How do I make my husband feel less of a failure?
That is the most lovely thing I have ever heard between couples. You nearly got me in tears there. The fact that you see that he contributes so much but he thinks its not enough tells me you have just come to a deeper level of intimacy (emotional intimacy) between the two of you. In emotional intimacy it is the thought that counts more than the outcome. The first step to take for you is to start seeing the thought side of his actions other than the outcome, appreciate (react, reward, etc) him towards the thought. You will sail the seven seas of emotional intimacy only a few couples are able to pull off. He has just shown his humility and vulnerability to you. Here is a quick description of emotional intimacy to understand what I am talking about.Emotional intimacy is much harder to achieve than physical intimacy. It requires a humility and vulnerability that most of us are simply not comfortable with at first. The process of becoming intimate emotionally is therefore a slower one. Even in the best relationship, with the most genuine person, it takes time for us to be convinced that it is safe to let our guard down. And if we have been hurt or betrayed in the past, it may take longer. The labyrinth of our opinions, feelings, fears, and dreams is something we guard closely, as we should.In order to encourage those we love to emotionally bond with us, we must be extremely careful not to judge their mistakes, indeed should be careful not even to appear to judge them. If we make people feel ashamed or guilty about their mistakes, we are not worthy of their intimacy. They are already ashamed of their mistakes, just as you and I are ashamed of ours. They don’t need to be reminded.We should remember that whatever a person’s actions, our role is to help him or her build a future where we have a common quest to become the best of-ourselves.
:(i feel like such a stupid failure?
hi, thanks for opening this question. i know its kind of long, but PLEASE PLEASE read. im a 14 year old girl and im a freshman in high school and well, i dont know, i just feel so stupid. i just feel like my parents hate me because im so stupid. last year, in 8th grade, i got an 889 out of 900 on my high school entrance exams and I didn't make it into the #1 school in the state (i needed 891 points to get in), so now i go to the 2nd best school in the state. they never even congratulated me for that. its almost the end of the first quarter, and i have 2 C's, one in geometry and one in physics. I have one B in Latin, and the rest A's. they're all honors classes. the last time i got a C was in 4th grade and my parents yelled at me for it, and i have no idea what theyre gonna do now... a few weeks ago my school sent home my progress report. back then i had all A's except two B's (geometry and physics), and my dad yelled at me and told me that those are the most important subjects and that i wont get a job if i do badly in those areas. now my grades are even lower and i just don't know what to do. i feel so stupid all the time because everyone in my class understands whats going on in except me. i'm going to tutoring but im afraid i wont get my grade up in time for report cards. i'm scared i wont be able to make it into good colleges like yale or dartmouth. im scared my parents will hate me. they always compare me to my siblings (all older than me) and how theyre so much smarter than me. i feel like such a failure. my parents think i hang out too much with my friends, but thats not it, i just DONT get geometry and physics. i wish they'd understand that i really TRULY work so hard to get good grades and i wish theyd just be happy for me. i dont TRY to get bad grades. i really work so so so so hard and when theyre not home i just sit in my room and cry. what do i do now? everyone else gets physics. thats going to make my parents think im even dumber, the only kid that doesn't get it. and they're gonna make me come home straight from school everyday and study until i go to bed. they won't let me go outside except for school and church. they'll call me stupid like they do every time i get bad grades. im crying so much as im typing this... i wish i could just trade brains with someone not as stupid as me. someone who gets acceleration and force diagrams. :(
Feel like a failure at 22?
I'm 22 years old and I still live at home. I feel like I'm never going to get out of the house or be paid more than minimum wage. I'm studying to become a very tech and though I've just started volunteering at an animal shelter, I don't feel like I'll ever get a job in the industry and that it'll all be impossible. I have been accepted to attend University after taking so long at Community College to finish 100 credits. I know I'm doing good because I have Phi Theta Kappa on my records but I'm also going to land myself in debt while going there. ( I never applied for scholar ships and still don't.) I have a part time job and I'm going to school but I barely earn any money. And I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong. Maybe this is all momental sadness but I really want someone to tell me what to do or tell me what they did so maybe I can earn more or move out. There's so many other people on this earth, I feel small and like there's no point and I'll never get anywhere.
