I believe I try my best to be nice to people, but why do I get scared when people are nice to me?
Hello,I don't know if I have advice relevant to you, but because you asked for my answer, I can just share the answer that works for me.For myself in that kind of situation, I might feel uncomfotable—you say scared, I say nervous, because an expression of kindness appeals to that vulnerable, needy child within, and because I have past trauma involving neglect and extreme unkindess, I emotionally “regress”, or in more current psychology jargon, I am “triggered,” happy for the compliment but re-experiencing all that emotional baggage along with it. I have such an intense PTSD like experience around abuse in the workplace that I literally could not stop crying when a new, better boss gave me a thank you bouquet of flowers.To get through situations like this, just repeat this phrase: “Thank you so much for that! How kind of you to say so, I appreciate it very much.” Then, depending upon the circumstances, offer a return compliment or move on to the topic at hand. I find this a handy and easy solution. Nothing more is required and the other person need not know about your other feelings. It is important to the other person that you graciously accept the compliment, not reject it. With repetition, this strategy will feel easy and natural for you.To really get over this, not just through it, find a therapist or a really good friend or religious counselor to help you process and resolve those feelings. Like pulling on the thread that unravels the sweater, your pulling on one thread of feeling may start the unraveling of a whole sweater, multicolored, multithreaded parts of your past.For example, also relevant to people being nice to me is my INFP tendency toward isolation, preferring my own company and being wary of the obligations of reciprocating when building relationship. This too needs improvement and I am working on it.I hope you found this to be useful food for thought.
I can't trust anyone and I don't like people.?
Hey, so I am 20 years old. I have no friends and nobody really talks to me. I try making conversation with people and put forth an effort to make friends but nobody is interested. I have no social skills and do no trust a single person. I have been stabbed in the back and screwed over so many times that I don't think anyone is a good person anymore. Whenever I discover a trait in someone new (that someone in the past who screwed me over possessed) I don't want anything to do with them because they all end up being the same. I have no self esteem or confidence in myself and it's impossible to build any up if I keep getting reminded of how shitty everyone is every time I come out of my shell to talk to people. I just don't understand anyone and I feel like an alien. I hate big crowds and I fail at engaging in the simplest of communications. One thing that makes the situation worse is that I get my hopes up and expect the world out of each new individual I meet. I refuse to befriend someone who drinks or does drugs because I have witnessed the hurtful and stupid things that can take place while under the influence of them. It seems like every girl cheats these days and if they don't then they can easily be persuaded to when they hang out with guys who try to get them drunk or high. I don't respect guys who take advantage of girls like that either. What do I do, and how do I trust anyone in this world anymore?
Why do I keep losing people from my life even though I try my best to be good to them?
Your love must be missing somewhere. If it is pure probably the people you meet are unable to connect with purity.Focus in your strength and leave the thought of losing them.Cherish your hobby and harnessing the skills and try to be self-motivated. Today people are more with selfish nature as they think more towards material gain and desires keep them in delusion.Everyone has to be to some extent but if you try to be focused on yourself and your work you may experience how the excellence in self works with divine grace.Have faith in self and for that focus is the primary act. The life’s purpose is if we can be useful for others’ wellness but before we act upon we need to discover about our self and so you fall in such age right now.Believe in God and try to love solitude, it helps and remove about others right now.Why don’t you spend more useful time and interaction with your parents and siblings if you have?They can be a good source for keeping occupied.Make sports or gym part of your life where you don’t need a friend but may end up making with similar habits in another hobby. Try to mix with them and learn more about friendship. Don’t make friendship as attachment but merely a time for exchanging mutual thoughts.We all create a specific vibrations around by our nature and where similar vibrations try to attract.There could be clash of vibrations with the present of friends and so are not attracting. You have either to like their way and mix or try to influence your way.When we focus in activity the excellence comes out as a fruit and then we know the power hidden, it is then others acknowledge.If you should reach in such situation be soft and humble and give all the credit to God.When we practice the art we create a power to attract others by shear positive influence.Work and learn dedication and leave the thought of losing friends, time would come when people would crowd you and sing your glory, you have to be keep away from such glory too for continuing the good work which is important.There is no place for lamenting for meager thing.
Why do the good people always have to suffer the most?
Suffering is part of everyone’s life. However, some people make you believe that if you are good, you will never suffer in life. Hence, good people are totally unprepared to suffer as they believe that it is their divine right to lead a good life because they are not doing anything wrong.Only Gautama Buddha told this bitter truth of life. His first sermon after his Enlightenment centered on the Four Noble Truths, which are the foundation of Buddhism. The first Noble Truth is: ‘Life is Suffering (Dukkha)’.Just like every person who is born in this world has to die one day whether he is a saint or a sinner, every person who has a body, mind and soul has to suffer in this world. However, the sufferings is not same for all human beings.Let’s understand this truth by a few more examples.Every one falls sick in his life. When we are sick, we suffer pain. However, if you are keeping healthy lifestyle, you are likely to fall sick less often than one who is careless about it.A healthy lifestyle does not eliminate illness. It reduces it substantially.Let us take another example.Millions of students write examinations every year. Some of them follow the honest means and don’t cheat. Others cheat in the examination to pass the examination.When you find the percentage of the people who pass, you will find that honest people passes more than the cheaters. They have much better chance of selection in the competitive examinations than those who cheat to pass.However, it does not mean that everyone who is honest in the examination is bound to pass and score top marks.There may be some people who may score good marks purely by cheating. However, most cheaters end up failing in examination and in life.Your score in the examination depends not on honesty, but on your knowledge of the subject. Honesty is only a means that help you work hard for the examination and acquire knowledge of the subject. The cheats can’t concentrate on studies and can’t master their subjects.If you don’t know your subject because you have not worked hard before, you can’t take success for granted just because you refuse to cheat in examination.The same is true for good people.If you are just good in life, it is no guarantee to success and happiness. You have to do something positive to succeed in life and achieve happiness. Merely not being dishonest is not enough to lead a good life.