ugly?
Reasons why people lie?
I agree with j, but I would add: 1. They don't want to hurt the person they are lying to with the truth. A "white lie." 2. They don't want to deal with the consequences of their actions. 3. They are pathological liars (They are simply in the 'habit' of lying. The habit comes, normally, from 2 or 4.) 4. They want themselves to look better. similar to 2, but they don't want to deal with the consequences of not acting, or failing to act. 5. They want to hurt the person they're lying to. Make them believe something horrible. 6. They want to ridicule the person they're lying to. They lie to the victim, show their friends the victim believed them, and laugh about it.
Why do some people tell lies or try to deceive even when they know that they will eventually get caught?
The same reason people watch horror movies for, even when they know they're scared easily. It's the same condition with liars too. They are, as rightly pointed out by Rahul Raj, compulsive liars. A habit of lying and cheating, is what they suffer from.Although, there can be one more reason too. They might feel excited or thrilled by the idea of hiding something. The chase and fear of getting caught might hold some adventurous value to an individual. Maybe that's the reason.Or, maybe some are just plain stupid. They can't think it through well and end up lying shoddily.
Why do liars get upset when you accuse them of lying?
The compulsive liars that have been in my life, ex-husband, family and friends honestly when they have been doing it for most of their lives I don’t think they knew what was real in the first place.When somebody is a chronic liar and finds it necessary for their survival to live in delusion they also have the delusion that people associated with them are to be coaxed into their way of thinking.The liars existence and inflated, false sense of identity is wholly reliant upon others being manipulated into perceiving them within a false picture.That is hard work to maintain let alone protect against the odd straggler who chose to look at the picture how it is and not according to the liars version.Any real version that comes along is immediately squashed. They don’t want you questioning or taking your queries to other people. It means the beginning of the end.Not that they would hang around and face the music but it would mean they would disappear and have to start again somewhere else. Choices - keep control or loose it to some, they think, nosy bastard who cannot keep their mouth shut.I think finding out about a lie should be weighed against whether they do it most of the time, instead of loosing it over a particular incident. Compulsive liars do see the world differently. It has all sorts of ingredients and events that are not real and were not going to happen. Their grasp of reality is small if at all.But their panic is real. Why they think they need to lie is real. And why they think they need to hang on doing the same wrong thing is real. But to others the panic is paranoia over delusion. If we are not responsible for the person involved I think we need to seriously think about how to approach a compulsive liar. Maybe going around them first would get more answers.
As a police officer, can you tell when someone is lying?
Often, but not in the way you might think.The job sort of makes you a student of human nature, and you also learn strategies that help you be a better interviewer, and there are classes you can take.Mostly, it’s just experience. You learn a few key strategies like:Asking a lot of questions you already know the answer to.Asking very few questions you don’t know the answer to, but would really like to know. A couple of ways to do this are—Implying you already know the answer and just need to hear it from your interviewee.Acting like you don’t really care about the answer that you really care the most about.You can shortcut this as needed. I often come out and tell someone “I already know the answers to most of what I’m asking you,” or “we’re going to find out what happened because we’re talking to everyone involved.”So, in answer to your question, there’s no secret or magic in being a cop that helps you to spot deception. It’s a process you learn and practice, because people lie to cops (shocking). Anyone can learn and use the techniques we use, but we get a lot of practice by virtue of our jobs.What we look for are provable falsehoods (things we know to be a lie because we have proof or strong evidence of the truth), and people contradicting prior statements. This last point reminds me of a story that I related here:Miles Gordon's answer to What's the funniest thing you've seen or heard from a suspect?The sex crime detectives used to keep a whiteboard in their squad room with the most notable statement made by a suspect. A statement would stay on the board until a better one came along. The statement that stayed around the longest:This would be a whole lot easier if you’d just let me stick to my first story
Why does my friend hit me?
Say, "Stop! You're hurting me! I'm seriously not playing. I'm not a sack of potatoes!" If she doesn't stop, I'd sock her in the arm. People know to not hurt me because they will get hurt twice as hard back. Tell her, "An eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth." Then punch her twice as hard. If she hit you 4 times hard, hit her 8 times really hard.
When you confront a cheater about lying, why do they say "because I didn't want to hurt you"?
There’s an interesting truth about lying: we lie to ourselves FIRST.There are other common lines in a confrontation, such as “Well, of course I did, because you weren’t giving me x/y/z” that delve into projection and defensiveness, but I am only speaking to the “I didn’t want to hurt you” line. Here’s my take on it, helped along by various studies and articles along the way. Now, I’ve never cheated in a relationship, but I have lived (briefly) with cheaters, and I’ve heard those excuses. Which leads me to this answer.We all cheat. Most of us cheat only in little ways, because we want to believe we’re good people, so we only cheat in little things to lie, and live with ourselves. That’s key, right? We want to live with ourselves. We want to believe we’re good people.But we also get tempted. We want things. We want to cut loose, let go, try that tasty dessert even though we’re on a diet, we want to sleep with that sexy chick or guy because darn it, my boy/girlfriend hasn’t had sex with me in a month and I have needs too!So we cheat, because who will know, other than yourself? And we’ll make it better later! We eat that dessert and say tomorrow we’ll double down on the diet! We kiss/suck/fuck the sexy person and bring home flowers for the honey. Make a special effort the next birthday.Then, someone finds out about the cheating. So what do you do, faced with recriminations, with someone who is now crying, angry, hurt, all these things? Asking you how you could do this?You protect yourself. Your own self-image.“I didn’t want to hurt YOU.”Ah, dear reader. You notice that’s not really rationale. That’s excuse. But the point is that it’s not their excuse for you, it’s their excuse for themselves. It protects them, explains why they never admitted anything to you (either the factors leading up to the cheating, and/or the actual cheating, and/or never admitting to it).Being confronted with being the worst of themselves, they scramble to reframe it, to become the best. They’ve identified themselves once again as being morally in the clear, if not actually in the right.