Am I wrong for wanting to cut my friends out?
If there’s anything in life I’ve learnt to cherish and treat with topmost priority, is CHOICES. From the moment we came into this world as babies, our list of choices have been very limited. Fate already made the most important choices for us. Not every one believes there is a God, but nobody on earth can deny that no human being on earth was given birth to in adult form. We all came to life in a fragile and vulnerable state so fate was responsible for making all our choices for us.We didn’t choose the day we were born, we didn’t choose our parents and siblings, and we can never choose our children or even the day we would die.That being said, the only people we get to choose to be part of our lives, are our friends and spouses.Let me break this down. Sometimes we make friends unexpectedly and decide to keep them in our lives, sometimes we make friends through our siblings and other friends. While everyone has a different reason for being friends with others, one fact is that whatever special connection is between your friends and their friends may not connect you with them. Sometimes we make friends because they are friends with yours also. But bear in mind that you may not have any common factor at connections joining you together. Now having this category of people around you, can be mentally and emotionally tasking.You need to go back to the drawing board and fix what needs to be fixed. If there’s anything that is a constant reason for stress in the human life, it’s the relationships we have. Now keeping acquaintances you have nothing in common with can be a constant source of frustration.You need to go back and select and discard the excess baggage.Another thing is, life is in stages. Sometimes as we grow, our needs change including the kind of company we keep. This doesn’t mean you are using people it just means you are respecting your own needs in life and doing something about it.Yes it’s perfectly normal to reduce the people who you feel have no impact on your life. As long as you do not do it in a hurtful way, I think it’s totally alright to reorganize and prioritize the people you want to have in your life pending on their effect and role they play. Life could be likened to a train ride, some people are headed to your destination others drop on the way. Only this time you get to decide who is going the 100th mile or dropping on the way.
How do you cut out a common friend from your life totally?
From what I see in the comments, you want an easy way out. I understand, I don't like making waves either, but there's no way you avoiding this person won't eventually be noticeable among your friends. I'm over 50 and one thing I've lived long enough to witness is that, with the exception of maybe one or two good friends, ones social circle will change and evolve multiple times over the years.Some people, especially the deliberate button pushing kind, aren't worth confronting. They are how they are and it's best to move on from that relationship. If the people in your group are okay with how the other person is, then I would rethink them too. Perhaps there's someone in your group who you suspect isn't okay with it and you could splinter off.There doesn't have to be a big announcement or confrontation moment where everyone finds out about your feelings towards this person. You can wean yourself away from this group by getting involved in other social activities. Use politeness and excuses and only continue to hang out with people from that group who seem like genuine friends.Also, try not to 'take the bait'. Everywhere you go in life there will be inevitably be jerks throwing out bait to see who they can harass. Try to ignore bait, change the subject, make a joke, minimalize it, whatever you can do to avoid giving them the reaction they are fishing for.
Sometimes I don't want my friends to succeed - am I a bad person?
I know a good friend is someone who supports you in whatever you do and genuinely wants you to succeed and be happy. With some of my friends, I do, I actually want them to be happy and when they're sad I'm sad too. But with a few of my other friends, this isn't true. The scary thing is, the people who fall into this category are my closer friends. I always compare myself to them. I'm in college, by the way, and I'm talking about my best friends from HS. So if they get a better grade than me, I'll be jealous. If they get a higher GPA, same thing. If they're having better social lives or get better jobs or are having experiences I'm not having (but with I were), I won't be happy for them or be neutral about it, I'll be jealous and be really bothered by it. I don't know why I'm this way, but I really don't like it. When I make new friends who I have a lot of fun with but we're not that "close," then I never get jealous or anything. Just with my really really close friends...
Why do I always push guys away? What is wrong with me?
I know how you feel for I am in the same situation. I actually love men and I have quite a lot of male friends but if it comes to more, I get so scared I can’t communicate to them normally. I feel like they are all going to hurt me and dump me when sometimes I’m not at my best. I have actually noticed that I have started to feel much better since I decided to face my fear of men and open up to them anyway even if it’s painful or looks dangerous. Sometimes I am so scared that I have tears in my eyes but I have commited to trying to trust them more. And it has helped because my relations with men have already got deeper and more interesting and having a relationship already seems possible. So what has worked for me is trying to trust people more and get to know them and also trust right people with some deeper knowledge or vulnerable facts of yourself. Of course it’s better to be generally positive and not pour negativity all over but sometimes it’s a good idea to open up.Also, how is your relationship with your dad? This may be the source of the problem. If a girl feels absence of her dad in her childhood, it often build subconcious trust issues and it may be hard for these girls to form healthy relationships with other men later on because she feels they are going to leave or betray her, like her father. This is often on a subconcious level, on the surface the relationship may seem okay. A violent father may cause the same problem.Also, you may have has earlier bad experiences with other men which have made you mistrust them.Whatever it is, I hope you are going to find the solution and wish you all the best! :)Helena
Why do I push people away whenever I feel myself getting close to them? Is there something wrong with me?
