Have any adoptees had to "break-up" with their (adoptive) family?
Basically, I'm wondering any adoptees have had to cut ties (in some fashion or another) with their (adoptive) family. And if so, why? (Don't answer if you think it's too personal. I'm not trying to pry.)
Financial compensation for adoptees and mothers?
Sure. That's a great idea. About a million dollars would be fair. It would pay for therapy. But why are just the adopters paying it? The natural mother's family should pay compensation because in many cases they were the ones who put pressure on their daughters to give up their babies. Women who signed away their rights without being coerced should pay for emotional damage to their children. Parents who had their children taken away by social services should of course pay damages too.
Tell Mom I Want to Put My Baby Up for Adoption?
Now please, before you criticize me, I am a good person. I truely am. However, my boyfriend and I had been having sex, and I was on Birth Control, but I got pregnant. I know I should accept the consequences, but I am able to see that this baby could have such a better life and that I am not ready for a child. I want to put my baby up for adoption, but everytime I bring it up to my Mom, (I'm 20) she says that she'll raise it. I can't have her do that though. It would just bring me so much hurt everytime I saw my baby. Do you know what I mean? I wouldn't be able to do that, because it would just be a daily reminder of how bad of a person I am. How do I get the point across to my Mom though. Her and I are very close, but she's very hurt by me wanting to put the baby up for adoption. Probably because she was adopted. But I just can't do that. I'm so overwhelmed, I just need some nice advice and please, don't be mean. I already feel horrible enough...
Adoptees or adoptive parents: What is the rudest comment you've gotten about adoption?
I'll answer it as a future adoptive parent. The WORST one because it goes WAY beyond "rude" and into "hurtful" is "If God meant for you to be a mother he would have made you fertile" or something that inferrs that... yeah.. that's pretty hurtful.. especially by internet strangers who don't know me from Eve and what kind of parent I'd make. Also all the "Adoptive parents are evil greedy baby-snatchers" etc etc etc.. "Raising a child till he's 18 doesn't make you a mother, because he's not your OWN child." Oh, and I love the "Most people are infertile because they're fat, pissed away their fertility (There's one "PIshy" user here who LOVES to say that) or have STDs.. then they feel entitled to someone else's baby... Yeah, as one who was born infertile, stayed a virgin until marriage, and has dealt with weight issues and the judgment that goes along with being "big.."" that one hits all the wrong/right buttons.. (One comment about my weight when I WAS big was enough to drive me into a 2+ year eating disorder) Yeah... take the knife out of me please?? Thanks... Yeah.. all that stuff is pretty rude and hurtful...
Why do adopted children sometimes feel anger rather than gratitude towards their adoptive parents when they find out they were adopted?
I am the mother of an adopted child - she is my niece. She came to live with me when she was 4 years old. Why? Because her mother suffered from a raging drug addiction and regularly put my niece and her little sister in danger. Yes, it was a good thing she came to live with me and could be in a safer, more loving environment.Thing is, she was 4. All she knew was that she was suddenly living with me and not her mother. She had never met me prior to moving in with me, so I was a stranger. My sister had long periods of no contact with me so I did not know her children. Why? Because I called social services every time I knew where she was. When she had a momentary bit of sanity she asked me to care for her two girls. I agreed and immediately sued for custody (as I was advised to by social services).Thing is EVERYONE told my niece how lucky she was to come live with me and isn’t she GRATEFUL that she’s not with her mother. But of course she wasn’t - she was scared and confused and missed her mom and was living with strangers. Why on earth would she be grateful? Her life had been hell before she came to live with me - should she be grateful that her life sucked enough to be taken away from her mother? My sister refused to follow the court ordered drug testing and counseling. Should my niece be grateful that her mother choose her drug addiction over regaining custody?I’ve never understood what these children are supposed to be grateful for - they’ve been adopted because someone - 1. died 2. lost custody or 3. gave them up. Would you be grateful for those things happening in your life?The person who should be grateful is the adoptive parents who have been blessed with their children! They get a chance to share their love with a child who desperately needs it. They get a chance to watch their chosen child grow up and they get to have fun and adventures and offer their wisdom to this child who so needed it.Please think about the circumstances that often lead to adoption and please, please realize that it is the adopting parents who are the ones who should be grateful that they have a chance to share their love!
Adoptees do you feel resentment towards your biological parents?
I only feel resentment for the industry that coerced my first Mother into surrendering me. I missed my first Mom my entire life. My first Mom has never recovered from relinquishing me, her first born. Adoption does not guarantee a child a better life, only a different one. It is not easy growing up adopted. We are raised with complete and total strangers. We are usually nothing like our adoptive families. While most of the time, we are loved, and love them, too, that love does not ever take away the pain of being placed for adoption- no matter if the adoption was voluntary or involuntary. I suggest you read up on how adoption affects "MOST" adoptees. It will give you insights as to how your son may react. Reunion is not easy, and changes over time. It is very important that your reunion be between you and your son, and not with his ap's. They are not related to you, only he is. Many ap's have derailed their adoptive children's reunions...some intentionally, some not. how has being surrendered and subsequently adopted changed my life? Well, after 44 years, I have finally come to grips with all of my adoption issues. It takes a lifetime to do so. The primal, genetic and physical bond between natural mother and child should not be broken- and when it is, the damage usually lasts a lifetime. I am a happy and successful woman, and I love BOTH of my families, but my adoption should NOT have happened. Adoptions should ONLY happen when there is neglect or abuse, or if there is no one in the childs natural family to raise him or her. Books: The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky