Did you regret giving your baby up for adoption?
I regret it with my heart and soul. Adoption is forever, and it hurts like hell. I was allotted 15 minutes after birth to hold my baby. I was overly medicated, and could not do so. After that, the nurses refused my requests to see my baby. I would stand at the nursery window looking for my baby, but she wasn't there. The baby was placed in a "hidden" nursery, so the adoptive couple could enjoy her in privacy. Even thought it was against the "rules" for me to hold my baby , a kind nurse took pity on me in the middle of the night, and allowed me to see and hold my baby for a brief time. Potty: um...I mean spotty. You have a lot to learn. I hope that you are shown the same mercy that you give to others.
Does anyone regret giving up their baby for adoption?
From research on this topic, most do... in fact I think the figure was something like 88%, 10% were still unsure/ambivalent and 2% stated it was in their child's best interests. As these figures are based on a report that I cannot find reference to on the net so I cannot quote a site but this was only a couple of years ago. From my personal dealings with mothers who have placed their children, most regret the decision and its because much pressure is placed on pregnant expectant mothers into a decision before they have had the chance to hold their babies and know how they truly feel. Decisions like this should not be thought of until after the baby is born. Meeting adoptive parents places expectations on mothers as well and therefore pre-birth matching should be abolished. As for me, I regret not having enough support and education on adoption. I never wanted to place and fought to keep my daughter but lost due to fraudulent dealings between my daughter's adopters and the judge. So yeah, I regret THAT but it wasn't my choice. Whether you place or lose you child to adoption, you are going against nature so it will cause havoc and chaos. Its called instinct. Mothers and children are just not meant to be separated unless there is just cause which in most cases of adoption, especially infant adoption, there is not. Please do not think about adoption. Please think of finding family members who would support you. There is a way to get through this. It will be hard. Motherhood is exhausting but it has its rewards as well. My children are my biggest joy. They drive me nuts at times but I would never trade the bad days (which are few) for not having them. Being a parent is an amazing journey. All the best.
Did you regret giving up your child?
Yes. I regret adoption with all of my heart. You will too. So will your child. The only thing a baby wants and knows is his/her mom. Your child will suffer a tremendous loss without you if you chose adoption. You will never fill the empty arms and heart that adoption leaves you with. Your baby will be lost to you forever. Everyone told me not to abort, that adoption was the "loving" option. It totally wasn't. My child was raised in an abusive home. She would've fared much better with me. She has suffered because of adoption, and so have I. Abortion and adoption both have consequences. There are no easy answers. If I were to chose between the two....hands down....it would be abortion. A small mass of cells removed from my uterus vs. a lifetime of sorrow and pain......no contest. Of course, I am talking an early abortion. My overall choice would be to keep my baby! Whatever YOU decide, do not listen to the adoption propaganda fed to you. It is not a disney movie. There is no such thing as better parents. You are absolutely the best for your child. Money, youth, being unwed.....these are all temporary things....adoption is permanent. Open adoptions are NOT legally enforceable and used soley by the industry to get a young pregnant women to sign over her baby. Do not fall for that! Adoption is not a gift to the infertile. You do not owe anyone YOUR baby. Adoption is not what your child wants. I don't think you do either.
How did you feel giving up your baby for adoption.?
I am a birth mother and have NO regrets about it. I even see this child now and have no maternal feelings for him. What you think is best for your life is very different from what she may be dealing with and what she feels is best. I adopted out my child because i was not ready to be a mom. I knew i was not ready. Yes i had sex. Yes i knew that pregnancy was a possibility when having sex wether protected or not. I also knew i COULD take care of a child on my own. The big thing for me was that i wasnt ready to be a mom. I was very selfish in my desires, lifestyle, whatever you want to call it. Caring for a child was doable but completely unfair to the child. I looked for a family who couldnt have their own and wanted to adopt more than one. I found a wonderful family for the child of my body. He though is the child of her heart. That means sooooo much more than blood and uterus. You calling her slefish by wanting a normal 21yr old life is horrid. I feel that her realizing she is not in a mental position to care for a kid is completely unselfish. While i have no regrets about my desicion it was the HARDEST thing i have yet had to do in my life. I held him in my arms when he was born and cried. Be supportive of her choices. Its not your life........its not your choice. Hopefully you can just love and support her no matter what. It will be the hardest thing she will ever do.
How hard can giving up your baby for adoption be?
It not only affects you but your child for life. From what I've heard, living with it is much harder than doing it. No no, living with the pain of surrendering your child is harder than the actual signing of papers. What I meant was that the pain extends far behind the moment of surrender.
Do you regret relinquishing your baby for adoption? Would you take your child back if you could?
Placing my child was difficult but I wouldn't change anything. I placed into an open adoption so I never wondered if he was ok because I got pictures, letters and regular visits. He’s doing great. His parents never saw me as a threat they are so grateful that I chose them and we bond over our mutual love for this little person I created. I went through (and sometimes still deal with) the feelings of guilt and grief, but seeing how happy my child is with these great people helps me cope. I'm proud of my decision. I can't guarantee that it'll always be this good, but with the nine years of good memories we have I'm confident that my son will grow into a strong well grounded man.
What percentage of birth mothers regret giving their baby up for adoption?
100% at some point in their life. Even if it’s just a thought in the back of their mind. A woman’s maternal instincts never die, and when they see another woman with their child, or drive by a school. Their mind immediately jumps back to that child they gave away.
Does anyone regret giving up their child for adoption?
You are 16, Congrats on the baby. First as a teen mom (at the age of 18) You need to realize babies don't cost as much as people might make them seem. Resale shops make it easy to afford anything from clothes to furniture. And of course you always will have people that will give you their children's old clothes. Some things are a one time expense like bottles, bibs, swings, strollers, infant/toddler car seat. You and the father are together. Apartments can be affordable if you look in the right spots. But then again you can apply for section 8 housing, food stamps, TANF, Medicaid, child care, and WIC. They will help you greatly afford your baby. Some Medicaid programs have it if you complete their parenting classes you will receive a free car seat for the baby. There is nothing wrong accepting help. You know you want your baby and guess what your baby wants you to! If you are ready to parent then don't let anybody try and talk you out of it. Know that you are entitled to help to keep and support your baby. AND BLOCK YOUR EMAIL BECAUSE PEOPLE ON HERE WILL EMAIL WANTING TO ADOPT YOUR BABY! I ALREADY HAVE GOTTEN ONE EMAIL LIKE THAT.
Do birth mothers regret giving up their child for adoption?
I am writing a textual analysis on the regret of birth mothers giving their children up for adoption. The idea was spawned by the television show, Brothers and Sisters, Season 3, Episode 7. In this episode, Kitty, a woman looking to adopt, questions Trish, an expecting doctor, about why she wants to give the child up. Trish explains her career focus and other commitments, yet Kitty doesn't seem convinced. If anyone know any articles I can read to help me gather statistics on the rate of mothers who are in the adoption process and then pull out, or ultimately just regret their decision and try to take the children back at a later date, I would very much appreciate the help.