Why is my daughter so quiet, introverted?
My daughter is 17, and she's always been extremely shy and quiet. when she comes home from school, all she wants to do is lay on the sofa with her earphones in, reading a book. She does the same thing when we're in the car. We were driving a far way for a college visit, and she kept her headphones in for the entire ride. She was also extremely shy about meeting the representatives of the college and asking questions. We went on vacation a few months ago, and she packed her suit case full of books and hardly packed enough clothes. And all she wanted to do was lay on the beach and read books. We tried taking away her books and earphones to try to get her to interact with us, but she wouldn't even talk to us. She just sat on the beach with her knees to her chest, looking at the ocean. What are we supposed to do? She only has one friend who is as shy and quiet as she is. She is also scared stiff by boys (I've noticed her staring and blushing at boys, but never talking). She's going to college next year and I'm very worried.
Does it make you racist if you don't want your daughter to come home with a non-white person?
Well, what’s racism? Give me a definition for this and we should be able to easily wrap up the answer here. This is all about the definitions.In lieu of your providing a definition, l’ll provide my own. Racism is a belief that, because someone is of a particular race, they hold some characteristic (or is more likely to)—and typically a positive or negative attribute that is not based in clear fact. (A person of a particular race might be more likely to have some genetic condition, but if that's well backed up in evidence, then we generally wouldn't call that racist. It's all about definitions of course.)Often, when a parent doesn't want their white daughter to date a non-white man, it's because they don't feel a non-white person will fit in, be as kind, be as smart, etc. Those are all obviously racist reasons.Suppose though that you would, all else being equal, prefer your white daughter to not date a black man because you are fully aware that racism is a big problem for black people. You are aware of your own white privilege. You understand that interracial relationships face additional challenges and you want your daughter (and her children) to have an easier life.Under the earlier definition, this is not racism. It is perhaps an overreaction and maybe even selfish (someone's gotta have interracial marriages or the stigma won't change), but you're not assuming anything bad about the partner. You just want your daughter to have less stress in her life.Many people, if they were willing to be totally honest, would prefer this—all else being equal, of course. Few people wouldn't pluck out a bit of extra stress from their kids’ lives. Say whatever you want about parents who want to give their children idyllic lives (it's a bad idea in certain ways), but doing so is unrelated to racism.Now, if you define racism as any change in thoughts or behavior towards someone as a result of their race, then it would be racist by this definition.It's really quite a simple and boring question once you get your terms defined. The question is ultimately reduced to how you define racism.
Soon to be 15 year old daughter loses her virginity.......HELP!!!!?
Never been there myself, but you are doing right. Parents need to teach their kids the values and ethics of the family. Now it's obvious she didn't view her virginity as something special. Tell her that her virginity wasn't something to get rid of or something that isn't important. It is. That's why guys are always trying to take it from girls. There is intrinsic value. Tell her that sex is a powerful thing. It has the power to give life(baby). It has the power to take it away(AIDS). If you're not willing to sacrifice yourself to one of these then don't do it. Make him wait. Tell her there are no shortage of unwed teenage moms around the world who regret what they did. I bet every single one of them thought, "I won't get pregnant." If that don't work to keep her from having sex, show her a video on child birth. I bet her seeing where babies come from and the labor involved will open her eyes to reality.
How do I get over the fact that my boyfriend told his parents we had sex?
It seems like the problem here is not just the fact that your boyfriend told his parents such an intimate aspect of your relationship, but also that your relationship with your own mother isn't the best. So it's understandable that you don't understand why your boyfriend would ever say such things to his parents. I agree that it was not right of him to tell his parents this without your permission, but I don't think that this is too serious. The fact that his parents were willing to discuss this and give advice means that they're totally fine with it, and have a deep bond with their son. I doubt that they will judge you or see you differently. In fact, they may trust you a bit more since their son came to them for advice. If your boyfriend and his family don't think it's a big deal, then neither should you. The next time you see his parents, just act normal the way you usually do. If you seem really tense and stressed about it, you'll make a bigger deal of it than is necessary. Parents can be surprisingly forgiving in these kinds of situations. I remember when my super conservative girlfriend's mother saw the hickeys on her neck. I was terrified to go to my girlfriend's house the next day, and paranoid she would confront me about it, but in the end she never brought it up, and it was like it never happened.