Why my daughter is ashamed of me?
Maybe there is someone out there that can help me. My daughter seems to be ashamed of me all the time, she never wants to be seen with me, always is quiet around me and never talks to me anymore. She seems unhappy with me with whatever I do. I find myself crying all the time wondering what it is I have done to cause her to stray away from me. I am sure I have my problems as I do not clear myself of any wrong doing, its just hard to be a parent to her sometimes. She wants nothing to do with her father she says she hates him all the time. We are divorced, but do get along quite well nowadays. She is 13 and this may be just "teenage" years. It is hard for me to cope some days.
How do I tell my therapist I lied about self harm to her?
I’m not sure if you lied by telling her you self-harmed when you didn't…or if you lied by telling her you didn’t self-harm when you actually did.The good news is, the answer is the same for either scenario. Please tell your therapist straight out that you weren’t honest with her. Just spit it out. She’ll probably ask you exactly what you weren’t honest about, which will make things easier by you just filling in the blank. Or maybe she will ask you to tell her more. Again, it opens the door for you to tell her.I have had a really hard time being honest with my therapist…and also with saying things that need to be said. And sometimes it’s a real struggle to actually get. the. words. out. But each time it gets a little (a tiny, wee bit) easier to do.More good news…she will understand. Both the lying and the self-harm. Both are symptoms of why you are there to begin with. And being honest just gives you guys a more solid place to work…together. And being honest with her the first time will make it easier to keep being honest.Helpful hint: Next time you have an appointment scheduled, lead off with this. Right after the hellos and sitting down. Just spit it out. Don’t give yourself time to think or change your mind. You really will be glad you did.Good luck!!! You can do this!PS…And please come back and tell me how it went!!!
What happens when I tell my therapist I self-harm?
I wasn’t going to answer this until I read the answers you already had received.A well trained therapist will know that what you are doing is not uncommon with survivors of abuse, and other issues and it does not mean you are mentally ill. However, you don’t want to make it a way of life because it hurts your self-esteem. Also you might accidentally go too far and do real damage to your body and your life. The first thing you want to do is ask your therapist if he or she has been trained in trauma resolve or abuse issues. If the therapist has simply had the basic training for all therapists, he or she will not be equipped to deal with this properly.Self harm is normally a cry for help or a way to release feelings the client has difficulty holding, like pain. It may actually mean you and your therapist are doing good work and some of the feelings you have been avoiding are coming up to be healed.Some things you can do to avoid self harm are holding an ice cube in your hands for a minute, using a bright red pen and scribbling wildly on a pad of paper. You can give the pain a voice and let it vent. Write down what it says and bring it to therapy. You do need a therapist who has specialized training in trauma resolve to deal with this so make sure you have that and don’t be afraid to ask your therapist if he or she has that special training. Again, inner child work alone won’t get it. Your therapist needs training in trauma resolve.Don’t be afraid to tell your therapist what is happening. He or she may want to have a contract with you that asks you to promise to contact him or her immediately if you start feeling suicidal or the self harm becomes life threatening. No experienced therapist will ever call the police or reveal this imformation unless you have become a danger to yourself or others.If you find out your therapist has not had any specific training in this area, you can ask for a referral from her or go to American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) they have a “therapist finder” link. If you put in your zip code a list of therapists will come up who are in your area, with their fees, their specialized training, which insurance they take and the url for their site.Hope this helps. Be brave. The fact that this is happening is your courageous self getting ready to heal the pain inside and deal with past issues. Go for it. You deserve to feel good inside and out.
How do I tell my therapist that I was sexually abused by my uncle (amongst a myriad of other problems) when I feel so embarrassed and ashamed even thinking about it?
First, it may help you to know that you are not alone. Many studies show that one out of every four, or even three, girls is a victim of incest. I am an incest survivor, myself. It is a very prevalent family disease, with millions of victims. And one of the reasons it is so widespread is that a major symptom is shame and sometimes that - and also threats - keeps victims from talking. This is a disease that literally lives and thrives in silence.I can tell you from personal experience that the effects of this crime permeate every piece of your existence. They make it very difficult for you to trust people; they cause you to withdraw from many activities and to form relationships in healthy ways. And the impacts are subtle - many of them infiltrate your life without your awareness, but they’re there. Also, the lack of disclosure has the additional effect of allowing the perpetrator to just keep on abusing other kids. You are very likely not the only child that your uncle has done this to.So there really is no choice. The only way out of your dilemma is through. You must grit your teeth, gather your courage, and know that millions of us have been in the same situation you are now. But we did it. We opened our mouths, and we spoke. The truth came out.And gradually, gradually, we regained our lives. We spoke our pain, we screamed our anger, and we recovered our souls from the criminals who tried to steal them from us. We proved that we are we are not the people who should be ashamed. The criminals who assault children are the ones who need to crawl in shame and when possible, be in jail to pay for what they have done.So you can do this. Because I did. And so many others. It’s very, very difficult. I am not minimizing that. But you will not die from your embarrassment. You will be miserable for a while. This is not an easy process, by any means. But on the other side is a life that feels a great deal better than how you feel now. I promise you that.And not telling your therapist, not resolving these issues, can easily result in a life that revolves around tragedy instead of joy. That is a very high price to pay for not facing up to this now. Take a deep breath, and think of all of us being with you, supporting you. Because we are.
