Would you feel like your 33-year-old son failed at life if he barely leaves his home apart from work, never was in a relationship and just wants to be left alone without any social interaction?
Would you feel like your 33-year-old son failed at life if he barely leaves his home apart from work, never was in a relationship and just wants to be left alone without any social interaction?I would be concerned about my grown child if he or she had nothing in life other than work. However, rationally I would know that this would be none of my business since he or she is self-supporting and out of my house.It’s very possible that your son suffers from depression and/or has social anxiety. I don’t know if he deals with people at work. Work may be all he can handle right now. Maybe he has social contacts on social media which is common these days. Maybe he decompresses in his spare time.I would hope that you don’t convey to him that you believe that he has failed in life or disappointed you in any way. If you let him know you’re disappointed, he won’t be helped. He’s not going to say, “Dad wishes I’d get out more. I guess I should make him happy!” He’d probably just want to hibernate all the more. You have to leave him be. I don’t know if he wants any contact with you. Only you know how much he wants to hear from you, if at all.There are key words in your message—” work” and “his home”—give him credit for having a job and a home at 33. Not everyone does.
My son's life is a mess?
I would sent him. I had some trouble with my 15yr son as well, nothing anywhere close to this, but some local issues. He too is very smart and the head honcho in school, but sometimes he makes stupid decisions. In October he got himself into big trouble and I put him on "house arrest" for 6ms. He had to stay in his room except to go to school and lost all privileges. He slowly had to earn them back and is doing wonderfully now. My husband went through one of these camps as a kid and told my son if he ever screwed up again, he was going too. My husband went when he was 16 for getting caught 3 times spray painting on his high school gym wall and breaking into a car (on a dare he claims =]). He went and still to this day RAVES about how much he LOVED IT in the end and how much it taught him. As strong-willed as your son may be, so are 95% of all those kids there and many of those have the goal or trying to get themselves kicked out. The kid down the street who is a year older than my oldest daughter, so I guess around, 18-19yrs went to one of these wilderness/school things for an entire year when he was 15yrs old. He was a MONSTER, constantly getting into trouble and hurting others. He didn't listen to anyone, was constantly back talking. His final move was when he stole the family car, ran through a stop sign and was pulled over by a cop for doing so. They found drugs in the back of the car. His parents are the sweetest people I know and have another son my son's age. He went away for a year and came back completely changed. He had manners, called everyone sir and ma'am, started doing extremely well in school and was someone you could be proud of. I remember the first time he spoke to me when he came back. I went to get the mail and he was sitting on his front lawn across the street and said "Hi Mrs. Rizzionni. How are you?" I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know he knew my name! He finished high school top 30% of his class and went on to college. His parents are happy and so is he. I'm sure you're son will come back a changed person. He's young and they have A LOT of guidance up there, people who don't put up with any crap and know how to break these kids down. I wish you the best of luck with your son.
My son is doing drugs, am I a failure as a parent?
No, your sons decision to experiment with recreational drugs says nothing about your parenting. What you do in knowing that your son is experimenting with drugs is what is important. The truth is a majority of kids experiment - yep, you heard, 81% of teenagers have experimented with illegal drugs at some point. So in a way, recreational drugs are a right of passage for many. Do 81% turn into homeless drug addicts? Of course not. That's because many simply grow out of it - drugs have their downfalls - it’s not all UP UP UP!The important thing to do is to NOT JUDGE - the moment you judge your son, you start to lose him. What is important is that he is being mindful of how he uses drugs, when he uses drugs and that he is being safe. His safety is paramount. Safety is achieved through knowledge. Knowing the risks, knowing how to avoid those risks from occurring.Of course some drugs require more avoidance than others due to their addictive characteristics - methamphetamine, heroin, meow meow, cocaine to name a few.Other drugs, although not without their own risks and downfalls, don't really warrant the negative media hype that we see - marijuana, ecstasy, mushrooms.Did you know that until ecstasy started being used in nightclubs, it was used by doctors for PTSD therapy? The moment it became popular on the streets, it became illegal.My belief is that education is key. Awareness is key. Moderation is key.Be real with your son, don't judge, just show your love and care through education and support…. The chances are, in his own time he will grow bored of them. I know I did, as did all of my friends who are now functioning, responsible members of society.
I feel like a failure because my son didn't get into a top university, despite having excellent grades. What did I do wrong?
I have few introspection questions for you:What does failure mean to you?Did you prepare him with all your abilities and capabilities to create an independent and critical thinker who will utilize all that he has learnt along with the resources around him to maximize his potentials and find his true purpose?Are you a failure?Why do you feel like a failure, is it because of how you are perceived by your peers and wider society that your son did not achieve the false standard set by the status qua?Does your son feel like a failure?Does getting into a top university more a function of you rather your son?I'll briefly tell you my son's story.He graduated top of his class in high school and received tons of scholarship offers to top universities Across the Nation including three ivy league universities.He was living in Florida at a time and all of the top universities are located in the above the southern states of the United States. I wanted him to go to Columbia or Harvard he didn't want to leave Sunny warm Florida he said to me one day “Mom I can make an impact wherever I Go… universities don't have to be that impact on me I can change the frame” He chose a lower tier university in Florida for his bachelor's degree on the most transferable Scholarship in the world and impacted that institution with his academic brilliance and sterling leadership which continued during his master's overseas where he studied at one of the to five ivy league universities in the world. He landed his ideal job in Europe and is now pursuing his PhD all before age 27 years old.He didn't start out attending a top university but he put that lower-tier University on the map with his Sterling performance and his leadership qualities because I molded him to thrive in any situation. Maybe that's what your son needs to do: go through a lower tier University and make his Mark there.My suggestion to you: Release yourself from the shackles of the status quo and the live, int urn your son will live and become his truest self and fulfill his truest purpose.Peace
I feel like a failure because I know I can only handle having one child.?
I have a three year old daughter and am a stay-at-home mom. I've struggled with an eating disorder for twenty years and finally went into treatment a couple of years ago. I struggle with it daily, even though I have improved drastically. I'm the kind of person who can only handle a few things at a time. Being a stay-at-home mom is a full time job for me and it's hard for me to balance being a mom, recovery, taking care of the family, etc. My husband and I have decided to only have one child. I'm OK with this, but I feel like a failure that I can't handle more than one child. I'm afraid that a second child will send me down the eating disorder spiral again. I see other moms with two or more kids and feel inadequate. Any words of advice? Any ideas from parents of only one child? Thanks.