What is the number one red flag that people are most likely to overlook before getting into a relationship with a narcissist?
I can only speak for myself. I want to say that the very first red flag was the omission of truthful information. Example being — after we had already started sleeping together, while in general conversation involving my best friend, he must have forgotten and gotten so caught up in his story that he revealed that he was “very close” friends with some other woman that I'd never heard about before. We had known each other for about 6 months at that point. Apparently his daughter was quite attached to this woman and I really had no idea she existed. I, of course, got quite upset because my thought has always been that if you have nothing to hide, then you hide nothing. I guess I was pretty dumb at the time to think that everyone lives a pretty honorable life. He, of course, talked his way around it and suckered me in to the worst mistake of my life.At the end of the day, I have to take responsibility for allowing myself to believe what I WANTED to believe instead of truth.I think that every one of us who have been abused by a narcissist can say the same. We know there's something REALLY wrong from the start, but we convince ourselves that it was just a blip. Everyone makes mistakes, right? We give the narcissist the benefit of the doubt, as we would hope someone would give us for not being perfect.Unfortunately, that's the beginning of the end. The beginning of unimaginable pain.So,my friend, if you catch a feeling of doubt, a gut feeling that tells you that this person is just WRONG, RUN don't walk away!Peace and blessings to you :)
What is the most glaring red flag that you overlooked in a bad relationship?
That he would always get defensive if I even tried to casually look over his shoulder in curiosity at his phone. I never though he would cheat, I just figured it was a normal thing for couples to be able to mess around with the other’s phone (as a side note, we were engaged). His quick readiness to hide his phone contents is what made me suspicious. So by the time I actually got around to asking to look through it for cheating, he would get mad and twist it to make me the bad guy. Always threatening to leave me because “there can be no relationship without trust”. So I ended up apologizing and letting it go. Turned out all along he was cheating, and the moment I had definitive proof, I left and never looked back. It’s ironic, because I had offered to give him an open relationship if he wanted to see other girls. No, no, he said. He only wanted me. Bunch of bologna. The cheating part wasn’t even what made me so angry. It was mentally abusing me and manipulating the situation every time I got close to catching him to make it seem like I was the one in the wrong. It was just so messed up. So now I just don’t date guys who aren’t okay with us looking through each other’s phones. If you got nothing to hide, what’s the big deal.
What red flags in a relationship did you overlook because the sex was good?
Oh god he was a bigggg liar. He would make up stories. He lied about his educational qualification and what not. He was extremely possessive, didnt let me talk to a single guy because of his insecurities. Had 0 % understanding. I finally gathered courage after 6 years to come out of such relationship.I still feel one of reasons for such late action on my part was because he was suchhhhh a treat in bed. He just knew where to touch how to touch. He used to handle me so beautifully in bed as if i were some magic. He used to give me blended orgasms , we were so in sync with each other’s bodies that we would climax at the same time and had multiple orgasms together. He loved oral sex and would spend fair amount of time licking and stroking my clit.So yes physical intimacy plays a vital role in keeping relationships intact.
What are some red flags when you read a book that tell you it is likely to be bad?
I’m going to answer this in regards to fiction, as nonfiction comes in too many varieties and covers too many topics for me to answer it adequately.Even just within fiction, there are many ways that a book can be written well. Some dive straight in, while others burn slowly and gradually pull you in. Some are lean and plot-driven, while others are flowery and meandering. Any of these can be good or bad. But there are some telltale signs that, when I spot them early in a book, portend a less satisfying reading experience. A few I have noticed:Clumsy exposition. If this is going to happen, it’s likely to do so early in a story, and it’s often a bad sign. It can come in a variety of ways: characters telling each other things they should already know, jarring infodumps, etc. If it is unnecessary, unrealistic, and draws attention away from the story, it’s not good.Bad dialogue. Poorly written dialogue is a sign that the writer doesn’t hasn’t fully realized the characters. It can also show up in many ways. It can be a boring, needless exchange between two people. It can be someone monologuing with others around. It can be someone speaking in a way that is grossly inappropriate to their character. Whatever form it takes, it’s a red flag.Unintentionally jarring tonal shifts. I had to think about what to call this. It’s certainly possible to have a tonal shift within a story that works and is done well. But a poorly written story will often have sudden shifts in tone that the writer doesn’t appear to have intended or that make no sense. It’s hard to think of an example because just about any shift can be done in a way that works or that doesn’t, but one I’ve seen a lot is when a strong emotional scene becomes awkwardly comical or cheesy in an unintended way.Bad pacing. A good writer knows when to expand things and where to sum things up. Whether it’s a fight scene that drags or an emotional moment that is glossed over, bad pacing can ruin a story. People usually use the term to describe something that is tediously overlong, but it can go the other way as well. You can also have jarring shifts like the tonal ones described above, but applied to the pace of a story, where the wrong elements are expanded upon or summed up.
What is the biggest red flag in a relationship that is the most easily overlooked?
When he calls you 10 times a day and asks you what you've been doing. He's not attentive. He is possessive.When he wants to know all your friends names and everything about them, especially the male ones. He's not just interested. He's checking out who he thinks needs to go.When he tells you what to wear. He doesn't just want you to look your best. He's trying to control you.When he wants to spend time, just the two of you when he knows you've made plans with friends. He's not going to miss you. He's trying to isolate you.When he drives to your house because you didn't answer his text. He's not worried about you. He's worried that you have other things in your life.So many red flags can be interpreted as love. You can think that he just wants to be with you and he is only obsessed because he adores you.That might be true but proceed with caution.If you see a flash of anger in his eyes or feel flustered when you're answering his questions, pay attention. Pay attention to how you feel in that moment. Don't ignore it. Go with your gut.It could be the start of an abusive relationship and once he has you, he's not going to let you go so easily.Edit. I thought it went without saying that this applies to women as well. Maybe I should have written it gender neutral but I'm a woman and my red flags come from personal experience so that's how I wrote it.
What was the first red flag in your last failed relationship?
We all have a picture of perfect partner in our head…the kind of guy we want in our life..the companion..so we have this ideal partner vs real partner…I met him in most magical way in my life…straight out of a romantic novel or movie..the first red flag..he was perfect..How many times we imagine in our relationship or expected our partner to behave in certain way….he was just out of my imagination..A perfect companion..I neglected this biggest red flag…because I thought oh yesss I met my soulmate…my companion..he is just the way I wanted..But I forgot how nothing is perfect in this world…a person without flaws is not perfect he is fake… He is just putting a layer of perfection to hide the real person…Nothing is perfect in this world..everything has flaws…imperfections makes you unique it makes you real…You only connect with people if you are real….let them see your flaws and scars..let them reach to your soul….