What do you think of my story?
If you're only fourteen, you need to never stop writing. Ever. Here's my two cents; this is a great piece of fiction for a lot of reasons. It has excellent grammar and spelling. The syntax is very engaging. Your vocabulary is admirable and you do a great job of using strong, descriptive, smaller words instead of trying to use bigger fancy ones. Since I don't believe in ever giving just negative or just positive criticism, I have to try and find some sort of thing I think needs fixing, so on and so forth. But really, all I have is this. --First, reading this brought several images to my mind. Eragon, a bit of Harry Potter, Willow (old movie), and some more. I would caution you to be careful with how you proceed as you don't want to appear to be copying those or make it too clichéd. However, I know that is not your intention, and that you probably plan on taking the story in a different direction entirely. So, that's not really an issue. --Second, the only part that pulled me away from the story was the basket. In the beginning it says the woman is carrying a bundle. The mental picture I got was just a bunch of blankets wrapped around the baby, but then suddenly there was this basket and I began wondering where it came from. Aside from those two relatively minor things, I am impressed with your skill. I also cannot give enough praise to the following sentence: "For in her arms lay a beautiful child, with hair as black as the night itself, and skin as bright as the moon." For some reason that sentence really stood out to me and it's just great. The contrast between dark and light, but using two inseparable objects... It's genius and paints a very vivid and captivating image in the readers' minds. Very well done. Your plot sounds very classic and engaging. (Just so you're aware, when I say cliché it's typically not a good thing, but classic is like a cliché that's good.) Finally, just out of curiosity, is Mel short for anything or is her name just Mel? Thanks for the good read. Hope this helps, and best of luck!
What do you think of my story?
Oh wow, that's wonderful. Just asking, did you get Jasper from Twilight? Anyways, here some things you need to work on: You need to use better word choice. Use a theosurous. You have some, but not quite enough. For example, you can change, "Then it got quiet." You could use a connection sentence like, "It was as shushed as a purring kitten." or whatever. And, when you finished your dream saying, "Nothing so I let it go." You could of said, "I tried again, scrambling up to catch just a gasp of oxegon, but sunk in failure." You also have lots of typos, but that's okay because I know this isn't your real copy. Other then that, I seriously want to hear the rest. Can you finish? :) Great story.
Glass Roses-What do you think of my story? Part2?
This is actually part 1. :-) I only meant part 2 as in I'll be posting many stories, but each one (depending on the part) is a different story. Here is the key if you are interested in my stories :) Just plain What do you think of my story? Is- The City of Tomorrow Glass Roses-What do you think of my story? Part 2? is Glass Roses. Trickery in Mintoshie-What do you think of my story? Part 3? is Trickery in Ministoshie. Sorry for any confussion!
A small part from my story is it any good? ?
OKay i really like this and i TOTALY want to read more. no joke, i felt like i was in the character myself. im real picky when it comes to reading. if there isnt anything there to grab my attention i cant finnish it. but this. wow i like it.! DEFFINATLY keep writing if you havnt already. you should probably get this copyrighted just in case someone trys to steal it. Messups. okay so there is this part where its like (What you think you are doing here?” She asked, anger filled her voice. Her strawberry blond hair was dripping wet on the ground. All what I could hear is the drops on of the water on the ground, the whole ground was spinning. ) i think you should chane it to. "What do you think your doing here?" she asked, anger filled her voice. Her straberry blonde hair was soaked and dripping. All i could hear is the tiny drops splashing against the cement below me. I felt like my world was just spinning....d.fahsdfw lol you have to many grounds there, change that up some. like i said ^^ Again like there (Then I noticed something polished in her hands, I gasped. A knife. I felt my stomach twist into pieces, all what I can feel is my heart jump out of my chest I felt that my heart is trying to rip out of my chest. All what I can feel is fear) what if you did. Then i noticed she was gripping something shiny in her left hand. I gasped. A knife. I felt my stomach twist into pieces, it feels like my heart is ready to jump out of my chest. It's time to die, dont be scared. isnt this what you want? my heart was racing faster feeling like the knife was already there when i clearly saw it in her hand. Do you get what im saying. like your using words alot more than once. like Chest and ground ( two examples i noticed) and when you change them you could always just use like synonmysn (however you spell them) to change it but when you do change it, change up some sentence to make it flow better with the new words or details. Goodluck and i really hope this one day comes out onto the shelves!!!!!!!!!
Story Question...Its a part from my story. how does it sound?
It's really good it's just that you're wording needs some help and needs to flow alot more. it's a really goood start but what does samantha have to do with anything not to mention i got a bit lost on the whole 'under water thing' you don't really talk about it. it just my opinion though but anyway you shoud try thuesuras.com
How's my prologue for my story so far?
I'll be honest - what you wrote surprisingly did intrigue me. I want to know more. That's the good part. The bad part is, I kept getting lost in the grammatical errors. If you cleaned those up, I think you'd have a fantastic bit of story and I would love to read more! Good luck to you, writing takes a lot of time and effort, and to tell a story well requires a special talent. I love to see people writing because they want to; for the sheer joy of it - it gives me hope for the future :)
What do you call the part of a story that isn't dialogue?
The parts of a story where someone is talking is called dialogue, right? So is there a term for the rest of it? The parts where what is/has/will happen is being described and what not?
Is my story too similare to "The Hunger Games?"?
the hunger games was a big part of my inspiration, but I'm afraid it will be too similare to get my book published. Is it? And also, what do you think of the part I have now... Today was the day of the Locating. It came up behind me, so fast and so soon. Sixteen years has whizzed by and I had made it, the day of the Locating. I had just woken up and still rubbing my eyes as my dad quietly opened the door to my bedroom. “Hi Ice,” Dad said to me. I had to get the name Ice in favor of my mom who had the name was Glacier. I lived in section one, the Ice Age. Everyone there was assigned a name dealing with the ice age if they liked it or not. The adviser who was assigning names, new my mother, and had assigned me a similar name. My dad’s name was Joseph because he grew up in section three, the Religious section. “Hi daddy,” I yawned. He sat on my bed and hugged me. He knew, too, that it the Locating. I might never see him again if I go to section four, but there are always the lucky ones that get to stay in their own section. “Ice,” Dad began, his voice trembling, “you know that you have trained for this day…and no matter where you go- even section four-that you will be strong enough to survive. I love you, and so does your mother wherever she is.” Mom, I thought. She had me when she was fifteen, but when she was sixteen, located to section four. Dad would always remind me that it was for the best, the Locating. The Earth had become over populated, and the Officials have to relocate every sixteen year old annually so there were enough supplies for everyone. I thought it was sick, ripping minors away from their family. Each section has 100 sixteen year olds exactly. There were two twin children in each family thanks to the Officials, what they call “science method.” Women have to start taking a pill once a month starting from when they are sixteen. My unique family, however, only had one child so we only have 99 children participate in the Locating. Other sections call section one the runt section. thanks for your answer!