I'm scared of telling my therapist the truth about certain things because I'm afraid she might get upset at me. Is this normal of me to feel this way?
There’s really three things going on here:A) Is it normal to feel this way?B) Will your therapist get upset at you?C) Should you tell your therapist (anyway)?NB, if you’re just skimming through here, (A) answers the direct question, but I feel (C) is the most important.———First, it’s not abnormal to feel hesitation to share with a therapist, especially if you’re new to therapy. Obviously there’re some of us who just can’t shut up, therapist or not, and some people take weeks to just talk about very basic things. The therapy process is unusual; we’re not used to this sort of relationship where it’s both very unbalanced — she’s learning a lot about you, but you aren’t learning much about her in return — and totally disconnected from the rest of your social life — there’s no risk that she will gossip to your friends or coworkers about anything you’ve talked about, but she also has no prior insight into the rest of your life.———Second, will she get upset at you? No, probably not. But if she does, for example, if you tell her you didn’t follow her homework advice (yes, a good therapist should give you homework), then she should only be upset in a supportive way, acknowledging that you needed to do something to help yourself, but you didn’t (in this example). This shouldn’t be any sort of emotional reaction from her, and following this, she should help you to move forward sensibly.Any therapist that responds with an emotional outburst, or tells you off without providing some sort of supportive response, is not one that you should return to.———Third, and most importantly, you should absolutely share things with your therapist that are difficult. But this takes time. Like any human relationship, you will likely feel a desire to build trust before getting into the deep, dark places in your heart. Don’t feel obliged to share everything at once, and don’t share more than you’re comfortable with sharing. But remember, you’re in therapy to help yourself, and if something is difficult for you to bring up, it’s likely among the most important things to bring up!Sure, you should share as much as you can, as early as you can to get the most from your sessions, but there are valid reasons not to trust therapists immediately and wholeheartedly. They don’t even have to be bad people; client-professional fit is important here. If you want to take a few sessions before really letting it all out, do so!
How can I bring up something in therapy I feel intense shame over? I'm too ashamed to tell anyone.
You are in therapy now because something is putting you in an emotional turmoil. From the great intense pain you feel, I’m assuming that this shame has pretty well overcome you. Therapists have heard just about anything imaginable; otherwise, how can they help others? Put your feelings of shame in place and tell the therapist what is truly bothering you. You will be amazed at how free you will feel. Not only that, the therapist will probably be wondering why you were so ashamed in the first place.When I was a child, I went to confession regularly to tell the priest the sins I had committed since my last confession. The priest would listen quietly, maybe ask a few questions, tell me my penance (how may prayers to say for forgiveness of my sins), and then bless me and say, “Your sins are forgiven. Now say your penance and sin no more.” I would do what he said happily and later walk out of the church with a great big smile of great big relief.Believe me when I say that therapists have probably heard about the SIN you are referring many times. You need to tell someone to alleviate the pain you are in now. Then, you too, can walk out the therapist’s office with a great big smile of great big relief.
Why is my husband ashamed of my bipolar?
You need to let him know that being mentally ill is not something you can control and that if he cannot accept you for it, then he cannot have any other part of you. You are a whole package with unique traits and he can't just pick and choose which ones he wants and which ones he doesn't. Tell him to treat you like a WHOLE person. Because that's what you are.
Should i tell my therapist im bisexual? Help?!?
You also posted something about liking your therapist so I'm guessing you're a girl, you're bi and you have feelings for your therapist (which is probably transferrence anyway) who is religous and against homophobia? She should be professionally and ethically objective if she is any kind of therapist. Therefore she won't reveal what you tell her, she shouldn't judge you and obviously she couldn't date you either. Therefore my advice is: get a different therapist (preferrably one that you are not likely to have feelings for in the future), forget about Miss Homophobic and get yourself a girlfriend or boyfriend who is not bound by professional ethics. If you must keep with her though, ask yourself one question: is the reason you want to tell her that you're bisexual 1. because you need someone to confide in 2. because you need advice on how to come to terms with this/ tell you family and friends, etc or 3. because you want to see if she likes you back If 3 is your only or main reason for telling her, then it's definitely not a good idea.