Why are so many family dysfunctional?
So I just started to see a new counselor for family issues. She says that are family is a normal dysfunctional family. what is a normal dysfunctional family? is anybody's family this way?
Why would homeless people's family allow them to be homeless?
A large number of homeless people are mentally ill or brain damaged and their families cannot deal with them any longer. My own father went homeless after being released from prison for pedophelia, having sexually molested me, my step sister, and a child he was babysitting (these are the ones known, there are probably many others). The family could not deal with him any longer. He was brain damaged from repeated concussions from sports and several car accidents. It's hard to know what caused what. Did he drive so crazy and have bad judgment from brain damage, or did he get brain damage from driving fast and poorly? But it released his inhibitions and allowed him to prey on the innocent.Pedophelia was not the only manifestation of brain damage. He was also irrational and quick to anger. He borrowed or stole things from the family. He couldn't keep a job. He pushed the family towards the poorhouse.It was an attempt to stabilize the family that led to my dad being kicked out of the family home. He was likely 30 by then, living with his parents. He had been lovingly called the black sheep until his conviction. After that we just did not talk about him at all. It's as if we were part of the family by adoption rather than birth. The family kept tabs on where he was and gave him some money occasionally. He eventually was employed enough to rent a tiny studio apartment and buy a beat up bicycle. Rather employed long enough in a union job to get unemployment whenever he was laid off. He lived in that apartment over 10 years until he died of an illness rather suddenly. He never did admit to having molested me, only saying that he did not remember. Perhaps that is the brain damage, but I don't know how a person could forget a thing like that.It's painful to have a family member who is homeless. When people ask about your family, you either have to lie or become a victim of their pity. It's kind of horrifying, but the family was being ripped limb from limb while he was present so this is the best alternative. It is a relief that he is no longer around.
What are the causes of conflict among families?
1. parents comparing siblings to each other ex. in school or sports, competition makes them hate each other 2. not getting along, argueing over borrowed stuff/shared space 3. unfair treatment, favoring one kid over the others 4. the dad always coming home late for no good explanation, when he's in town. he's always on business trips. thus, he spends hardly any time with the kids and doesnt know much of what is going on and isnt there for them. 5. yelling between the parents, it scares the kids 6. parents over-reacting to small situations (ex, losing the remote, home 5 minutes past curfew) and getting involved in heated arguements with yelling 7. strict parents, who dont trust their kids not because of something they did but because of stories of "bad teenagers" they have heard of 8. kids sneaking out, doing other bad things such as drugs/alcohol 9. pregnant teen 10. abusive parents, physically or mentally seriously the list could go on forever. problems can occur over basically anything. this is all i could think of in 5 minutes. in more time i could triple this list.
What is the definition of a "Dysfunctional" family?
A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur continually, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal. Dysfunctional families are most often a result of the alcoholism, substance abuse, or other addictions of parents, parents' untreated mental illnesses/defects or personality disorders, or the parents emulating their own dysfunctional parents and dysfunctional family experiences. Above is the definition from the encyclopedia. This tells me that these behaviours are only normal if they happen on occasion. The positive thing is that the cycle can be broken by the next generation.
What are some examples of a dysfunctional family in your perspective?
One example is parents playing head games with their children, such as by teasing them, breaking or withholding the children's favorite toys, withholding basic rights and necessities such as food and clothing, imitating the way their children talk, putting down their children's values and viewpoints, imposing ultimatums or punishments if the children dare to express unique views or preferences, violating the children's privacy by revealing the contents of their diaries, or revealing secrets the children have confided. Another example is when the family member with the most forceful personality gradually cuts off other family members. This could be done by hiding mail from the other family members, discouraging telephone calls, hiding the list of relatives' telephone numbers and addresses, or making a family member feel guilty by giving him the silent treatment for trying to make social contact with someone. Another possible (but not foolproof) sign is when a family member tells the rest of the household, "Don't ever tell anyone outside the family about [fill in the blank]. That's private! We don't tell! Don't tell!" That happens to be what many husbands tell their wives after battering them.
What if your dating partner has a highly dysfunctional family?
You can still assess how they interact with their family, and learn about their personality and character this way.When the family behaves in a dysfunctional manner, how does your partner react?Does your partner get sucked into the drama, or keep some distance? Does your partner escalate situations, or de-escalate them? Does your partner know when to walk away from a situation that's beyond repair? Is your partner assertive without being aggressive? Can your partner calmly say no to unreasonable requests?Most of all, does your partner understand that family dysfunction is not destiny, and make a conscious effort to behave differently from the dysfunctional family members?A dysfunctional family gives you ample opportunity to learn whether your partner has good boundaries, poise under stress, a sense of humor about misfortune, and a spine. They don't need to be a zen master, utterly unaffected by their family's shenanigans, but ideally, they should maintain some amount of composure despite the drama occurring around them.Keep in mind that when someone grows up in a dysfunctional environment, they often learn maladaptive behaviors. These behaviors allow them to survive through a fucked-up childhood, but cause problems in more normal circumstances in adulthood. One example might be hypervigilance. If your mother beats you whenever she's in a bad mood, you become extremely sensitive to her mood, constantly checking to see if she's calm or angry. You may feel anxious whenever she's around, and grow very afraid at even the slightest indication that she's displeased. If you behave this way with a normal person who doesn't intend to beat you when angry, they may get weirded out, or think you're trying to control them —and in a way, you are, even though you don't really need to. This causes conflict in the relationship and may drive them away.If your partner acts like a hot mess around their dysfunctional family, you may be tempted to shrug and say, “Well, I'm not like those bozos, so I have nothing to worry about.” Don't be so sure. Watch out for it bleeding over into their relationship with you in the form of maladaptive behaviors.
What is your definition of a dysfunctional Family?
I think a dysfunctional family is one in which the bad times out number the good times. Every family has its own level of dysfunction and there is no such thing as the perfect family... in terms of conflict, secrets, problems etc.... But a dysfuntional one is unable to come together and embrace the obstacles that life brings on as a unit and produce healthy happy individuals that are able to contribute so society in a positive way. The wikipedia definition is as follows: A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur continually, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal. Dysfunctional family members have common symptoms and behavior patterns as a result of their common experiences within the family structure. This tends to reinforce the dysfunctional behavior, either through enabling or perpetuation. The family unit can be affected by a variety of factors.