Okay, so, this is just a theory……perhaps you have a fear of abandonment, and so, you don’t want to risk letting people get close to you because you can’t be sure that they will stick around. This is common when parents have been absent in childhood, or when you’ve been let down.You build a wall around your heart because it’s a form of control and is less painful than being abandoned or let down again. You pull away when you want to and sometimes even self-sabotage the relationship.In some situations, you can actually subconsciously seek relationships with people who are either physically or emotionally unavailable as it gives your brain a logical reason as to why they let you down (because they weren’t really available in the first place).At the base/root of the fear is a low self-esteem or feeling that you aren’t worthy of someone’s full attention and love. You pulling away, or pushing away controls the situation and proves your belief that you are unworthy as being true, because no-one ever stays with you.The only way to move forward (if my theory is true for you), is to build on your self-esteem, heal this fear and begin to love yourself. Otherwise, you will always want to pull away (and hurt yourself) before risking being hurt by the other person.
My friend wants to commit suicide and i told her parents but she got angry at me. Am I wrong for this?
For the past few days, my friend was extremely depressed and we was saying how she wanted to end it all. She's been depressed before but I've helped her cope with all of her problems but this time when I try helping her, she wouldn't accept it. Instead, she just pushes me away because she doesn't want me to be hurt as bad when she actually kills herself. (Not that it'd make a difference) I try asking her if we could talk privately but she makes up any excuse she can think of not to talk to me and just wants me to leave her alone so i figure that she really doesn't want me there for her anymore. We've known each other for a long time and we've had so many good times together but it doesn't seem to matter anymore to her. I decide to get her parents involved by calling and telling them that she's depressed and suicidal. Literally moments after this, my friend calls me saying how she just cant cut me out of her life so she offers to talk to me later. I then told her that i told her parents about it, and she became furious at me saying how I betrayed her. She told me how she thought she could trust me but now there's no one she can trust because I told her parents. I honestly thought she'd cut me out of her life for good but she ends up talking to me and hinting that things would get better again, but now things are even worse for her since she didn't want her parents to know and they're being overprotective of her. She said I've should have known that she wouldn't kill herself. I'm just really confused right now.. Am I wrong for doing this?
How do i get more girls in my life?(not nessecarilly dating)?
i have had no friends that aree girls and i am 17, i never kissed a girl, or had a gf, i never had any friends that r girls, im a cool guy, but i dont know why girls are repelled by me :9 i feel like **** these days cause all my friends have gf and i dont, im lonely, i really just want a friend thats a girl that im close with, why is it soo hard? in class i dont sit next to any girls :/ and its hard for me to start up convos with them, and i also am a really bad texter, cause i feel like i dont wanna mess up in a convo
How do I stop pushing people away because of my depression? They are very kind but I always feel that they deserve a better friend than me.
Imagine you were playing a sport for your college team. Your college is playing the final match of a major tournament and your team loses.You know you put your heart in the game and so you feel dejected and sit in the corner. In the meantime, your team mates have got over the loss and come to you, try to lighten your mood. This gesture cheers you up and also, unconsciously develops your fondness for your teammates.If you react in a hostile manner with your teammates when they come to lift your spirits, they will wonder what is wrong with you and will, unconsciously make them develop a sense of aloofness, for you.Your situation is just like the above situation.Your depression is the dejection you are facing in this 'match' of Life and you pushing your friends away is you being hostile to your teammates in the example above.You should try seeing the good in the efforts they make to make you feel better which will, in fact, act as a remedy for the depression.As far as them deserving a better friend is concerned, you should try and understand the other things which make people connect with you and make them want to spend time with you, even though you keep trying to push them away.This will help you understand the good things about yourself which will, in turn, make you feel good about yourself and help you overcome your insecurities.Hope this is relevant. :)