One of my elder cousins has sexually abused me many times when I was kid, he is 3 years older than me. I hate him but now he is nice to me, though, whenever I see him I just don't want to see him. Should I forgive him?
How old are you now?You don’t say the respective ages you and he were when the events happened. That said he is three years older that you, and is related. To that end the sexual abuse could be seen as incest. The fact that you say he has done it more than once makes the matter worrying.If he was 16 and you 13 that is serious; if you were say three and he was six that may not be in the eyes of the law as serious, since he is below the age of reason (7). However that does not mean the incident will be taken lightly.Have you spoken to your parents about this, at the time or now?Has he been near you since, or sent any material that has sexual inferences; when was the last time you met with him face to face?In turn they should report the matter to his parents.Either way you should tell them now what happened, and describe the nature of the assault particularly if it was around the genitalia and indeed he did actually place his fingers or his genitals at the entrance of the vulva and vagina.If you are feeling not only the emotional effects but pain around the genitals as well then you tell your parents and you should be examined by a doctor for signs of any damage. Even if it was a long time ago, that doesn’t reduce the seriousness of the matter, and again particularly if there was a large age difference, and he should know better.He is “nice to you” as he has gained control over you and since this appears to have been going on for a while, he thinks that being “nice” to you is to make you believe that everything is alright with what he has done. Clearly you know that what he did was not only wrong but illegal.To that end don’t accept this “niceness” if you believe that this is to stop you telling someone, more to the point that if he leaves you alone for a couple of years and builds your trust, he will do it again.You need the help of both of you and his parents; and don't fall for this “niceness” bit. Stay well clear of him. If he had done it once, he will do it again, and forget the family element of it; what he has committed is incest, whether he penetrated you; or generally interfered with you in the genital area.
Do I really have to have my fiance's niece in my wedding?
NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! It is YOUR day!! YOUR wedding! Yeah, yeah... I know, all that crap about the joining of you and your fiancee, yes... I know, that too... but has HE been dreaming of this all his life? NO! You have!! You have the upmost right to say who you do and do NOT want in your wedding ceremony and/or party. Trust me, when I get married, I am going to be bridezilla. It's YOUR day... it should be exactly how you want it.. ESPECIALLY if YOUR parents are paying for EVERYTHING!!! Put your foot down and get what you want. Good luck and congrats!! Added: Don't listen to these other people saying that you're shallow and vain and immature... you just want what you want... if you add her, you'll resent it and be angry and who knows what else you'll be suckered into adding? And you'll always remember this and how you listened to some people on Yahoo! Answers and didn't do what YOU wanted to do... years down the road you'll think, "Why did I listen to those people and didn't do what I wanted?" while looking back on pictures of the chunky-not-so-pretty girl... Sure, it's shallow... but it's your wedding... the most important day of your life up until now... do it the way you want it... not because some people on this page make you feel bad.
How do I explain to my niece that it's not okay to bully her younger siblings?
To be able to do that, first of all, you need to know where your niece is coming from. First, she’s 9 years old. She is in the phase of her life where she is just beginning to make stronger peer groups or starting to face a lot of social dynamics. Coupled with this, there could be many other things contributing to her desire to bully her siblings. She could be craving attention or she could just simply be enjoying the age she is at and the little power that comes along with it by exercising it on safer targets. The attention part has been answered and explained by the others but to get her to stop bullying, you really need to step in her shoes and understand why she’s doing it.Bullying comes from insecurities most of the time so talk to her, don’t tell her what she’s doing is wrong, tell her it’s okay to feel whatever she might be feeling and get her to open up to you. Maybe playfully even agree with her on how much fun bullying little kids can be. Maybe give her your own experiences of when you were 9. Let her trust you and only then will she understand you when you tell her that you understand why she behaves like that with her siblings but it still isn’t a nice thing to do to them. Basically, let her understand that without being judgmental.Like the others said, give her the attention she wants in ways you think will benefit her and be her friend.
What is the minimum clubbing age in Crete, Greece?
Normally, they are not served alcohol, as the minimum age is 17. As far as entrance, there used to be a law that a minor should be accompanied by an adult to enter a bar, club etc. However I am not sure on how strict they are in tourist locations. They can try in several ones and find out which one does bend the rules (especially if they look a little bit older than 14).
Why do people in some communities in South India marry their first cousins?
