Why do parents spank their children?
I'm a 13 year old girl and i totally hate when my parents criticize me. I think parents need to understand that kids have a mind of their own and if they keep spanking or criticizing their child, the child will hate them. I mean if i was a parent I would talk thinks out with my child and support them in every safe way. I would not lay a finger on them. I know you guys don't care what I say but give me a chance...its from a teens perspective. Also, most of the time, when the parent criticize the child, don't you think when the child goes to school they would be stressed out and fall behind? "God, I'm so stupid my own parents hate me...I give up! i don't care anymore!" I don't think this is fair because, the child is getting bullied at home and at school. This may lead the child to commit suicide. (which IS NOT good)
Are parents disciplining their children?
I saw a question concerning spanking and it got me thinking. In the past decade, there has been much attention paid to spanking children, and as a result many parents have stopped using this as a form of discipline. It seems, however, (through my observations), that many parents take the "do not spank" idea to mean that discipline in general is a bad thing. As a result, it seems to me that many children are not being disciplined. Do you feel that this has become a problem? Also, it seems that many parents are now expecting schools to do more disciplining that was once the realm of the parent. If you think this is a problem, do you feel that it is contributing to this attitude? It's possible that my observations are completely wrong, however I would like to know what other people think on these topics.
Why do some parents hate their children?
There are a number of reasons. Hate is a big word that encompasses a list of emotions. It could be envy, jealousy, distrust, dissatisfaction, personal discovery and shock, resentment and more. We could unpack these:Envy and jealousy - children seem to have more these days. Parents could remember their own youth and childhood and figure they did not have the same money, belongings, attention, schooling, freedom.Distrust - when parents suddenly find themselves caring for teens, they distrust them if they themselves lack the wherewithal to cope. Will the kids prove too much? Will they let them down, be troublesome? Will they be prevented from having a life of their own?Dissatisfaction - Sometimes children can negate everything parents hold to be true. Everything they've based their lives on. When personal tenets are negated, people can feel their whole life means nothing, after all that! So dissatisfaction moves in.Personal discovery and shock - it can be a shock to find out who you are through your children. They make angry statements (I hate you! You're cruel.); happy statements (Love this! Sick!) about stuff parents barely understand or approve of. Some parents believe their children, because they think they've brought them up to tell the truth. So this must be the truth about themselves: they are cruel. They don't understand. They have brought up their kids the wrong way. Ouch.Resentment - when parents have hardly had freedom, joy, love, positive discovery, adventure, happiness... but especially freedom, they resent their children's comparative liberty when it comes to relationships, schooling, belongings, friends, communication ... kids can seem so free, so flooded with stuff. Look at it all - it's possible for all these emotions, or a few of them, to turn into contempt for all the kids represent, rather than the kids themselves, who fade into a representation of what's true, and disappear as people. Parents are really just a package of "grown-up kid", with unresolved problems and issues. And kids make it all worse. Realisation of all this is difficult - and if parents fall in the trap of discussing things with like-minded resentful parents and friends, it's almost un-solvable. They need counselling, with someone who knows what they are talking about.
Do you think its ok to occasionally spank your child?
I do not.But I also challenge you to find real parents - who have been parents for 10 years or more - who haven’t ever spanked their child.I’m against it, I don’t believe it works, I believe it builds fear and distrust into your relationship with your child and I believe we shouldn’t do to our children what we wouldn’t do to our other loved ones. Just because we can spank them and get away with it, doesn’t mean it’s good.All that said and done, I have on occasion spanked my child. From shock - one time she bit me when she was little and I spanked her before even thinking about it. From helplessness and not knowing what else to do - when she just would not budge.These times are few and far between, and honestly, it doesn’t work and gives me a lot of headache because - again - I don’t believe in spanking. It just has zero benefits for me.Side note, spanking is not the same thing as hitting a child, child abuse or beating someone up. In my case it’s a slap on the hand or the bum. It’s not hard enough to leave a mark or cause significant pain. And even then, I don’t believe we should. Anyone willing to cause serious pain to a child should get themselves checked out (and preferably locked up until the urge passes).Other side note, in the same vein, I don’t believe we should spank animals/pets either. ;)
Are parents scared of spanking their children these days?
