Should my daughter meet her biological father?
How old is your daughter now? I did not get to meet my bilogical father until I was 37 years old. I do wish I had met him when I was a young girl for many reason. (too many to list) I was raised by another man who I only knew as Dad. So basically I was in the same siutation as your daughter. You know your daughter best. If she is over the age of 10 year I would definately ask her if she would be interested in a "one time meeting" with her biological father. I don't think I would tell her he was sick with cancer though. Give her time to think about it. Just because this man was diagnosed with cancer does not mean he is going to die anytime soon. He could live for many more years. She may say "no" and later change her mind. I would defintely let your daughter know should she change her mind later, just to let you know. She may just want to ask you questions about her biological father. I would not nessesarly answer any questions about your relationship you had with him, but rather more about him specifically. Stick to his physical traits, his interests, hobbies, and the nice things you know about him. If she asked why he's not her dad now, be "softly honest" and tell her he thought your current husband would do a great job. He loves her from a distance so to speak. You and her father can discuss where and how to meet his daughter and subjects that are "off limits" to her. Keep it simple and at a place where if she feels uncomfortable she can quickly walk away and do something else. A park or resturaunt with a play area, be creative. This is what I would do in your situation. Keep in mind, my advice is based on the assumption your child is in the pre-teen stage. 10-12
Would u go to the funeral of your biological father that u never knew?
my mom left her abusive druggie husband when i was 2. Never to see or hear from him again She eventually met someone who not only fell in love with her but with her two small children. Our life growin up was great! my dad that raised me was a blessing! growin up from time to time i wondered about that man that made me but never wanted or needed to find him..why should i if he never looked for us??right! well last week unfortunely we found out he was killed. It was a shock for me to open the paper and see him there. now im conflicted upon the what ifs..! im debating about going to his funeral just to see and find out about his family. My aunt made a couple of calls and talked to his brother and was told that I have a couple of sisters that has always wanted to meet me and that the family would love to meet me and my brother. I just dont want to hurt the man that raised me and loved me. I just think that if he would find out he would feel betrayed. what do i do?
Should I let my daughter meet her biological father now?
That is a difficult situation. This is especially difficult since this would actually be considered a crime in most areas, on his part since you were so young. He knew that. The fact that he was abusive makes it that much more difficult. You might approach it in that you want her to know information about her father, but feel it best that she meet him when she is mature, such as at 18. Explain the details, how it affected you, and the reasons you sought this out at that point. Let her know you don't want that sort of thing for her and feel her knowing about her father is important, and the meeting him when she is an adult will be her own decision. See how that goes. I can see that this could dredge up some difficult emotions for you, since that must have been a difficult time. Hopefully, you feel somewhat "healed" in this time, but that sort of thing can take time, and I wouldn't be surprised if you find you are not quite as healed as you might think. Your daughter needs to understand that meeting her father will affect you, so the way and time it happens will be important to not only her, but to you too. Your daughter is at a very vulnerable age and since this man took advantage of you already, states he was not very stable. Obviously you don't want that sort of attitude brought into your daughter's life. Talk to your partner, but I would try to show her how waiting until she is 18 would be best for everyone in this situation. Your daughter needs more time to mature into a woman before being introduced to this sort of negative situation. She is not old enough to understand the emotions involved in this sort of thing. There may be some sort of support groups for people in this sort of situation. That might be a good place to begin, and let your daughter know you are sorting all this out and will let her know when you are able.