Why Do These Parents Say

Why do so many parents think that they have the right to control their adult children?

The relationship between parents and their children is the only relationship in which you work to end it successfully in 18 or so years. You work to make your children strong so they can leave and have their own lives. And then although you may be close, for all intents and purposes they are no longer an intimate and immediate part of your life. It's like getting married and then separating in 18 years even though you are still deeply in love.I have a 26 year old and an 18 year old. It is bittersweet watching my 18 year old getting ready to leave for school. It's on the other side of the world and she's so optimistic and strong and ready for this. When she goes she will leave a hole in my heart that will remain. Forever after this, if I have raised her right, she will support herself, choose a husband (or not), find her own place to live, work in her chosen career.I want to help her. I want to impart my experience and wisdom and it hurts when she rejects both for her future plans. It's truly my only way to remain connected in the way I am used to and dependent upon. But I have to let her make her own mistakes. I respect her enough to understand she can do it on her own. So I have to wait for her to ask my advice if she cares to. Because she has grown apart from me and this is how life is. I have to turn back to my own life separate from my children's.So there is my slightly off topic answer for you. Parents can't let go of their children. And they might not respect them. And making decisions for their children is a habit built up for 18 years. That's a long time. And sometimes their lives are empty and they need to focus on what they think they can control. And they can sometimes have deep seated beliefs and prejudices to things their children choose or happen to be which are very offensive to them.

Parents, what should I do if my 10 year old says "what the flip" and other euphemisms? Is it natural and appropriate or a gateway to worse language?

When I see questions like this, I always wonder—weren’t these parents ever a kid? Or a teen?? When you used language, as a kid or a teen, where did you pick it up from? It might have been your parents, but I’m guessing it was school or the school bus. But, you learned good things there, too. I learned to sign the ABC’s and I learned to count to 10 in Spanish on the school bus (in a small, rural, very white community). It’s all good.You also have to ask yourself—what is language? Who decides what’s a bad word and why? I used to say “pissed” all the time. I never thought of it as a dirty word, so when I said it in front of my dad he corrected me. I still say it all the time, but now I know… When I was growing up, we also used to say “Tits and nipples this long!” That was when we were excited, but it’s inappropriate (and now sounds really stupid when you say it out loud!).Words change in meaning. Some words are only dirty part of the time. So, George Carlin helped us out with that.NSFW:George also gave a talk on euphemisms which proves that everyone uses euphemisms to soften the use of words that offend people.So, I guess, if you see your kids using euphemisms to cover words they know will offend others, they deserve credit for their consideration of others.Also keep in mind that Mythbusters tested whether or not profanity helped with pain and the results concluded that, indeed, swearing reduces your perception of pain.So, maybe lighten up a little.

Why is it so important for some parents to have “gifted” children? Why do these parents give the weirdest explanations as to why their kids are “gifted”? For example, she said “hi” when she was only 6 months old.

All parents want to see their children in a positive light and find things about their kids that make them proud. This is normal.Unfortunately, many parents feel that their children and their abilities are an extension of themselves or that the abilities of their children are a reflection of themselves as good parents. This is faulty thinking as far as intelligence goes. Some of this behavior is culturally based, fear based, hopeful thinking, or simply competitive parents bragging. That’s where some of these comments, about what their child can do and when they can do it, are coming from.Yes, we can love our kids, teach them manners, how to be a good sport, discipline, and good study habits, which will have an impact on how they are seen by others and how they do in life, but we can not make them any more gifted than when they were born no matter how hard we try. Unfortunately, gifted children can be stunted if not given what they need in life to thrive.Grades and test scores don’t always reflect intelligence. Some kids who study very hard get better grades than gifted kids who dislike certain subjects and can’t make themselves study something that bores them. Some kids work, play sports, volunteer, pursue hobbies, have family obligations. And what about IQ? There are so many variables to think about, that the definition of gifted can be a bit murky.There is so much competition to go to a good college these days, and that competition is now staring in preschools that ask for a portfolio of your child’s work. Many parents may be feeling pressured or even frightened into proving to the world that their child should not be overlooked, so they won’t be left behind. This also leads to these statements about their first word coming early, etc….I live in an area where a lot of intelligent people live, and continually dealt with the majority of any class’s parents thinking their kids were gifted. It was a disservice to the children who were gifted as well as those who weren’t. It was like this from kindergarten all the way through college.If you are interested, I could tell you more about my personal experience and about raising three kids. Two are in college now, one a high school senior. It doesn’t answer your question directly, but is one case study that raises many questions and may answer some.

Why do these parents feel their children shouldn't follow the rules and face the consequences?

The students knew there would be consequences. They willingly suffered those consequences. They were even allowed to choose their punishment. They chose corporal punishment, likely because it would not impact their grades. The parents accepted their children's choice of punishment ("both of which had to be approved by our parents").The mother tweeted:"My kid and two other students walked out of their rural, very conservative, public school for 17 minutes today. They were given two punishment options. They chose corporal punishment. This generation is not playing around."Which I understood as her voicing support for her child's decision. I don't see her complaining that they were punished, or that their actions should not have consequences. However, the parents in question are under no obligation to dissuade a behavioral pattern simply because the school sees fit to take disciplinary action against it.If it were my child, I would have allowed them to suffer the consequences as well. With one of the consequences being that I take them out after school and purchase them anything they want from our local Dairy Queen.One of the students did state their opinion on corporal punishment in general:"I believe that corporal punishment has no place in schools, even if it wasn’t painful to me. The idea that violence should be used against someone who was protesting violence as a means to discipline them is appalling. I hope that this is changed, in Greenbrier, and across the country."However, again, the student didn't claim that they should have suffered no consequences — simply that corporal punishment is a barbaric, nonsensical practice and shouldn't have even been presented to them as an option in the first place.