Time out??? are you kidding? that dosn't work.I don't care what anyone says. I was raise that if I did anything wrong I was punished in the form of spanking. I was spanked and let me tell you, I am very respectful to my parents. Now that i am a parent I understand what they went through with me and I would've laughed in there face if they told me to sit in time out. Children need to be taught that there a CONSQUENCES to their actions and decisions and to me, time out is not a consequence. I'm not afraid to spank my kids and I don't care who knows that I spank them. I don't go around hitting them all day every day but they do get a warning and If the bad behavior continues I will not hesitate to swat them on the behind. I will swat my kid on the behind in the store too for misbehaving. I dare someone to say something. MY KIDS will not be running over me and disrespecting me in public or at home. I do believe that there is a difference between spanking and physical abuse. The line is very thin though. My kids don't go around with bruises but they do have respect for others and thier parents. I think it all depends on how you were raised. I don't have disrespectful and rebellious kids. I feel that because of the discipline techniques I have chosen my kids are becoming well rounded individuals with boundries. You certainly won't find me standing in the middle of the grocery store being talked back to and cursed out my my own children.
Public Education: As a teacher how do I deal with parents who refuse to recognize that their child has special needs?
wowwell, first off, having taught sp. ed. for 20 years, I do sympathise with your frustrationsecondly, I also sympathise with the parents.After having taught for over 10 years, my own son, at 3 years old, was "noticed" by some folks at day care, and a round of doctor visits, specialists, and education people were suddenly in our lives, throwing lots of forms and words and jargon at me... Now, being quite familiar with forms and words and jargon and tests and the bell curve and statistics, you would think that I would have been particularly well equipped to hear the results and recommendations.... you would be wrongafter oh, 2 minutes of 'our tests show....'..... all I was able to hear was "Your Son Is Broken"two excruciating hours of jabber later, they asked me to "sign here"luckily I knew that just because they recommended it, didn't mean i had to accept those recommendations. (Most parents don't really know that)I also, luckily, knew that I didn't have to sign Anything right then....(again, most parents don't really understand that... trusting to the good will and 'smarts' from folks who spoke all that jargon (must be smart if they know all those words, right?) most parents just sign, with out understanding a word beyond "your kid is broken and we want to help, and no, it won't cost you anything".... with no understanding of long term affects (good or bad) and no real understanding that they really CAN refuse, make changes, or delay for further thought... cuz school folks are in authority.... so I said... later... I'll call you .... after i can actually THINK....and leftAfter that, i always sent any paper work home to parents before the IEP, with DRAFT all over it, and had long chatty conversations over coffee about how they really did know their child better than ANY of the experts, and all those fancy words and jargon were just 'that'.... and at meetings i made sure to translate jargon as often as possible, having pre-arranged with the more timid parents, to give me a hand signal if they didn't understand somethingI also limited meeting times to no more than an hour, even if that meant holding 3 meetings for one kid, cuz after an hour, most parents will sign anything just to be able to leave.
Do parents who abuse their children love them unconditionally?
It’s almost an atrocity to bring the phrase “love..unconditional” into a scenario where parents are perpetrators of abuse. A parent who abuses their child(ren) is incapable of any functional form of love, and is putting themselves: their needs, desires (emotional - or physical form of release) above their child.Unconditional love = sacrifice. Sacrifice on part of the parent would be the parent thinking “Hey I’m really angry right now and want to hit you/call you an idiot, but I love you so much I’m going to control/restrain myself, put aside my ego, swallow my pride and anger, and treat this in a grown up, emotionally healthy manner thus putting your best interests before mine - because you are a child in need of support and guidance and I love you.” And consequently, acting accordingly.If an abusive (i.e. dysfunctional) parent is delusional enough to believe they “love” their child(ren) they may in fact “love” something: they love the child’s function of bringing the parent release - from stress, from self-hate, from resentment, from the power trip being an abuser brings.Thus, your question is like asking “Can I have a low fat avocado?” The essential component of avocado is it’s high fat nature, so a low-fat nature will render whatever this new food substance is, to no longer be a true avocado.The fact abuse exists, renders unconditional love impossible.