I feel like a failure?
Hey! If there is one thing I can tell you, is at least you still have the drive to want to do something. That is one big advantage that you have over others that struggle with depression/social anxiety. I want to tell you something. You are never too old to go to school. Something that has always helped me get more motivated and stop being a failure, is working out. I know it sounds ridiculous when you want your whole life to start and that running around or doing pushups is just stupid, but its not. I can guarantee one thing: you will become increasingly more motivated and INCREDIBLY happier if you exercise. At first, it will feel like hell. But working out releases endorphins, and endorphins are happiness. As you become more motivated, start by looking for a job. Make some money! Set a small goal every day. For example: Today I am going to workout for 1 hour. I will also start a resume (You can totally do a resume even without much experience in anything else). Tomorrow: I will work out for an hour, and then do a job search in my area. Set out little goals, and as you accomplish them, you will feel less like a failure and more like you are doing things! If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me back for more tips! Just apply yourself! This might sound harsh, but you are at the prime of your life. Take advantage! If you don't do anything now, do you really think anything will change in 1 or 20 years? Do you want to live on your parents couch when you are 25? Of course not. You can't say those things will happen eventually. You have to do those things now.
How can I feel less like a failure and be more satisfied with life?
First of all, you are not a failure. Seriously, you just have to repeat that to yourself. You are not a failure, and you will never be one.You’ve already taken such a big step in asking for help by putting your story out there for millions of strangers online. In terms of your concerns, potential intelligence is bullshit. We used to think that humans were born with a finite number of neural cells and that when a cell died, no new cells would grow. We know now that brains can generate fresh cells and neural pathways. But doing so requires you to take steps to pick yourself up and get back out there to experience what the world has to offer because it’s too damn early to give up now.Don’t worry about the girl. I too broke up with my girlfriend of 5.5 years about a year ago and the lesson I learned from the whole experience was how important it is to learn how to be alone. When the music stops and everyone goes home, the only person you need to make happy is you. I guarantee you that if you can’t find happiness within yourself, it doesn’t matter who you end up with, you’ll still be miserable. For your best friend, you can try as much as you want, but people won’t change until they open their minds to change. You know how on airplanes they always tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping your child put on their mask? It’s not because airlines hate children, it’s because you can’t help give anyone oxygen if you’re gasping for air yourself. I suggest that you and your best friend become accountability partners and set goals so that you can call each other every week and check in to see how each other are progressing towards those goals. Keep being there for your friend but remember to take care of yourself. If this all feels too overwhelming, take baby steps. When I was depressed a year ago, I started writing a post-it note every few days with a motivational quote. I would put them on the wall right in front of me so that in my darkest moments, I could read them out loud to myself and push myself to keep moving forward. I recommend doing this yourself so that you can feel that you are building something over time.Get up and don’t ever give up man. I believe in you.
Why does school make me feel like a failure?
You are not alone. Many people, particularly those that are very bright, hold themselves to very high or even impossible standards in all spheres of life. Academia is no exception, on the contrary, it is often the area within which people suffer most with feelings of inadequacy.The above notwithstanding, there is no one objectively determined method by which to remedy such insecurity. If you were to discover one, you would become very wealthy and very famous very quickly.Ultimately though, we learn more from our failures than we do from our triumphs, and I think that it is important to realise that success cannot be achieved, and far less enjoyed, without overcoming obstacles.Recognise that the human condition is perfectly imperfect, and that our endeavour to eliminate our flaws will never be achieved. At the same time, appreciate that there is honour in trying. Work to identify your areas of weakness. Is it poor numeracy, underdeveloped capacity for lateral thinking, lack of attention to detail? Whatever it is, learn to revel in your shortcomings and derive enjoyment from pushing beyond your perceived limitations and striving to use your formal schooling years to their fullest.Enjoy yourself. Never again will you have such time and resources afforded to you, all in pursuit of achieving your academic and learning potential.All the best.
How can I help myself feel like less of a miserable failure?
