Are We Ready To Have Children

Why do people have children when they aren't ready for them?

So many reasons. Here's some of my favorites over the years: I was drunkThe withdrawal method worked in the pastI figured why use  a condom, when am I going to be in  (location X) again? I don't like using condoms.I don't believe in birth control. Our relationship was falling apart so we thought kids would give us something to focus on.I felt abandoned in the relationship and thought a child would help me feel less lonely. Tax incentives. No reason at all, a life given to entropy.The list goes on and on. The sad thing is it's hard to say when anyone is really, ready for children. My wife and I waited until we were in our 30's, had stable income, home, and family close by. After a series of health issues with our first born, I got my ass handed to me. Clearly I wasn't ready for this kind of agony.  I am wondering, who would be ready for that? Is there a test I could have taken? Something to assure me that when our world went upside down I would have what it took to keep us safe and whole? No. The fact is you can never be "ready" to have children. There is always something that is going to happen which will either force you to grow or turn you into a bittter, broken thing that inflicts pain on those closest to you.

How do I convince my husband that we're ready for a child?

Let's rephrase slightly. How can I prepare my husband and I to be ready to have children?Do NOT nag or badger you husband.  AT ALL.Help your husband finish his pre-kids bucket list - get a promotion? Vacation to some exotic location?  Run a marathon?Hang out with other (happy) couples that have young kids.  Go to dinner, go to the park or the beach together with their family.  Get a dog.  In my circles this is commonly recognized as a practice baby.Move to a family friendly neighborhood.When looking for a new vehicle, pick one that is child friendly.When budgeting together (you DO budget together don't you?), start discussing how you will someday cover baby expenses.  Use the preamble "I know we're not ready yet, but..." [lets increase our emergency fund, lets try to live off one salary, lets try to set aside how much monthly childcare would cost, etc.]Talk to your doctor about what you should know before you are ready to start trying. ie. starting a multivitamin, how long do you have to wait after stopping your current birth control, etc.  If you are of an age where the doctor brings up concerns about fertility, higher risk of birth defects, etc, this is a legitimate subject to discuss with your husband.Get your wills done.Start discussing kid issues in non-pressure ways.  "Did your parents spank you when you were a kid?  I've been reading about it and I think other discipline methods would be better." or "My friend so and so says the local schools aren't very good, she and her husband are thinking about private school.  Maybe we'll want to move to a better district before we have kids at school age."  Try to find issues your husband is interested in so he can be engaged in the conversation also.Best wishes!

My wife wants an abortion of our child because she’s not ready, but I completely disagree and want to have the baby, how do I convince her otherwise?

I believe the woman in the relationship should have most the say in what to do with a newly conceived baby. She's the one who will have to carry and birth the child.Abortion gets a bad rap, but I like to look at the facts. A fetus isn't a baby until it has a brain. If it doesn't have a brain it is nothing more than a mass of cells. Many would disagree claiming "all life deserves a chance", but every who says that is a hypocrite. A female loses eggs on a normal basis as they expire and are replaced. A males sperm cells die and are replaced just the same. If you truly believe in the statement above then you'd spend your entire life being pregnant or impregnating females lest the cells in your body expire.So the question is, if you'll let the cells that could become a baby die, then what's so wrong with doing that after they've started their job?A cell is a machine. It doesn't care whether it lives or dies, nor does it feel, it doesn't wish or want, it exists to do one thing and it will do it until it dies.So no, your not killing a baby, human, or anything that cares if you stop its job. You're no more killing a child than when your simply not trying for children and the cells expire.Armed with this knowledge you must simply ask yourself "are we ready for a child?" And more importantly "is she ready for a child?"

How / when did you know you were ready for kids?

I got married in 2010, Initially for a year my husband I wanted to enjoy our new life.Later we were living in separate cities as our work demanded that. After two years, we slowly began to think of starting a family.I was (I still am, a little) a very career oriented person . Though I wasn’t in a very big position or anything, I loved my job. I had a good manager , a challenging role , in short everything was good professionally.But, I dint know if I was ready for a child yet. I thought that it was time to focus on the career and make big bucks so that whenever I have a kid, I will be able to provide well for the child.My husband tried to move to the city I was living, but for some reason it dint work . Then I thought I’ll try to move to his city, took a month off from my work (I was in bench pool) to look for opportunities in the city he was living.One of our lovely friends invited us to stay with them so we stayed in their house during that time I was searching for a job.They had a 6 month old baby boy called ‘Praddy’. He was the one who changed my mind. I’ve always liked babies and have played and enjoyed with many of them in my life before.But this experience with praddy was wonderful in a different way. In my mind I was evaluating myself as a mother. Understanding what it takes to have a child.I realized that though having a child can mean a lot of responsibility like, keeping up with a schedule , having a proper plan , Juggling work at home etc. , it is also a pure and rewarding experience.When I was with him playing, sometimes while changing diapers, feeding him food (His mom did all of this the whole time, I was just a tag along), I realized how blissful it was to be around a child. I used to miss him while he was sleeping.I applied for jobs during the day and rest of the time I was with praddy.I was working on a visa and the company could not extend my time on bench. Things were becoming worrisome. But being with Praddy made up for all the stress. He was my stress-buster.In that one month, my job search ended unsuccessfully, but the biggest surprise from god was waiting for me.After a few weeks I found out that I was pregnant ! And by now, I was physically, mentally and emotionally ready to welcome my munchkin !I quit my job, took a break for a while, then got back to work a few years later.Being a mother for me, has been the most exhilarating experience in my life so far :) Its definitely not overrated !

When did you know you were ready to have a baby?

I was about to turn 25. I had a nursing degree, been married for almost 2 years, and we’d bought our first home. I felt my biological clock ticking. My husband played guitar in local bands so going out and drinking was the norm for us. Then it stopped being fun. Drinking wasn’t fun anymore and it hurt a lot more than it used to when we were younger. I wanted to just be home with my husband. I wanted a family. I wanted to make our house a home. So we stopped going out and stopped drinking. We discussed having a baby and decided we were both ready. I’m not sure exactly what changed my mind about having children but it felt like a switch just flipped and turned on my mom gene. It was the best decision I’ve ever made. I have two beautiful daughters, I’m completely enjoying motherhood, and seeing the father my husband is makes me love him to an extent I never dreamed possible.