My answer elucidates south Indian Hindu perspective. Let me begin by clarifying the part about Gotra. South Indian Hindus do not marry in their Gotras at all. Even if the person is an Nth cousin. Same Gotra no marriage - strictly. Now coming to the cousin question. Cousins are divided into Brother/Sister category and the marriageable category:Children of one's father's brother and mother's sisters are considered brothers/sisters. No one would consider a marriage between parallel cousins - it is considered as incest. Children of one's father's sister and mother's brother are not considered brothers/sisters. So marriage is considered okay between such cross cousins.Despite the genetic disadvantage, There are a few social advantages of such an arrangement. Like:The girl would get married and go to her mama's (uncle) or atha's (Aunt) house and hence will be treated well. This is observed by various social interest groups also. This is one reasons why women get more rights in typical south Indian families.The property will remain undivided because, families will marry off their daughter to the uncle's son and would get theirs son's married to the uncle's daughter. So neither of them will ask for a division of property. Even if property is divided, there will be no heart burn as after it is going only to the nephew and niece.The chemistry between the daughter-in-law and MIL/FIL could be better. It is no longer valid now a days.EDIT 1: It could have been the norm in the North in ancient times, but it is no longer followed now. This can be deduced from Mahabharata in which Arjuna gets married to Shubhadra - they are cross cousins.EDIT 2:Clarified 1st line: 'this is a view from a South Indian Hindu perspective'.
Would/did you invite children to your wedding or have an adult-only wedding?
I am currently planning a no kids wedding, the date set for August 2019. I came to this conclusion while considering a few different things. My fiancée and I attended a no kids wedding two years ago, one of our closest friends, and all of the adults with young kids actually got to have fun and ENJOY themselves. They considered the Miller wedding a date night/weekend, and hired sitters or scheduled family to watch their kids. There were absolutely no children in attendance and it was glorious. Adults got to have adult time and focus on the bride and groom, and not their screaming 2 year olds.For my wedding, I am trying to replicate the vibe that was at the Miller wedding. Everyone had a blast and could drink, knowing they didn’t have to immediately return to mommy duty the next day. Another point for me was, I didn’t want to have to pay for childcare or to entertain other people monsters. That seems unfair that I should have to pay for a babysitter for younguns. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule if someone is breastfeeding. But that’s about the only exceptions I’m willing to allow. I love my family and friends I am inviting, but if two people show up with kids because they didn’t want to pay for a babysitter than everyone else is going to be pissed they had to leave their kids at home.Our personal exception is our nephew and niece and my cousins will be attending the wedding. As 2 “ring bearers” and 2 “flower girls” that will all be over the age of 14 by the time we get married, so kids over the age of 14ish will be invited. Because they are self-sufficient beings that do not require my guests attention.On another hand, my wedding is expensive and I don’t want to pay $30 a head to feed you and your 5 kids under 10, who probably won’t like what I serve anyways. I will not cater to other people’s fascination with reproduction.Also, as a guest at another wedding I did not appreciate having to watch my step and weave in and out of wild kids running around, because Mom and Dad were too lazy or too drunk to care. For my wedding, please leave the children at home.
Is kissing haram in Islam and should be banned?
Interesting but in fact a stupid question. Kissing is Halal (Permitted) in Islam in following specific conditions/ways only. Otherwise Kissing is Haram (not permitted/not allowed) in Islam according to our Holy Quran & Ahadiths of Holy Prophet Peace be upon Him).Kissing to the opposite gender/sex (except spouse wife/husband & specific conditions) is also not permitted in other religions too (please read true scripts of Holy Torah, Bible, Bhagwat Gita, Guru Granth Sahib, The Tripitaka (Pali Canon), Mahayana Sutras and the Tibetan Book of the Dead in three major canonical Buddhist texts.Kissing is Halal (Permitted) in Islam & other religions in the following specific conditions/ways only.If you’re kissing your spouse (husband/wife) to whom you’re married (in Nikah).If you’re kissing your elders, old age persons or younger family members or relatives in a sign of love, respect, regard, care, gesture or gratitude i.e. your grand/maternal parents, parents, uncles, aunts, elder & younger brothers & sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces, your own sons & daughters.If you’re kissing your old age spiritual or religious leaders, scholars, teachers, mentors, peers etc.Note: Kissing to the opposite gender (except wife) depends upon the adulthood/youth or old age. Fathers/Mothers (parents) or Elder Brothers/Sisters can kiss their younger little sisters/brothers, daughters/sons, nieces/nephews or other child in family for loving gesture or care but in a respectful way. Secondly, you can kiss your old age sisters/brothers, uncles/aunts or other relatives or teachers/mentors etc in order to show the sign of respect, regard & love for them.