What Do You Think Of My Story Idea

What do you think of these story ideas?

I have two:

1. This is an alternative history-type story with werewolves and vampires. My protagonist would be a Native American girl who is the daughter of the chief of a (fictional) tribe. All Native Americans have the ability to turn into werewolves upon reaching a certain age and they are very spiritual with the natural world and animals. I want to twist aspects of native american culture and make it different. The conflict is that the colonists (who are vampires) want to take over their lands and the natives must find a way to defend their territory from these vampire colonists. It's still an idea in progress so I would be open to criticism or other ideas to add to it.

2. This story is a vampire-based story. The main female protagonist is a vampire princess- daughter of two power leaders of a respected vampire society. She attends to public execution of rebelling human with her parents as well as other royal officials and some citizens of the society (all are vamps). After the execution takes place, no one expects a band of human assassins to be able to break into the kingdom, get through the security of guards and knights, and ultimately assassinate the king and queen right on the spot. The princess is quickly whisked out of harms way to she isn't killed. So with her parents dead, she has to rule the vampire society herself while also trying to avenge her parents' killings and find the human(s) who murdered them.

What do you think of my story?

If you're only fourteen, you need to never stop writing. Ever.

Here's my two cents; this is a great piece of fiction for a lot of reasons. It has excellent grammar and spelling. The syntax is very engaging. Your vocabulary is admirable and you do a great job of using strong, descriptive, smaller words instead of trying to use bigger fancy ones.

Since I don't believe in ever giving just negative or just positive criticism, I have to try and find some sort of thing I think needs fixing, so on and so forth. But really, all I have is this.
--First, reading this brought several images to my mind. Eragon, a bit of Harry Potter, Willow (old movie), and some more. I would caution you to be careful with how you proceed as you don't want to appear to be copying those or make it too clichéd. However, I know that is not your intention, and that you probably plan on taking the story in a different direction entirely. So, that's not really an issue.
--Second, the only part that pulled me away from the story was the basket. In the beginning it says the woman is carrying a bundle. The mental picture I got was just a bunch of blankets wrapped around the baby, but then suddenly there was this basket and I began wondering where it came from.

Aside from those two relatively minor things, I am impressed with your skill. I also cannot give enough praise to the following sentence: "For in her arms lay a beautiful child, with hair as black as the night itself, and skin as bright as the moon." For some reason that sentence really stood out to me and it's just great. The contrast between dark and light, but using two inseparable objects... It's genius and paints a very vivid and captivating image in the readers' minds. Very well done.

Your plot sounds very classic and engaging. (Just so you're aware, when I say cliché it's typically not a good thing, but classic is like a cliché that's good.)

Finally, just out of curiosity, is Mel short for anything or is her name just Mel?

Thanks for the good read. Hope this helps, and best of luck!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY STORY IDEA? (BODY SWAP)?

It's dull and full of spelling, punctuation and grammar mistakes, I gave up very quickly.

The overall topic is becoming cliche now, it needs someone who can really give that kind of a plot a good twist, and so far this just sounds like your typical teen novel. You need to work on a lot to make this good.

What do you think of my new story idea *REPOST*?

So a girl, we'll call her Kate for the moment, lives with her father in north california. Her mother left when she was ten. Ever since then, she doesn't believe that love exists because her father isn't much of a father either, he neglects her by being a workaholic and she basically fends for herself (she's 16). Then school starts, she meets Jonah. He's a little creepy, his mannerisms are odd, he really likes Kate but Kate finds him very strange. Somehow she gets to know him and the slowly fall in love, when they fall in love Jonah tells Kate that he's abused at home all because he's a __________ (some sort of mythical creature that is NOT a vampire/werewolf... he can read minds though and control emotion.. maybe see the future? I'm not sure yet). He's adopted, so Kate sets out to find his real family to try to reunite them.. He has two sisters and the family immediately accepts him. His adoptive family turns into _________ (some other mythical creature that is enemies with whatever Jonah is) and it turns into a "battle" between the two families, and Kate gets involved... and they fall in big time love. :)

It sounds badly written but it's sorta the general idea. What do ya think?

I know it sucked, I even admitted it, you do not need to remind me.

Also, I JUST came up with the idea like twenty minutes ago.

ANDDD, I know it may sound like Twilight, what fantasy/romance novel doesn't nowadays?

I know I reposted this many times. I just really want opinions and I would love people to critique it and give me pointers or whatever... THANKS.

Why do I think my story ideas are dull and boring?

Like, sometimes I think of an idea I could make a book based on it, but I feel like people would say its dull, boring, and incomplete. I think like people would just overlook it. Plus, most of my ideas are heavily based upon other popular stories so I'll they would also say it's a ripoff or a copy of some sort. When I think my plot and story line, it seems like the puzzle hasn't been solved yet. For example, you create the background of your story and you've got the gist of it but there's also this feeling that something wrong with it. I feel like I'm not creating enough original ideas. What is this feeling of dread???

What do you think of my story idea? Sibling rivalry?

The privileged world of three brothers is rocked when their fiery younger cousin comes to live with them. A story of family, sibling rivalry and growing up, that follows the children through their teens and early adulthood. Character profiles are below:

Everett "Rhett": Pretty much your typical rich kid on the surface - very attractive, very intelligent, highly sociable, has lots of friends, Head Boy at school. But has a more secretive, sensitive self that develops as he gets older. Has a reckless streak, but a good heart.

Campbell "Cam": Two years younger than Everett. Very physically fit but not as stunning attractive, also very intelligent, but not as sociable. A typical lad as a boy, but quickly develops into a colder, very ambitious, very controlling, more uptight character than his older brother. His credentials are perfect, his personality and behaviour are not. Has a dark side that only his family is aware of.

Alastair "Al": The youngest, born six years after Campbell. Much quieter and less alpha-male than his two brothers, he doesn't really fit into the family. His brothers tease him as a child, but when they get older Everett looks after him at school, although Campbell just becomes harsher. Likes to read and draw, very sensitive, gets on best with his younger, female cousin (below).

Zara -- Born a couple of years after Alastair, she goes to live with her more privileged cousins at the age of 8 as her mother can no longer look after her. She's fiery, domineering and immediately rocks their very controlled, perfect image of a family. Everett is very protective of her, but she soon proves that it's them who need to be protected from her.

What do you think? Any suggestions / criticisms?

What do you think of my story's ideas : Murder in the Bookstore?

The streets of Stoneyville, Oakgorod are lined with bookstores...and paved with murder.

When she moved to Stoneyville, city slicker Tricia Miles met nothing but friendly faces. And when she opened her mystery bookstore, she met friendly competition. But when she finds Doris Gleason dead in her own cookbook store, killed by a carving knife, the atmosphere seems more cutthroat than cordial. Someone wanted to get their hands on the rare cookbook that Doris had recently purchased-and the locals think that someone is Tricia. To clear her name, Tricia will have to take a page out of one of her own mysteries-and hunt down someone who isn't killing by the book.


Bookstore owner Tricia Miles has put up - and put up with - her uninvited college roommate for weeks. In return, Pammy has stolen $100. But the day she's kicked out, Pammy's found dead in a Dumpster, leaving loads of questions unanswered.