We all hit the dark place on occasions. Here are a few things I do.- Self Affirmation is the technical term. In my eyes I just looked in the mirror every morning and tell myself a couple of positive things about me (successful, strong, etc) and I said it every morning. At first I sounded dumb in my ears. Then after a few weeks I said it with authority and then one day I believed it. Depression faded away. I go to YouTube for motivational or inspirational speeches. One of my favorite people is Eric Thomas and This video is what started me on a good journey. Look at your failures, take a strong, hard look at them and write down how you think you failed. Then write down the lessons from each one. Finally, write down where you went right. You will see how much more you did right than wrong. As you gain further experience (life or business etc) you will have more and more "Done Rights" than wrongsWrite down 10 goals. 5 of those goals are big like lose weight, get engaged, buy a house, graduate college etc... The other 5 are small goals things much more quickly obtained. Wake up at 6 am every morning, eat breakfast every morning, do all homework, etc...Do some or all of those things and you will find yourself in a better place. Now, 95% of the time, when the world is negative around me, I rise over it.An entire sea of water can't sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can't put you down unless you allow it to get inside of you. - Unknown
Will starving myself make me feel less like a failure?
Sounds like “atonement fasting.”But no— you’ll feel worse, getting weak, and hungry, and less able to handle stress.In fact, anorexia is a common reaction to stress.Only changing your mind, will change your mind. Feelings of failure come from an abusive childhood, and the illusion that there was some obvious way you could have done things differently, but that you failed to do that as well.I compare this to being inside a trash-compactor; i.e. it keeps getting worse, no matter how small you try to make yourself.However I think feelings of failure are on the rise, as shown in this chart showing income-disparity:As seen, it’s on the rise no matter how much neocons blame the victim.
I feel like a failure compared to my sister?
Today my sister got her GCSE results, and she got 7A*'s and 3 A's. 2 years ago when I did mine, I got 2 A*'s, 3 A's, 3 B's and 2 C's. I worked just as hard as she did, if not harder, because I have dyslexia and dyspraxia so have to put in even more effort, but of course she ended up doing better. She's basically the golden child in our family, as she also excels in music (singing and piano) and she's very pretty and has even been approached for modelling agencies. Compared to her I just feel like a loser. My grades weren't anywhere near as good as hers at GCSE, I struggled so hard in A levels that I ended up having to do 3 AS's instead of 4, I have no musical or sporting talents to make up for my lack of academic abilities, and I'm ugly. To make things worse, my parents always talk about her achievements to their friends and family members, and it feels like they're rubbing it in my face. I can't even bring myself to congratulate her for her results. How can I make myself feel like less of a failure and less jealous and bitter?
I am 15 and feel like a failure. What should I do to make things better?
Hey buddy how are you doing? I know that life and everything in it can be bad at times when you feel frustrated and without any direction to go to, but don't lose your hope, that is the most amazing and Powerful thing you have in your possession.You are you are just 15 and when I look back thinking about myself when I was 15 I see a little bit of myself in you. I could not make it to Get what we call good marks. I was disappointed my parents were disappointed. yes it was a lesson learnt in a hard way but it is sometimes required.You still have 50 60 years more to live, I wish you achieve a century in your bucket and if my wish comes true you have 85 more years to live. This is not the end have fun chill out with your friends there are tons of examples of people who have done big mistakes and yet succeeded in their life. you can do it, study hard next 2 years and try to get into medicine.And even if you don't get into a medicine college that does not mean you are out of options. I am sure you will do good in your life but most importantly remember that step 1 is to believe in yourself.Believe you believe you me I was never a very bright student I was just about an average. And right now I can proudly say that I am earning more than most of my friends who were doing very good in their studies. Part of life we have to deal with it in our own ways.I I understand that making money is not exactly a parameter for house successful I am in my life. Even if I acknowledge this fact I can proudly say that yes I am happy with my life, I have my parents supporting me, I have a good life partner who supports me in all my decisions and ups and downs.Believe in yourself, trust me ,that is the step 1 ,rest everything will fall into the correct places as you go on in your future endeavour. I wish you all the very best.