12 Year old niece won't bathe...?
I have a 12 year old niece on my husbands side who has been home-schooled by her grandmother all her school years. She was abandoned by her parents (her father is my husbands brother) when she was 5 mos. old and has been raised by her grandparents (my in-laws) every since. She is now 12 years old and she has horrible hygiene. She will go days without taking a shower or brushing her hair. She has very think hair that tangles very easily. My husband and I are very close with his parents and therefore we do a lot with her. She goes to Sunday School every week and usually my husband or myself goes and picks her up and takes her. Last Sunday, I took her and when I saw her walk into the church, her hair looked like a rats nest in the back. I had not noticed when she was in the car with me. Should my husband or myself say or do something? Just for some insight, my husbands family lives in very filthy conditions. The house is extremely old and they don't take care of it. There's always trash, toys, and clothes on the living room and kitchen floors. Coming from a very clean house myself, I find it hard to walk into this house without feeling ill. His mother is more than able to clean and pick up around the house, but she is LAZY!!! She doesn't lift a finger, but yet thinks she is able to teach a child her education. In my opinion, the house is not suitable for raising children, but that is how my husband was raised and they see nothing wrong with it. I guess if you are around something long enough, anything can seem normal. Since our niece is constantly spending time with us and going places, what can I do to make her understand that she needs to take better care of herself?? Some days the stench is so bad, I have to hold my breath when I'm near her. She is a very touchy child that takes offense to any negative comments so I want to be careful not to hurt her self-esteem.
My sister won't teach my niece to wash her hands OR wipe her butt?
I dont know how old your niece is. But, all kids are different. My toddler is 4 and cant wipe her butt. I always go in with her to do hygiene followup. It is possible your sister knows your niece isn't matured enough to wipe her butt and is believing she will tell any adult every time she got to go OR it is also possible your sister thinks her daughter wipes her butt. Either way, you should let your sister know that she is not following up on hygiene AND either one of you should accompany the toddler until she learns her manners.ALSO tell the toddler to tell you before she goes SO you can help her. I dont think any matured adult will knowingly allow their toddler without wiping their butt. It IS Gross. :)
At what age does it become inappropriate for parents to bathe or shower with their children? Or having them see you naked in general?
As others have said, this partly depends on culture differences, but...It can also depend on other factors. I'm a mother of two boys and two girls. The first boy still took a shower with me when he was three, but it stopped before he was four; I can't remember exactly when. It was my choice, even though there were not issues. (Note: I bathed my infants safely until they could sit up, and then they'd take showers with me. Whereas either my husband and I rinsed them in the shower a few times, we avoided that, since really it's potentially dangerous.)Then my second boy, who is four years younger than the firstborn, showered with me until he was around two. He was simply too curious and touchy. He started bathing with his older brother, but that soon came to and end as well, because he wanted to touch the older brother. So I had to talk to him. I'd have to bathe him separately to get him clean. Besides that, the then six year old boy had already reached the age—for him—at which he didn't want to be seen naked nor wanted to see us that way. The younger boy is now 8.5 and sometimes shows up in front of someone naked and doesn't make a big deal over it. The two girls still shower with me. One is six, and the other is about to turn four. They sometimes take a bath in the garden tub, but they otherwise shower with me. It's no problem. I remember my younger sister and I taking a shower with my mother. No problem. We stopped sometime a few years before our teens. As a teen, my best friend and I showered together whenever we'd spend the night together. No big deal. My girls are beyond taking a shower with their dad, but that was cut off around three. He sometimes showers in the morning, in addition to the regular night shower, and the kids thought it was fun to get in, too. The boys did when they were little, too. They'd sit in there for awhile, then I'd get them out and dry them. I wouldn't see a problem with the boys still showering with their dad, bit neither want to. The oldest is VERY private, lol, and he's every bit as respectful to others' privacy.
My sister lives in a pig sty. I'm concerned for my niece and nephew!?
This is a touchy subject, but you certainly do have reason for concern if not for your sister, then for the children involved. You did right by offering your help,and thats more than most would do. There is one other thing. You said she gets offended easily, have yyou ever went over and not said one thing about the house , or cleaning? She is probably feeling like a very defensive person right now. People that feel this way react in anger or indifference and tend to push others away. The most important thing right now is for your sister to know that youare there for her to LISTEN. mabe she is going through some bad things in her life. Peoples outside surroundings so often reflect who or what they are on the inside. My guess is that she is feeling very mixed up , cluttered , and messy on the inside. Think about it, and try to talk with her and most important --listen with an open mind and heart. Try not to judge her instead praise her for something she does well. Help her build her self- esteem. You'd be surprised at the difference a little kindness and a smile can do.