My brother makes me feel like killing myself?
I'm a girl, 15. 2 years ago, I would literally lock myself in my bedroom and never come out, I didn't really talk to any of my "friends", It was all because I was bullied in school and never really felt like anyone or anything is worth it, but I never told my family or anyone in the school about the bullying thing. In eight grade, when I turned 14, I met some really great people who I'm still friends with, I swear just making new friends boosted my confidence, and I began opening up to people and eventually I became friends with everyone, it was the happiest time of my life. During summer I got a new haircut and the reason I got it was because my favorite kpop idol had that haircut and it looked amazing. My brother didn't "like" my haircut because I looked "emo" and he kind of stopped talking to me after that and we also started fighting a lot. Anyways, when school began(9th grade) everyone at school hated me because of my haircut, I got called emo, people even thought I worshipped the devil even though I'm actually really religious. I got sick of being called emo and goth so I decided to cut my hair again, so I did and it still didn't stop. During spring break, I also cut my hair again just because I wanted everything to stop, it was seriously making me really suicidal. When the second term began, I decided that I'll just be myself and not give a **** about what anyone thought of me and guess what? Just being myself made me 10 times more confident and I literally had 10 tomes the amount of friends I've had my whole life. I was really happy. Yesterday, me and my family were eating dinner and I don't know how my conversation with my brother began but he said that I've changed to the worst over the past 2 years and all. Since I was pmsing I just started crying and stormed out of the dinner room. My brother used to be my best friend when we were young and now my relationship with him, I don't even know how to explain it. It's more like we both hate each other, I honestly want to kill him sometimes or even kill myself because of the things he says to me.
My brother told me that if I killed myself, no one would care?
He went on and on about how I'm 18 and I have no friends, no boyfriend, I don't go to school, am lazy, have no job, and etc... He just kept picking at all the negative things about me--it really hurts. I know it's all true. I don't have trouble making friends, I'm just a very introverted person. This causes most people to give up on me. I don't have a boyfriend because I become too shy and tend to freeze up. I don't go to school because I'm waiting for the semester at college to finally start. And I admit that I'm lazy, I've always been, but I'm trying. I'm really, desperately trying to find a job, any job! But I just can't seem to find one no matter how hard I try. I mean, if it's hard for those who have had years of experience, it's nearly impossible for someone like myself with none. I feel utterly and completely useless. I've never in my 18 years of life thought about suicide(I'm even one those people that are completely against it), but in frightens me that for one single moment, one split second...I actually considered it. It made me realize that if I killed myself, the world wouldn't be losing anything. Just a little speck of dust clogging up the air. I thought for a moment that he's right, no one would care. Even when I told my mother about it, she just said, "Okay, whatever, I'm on the phone. Could you please leave and close the door?" It made me think that by me no longer being here, it would be one less worry for her, one less mouth to feed. It hurts me and brings tears to my eyes as I write this. I guess what I am asking for a little bit of advice or even just some words that would help me get these wretched and unwanted thoughts out of my head. I don't want to feel this way.
Why do I hate my brother so much?
I have the same problem. Its gotten to the point where he makes comments like, you will regret treating me like this for the rest of your life and its not fair that you treat me like this. The only thing I do is give one word answers and not really respond. My reasons for acting the way I do started in middle school. He would steal my mothers quarters and silver change to get sodas at school and blame me for the missing change, I had no proof that I could use to prove my innocence so I let it go……. this happened at least twice that I can remember. Literally 10 years later I learned that he was coming into my room at night and stealing my debit card. This freak would withdraw money from ATMs and put my debit card back in the morning. He stole at least 300 that I have found so far. Apparently he made a bad investment, he also sold the Wii among other things. When I try to talk to my mom about this she defends him. Now its 2 years later, he goes to work and comes home to smoke weed. He leaves his laundry on the floor in the bathroom instead of using the hamper which is right next to the washer, he does not do any chores, he thinks cleaning up the kitchen means putting everything in the sink and waiting for it to magically disappear. I can no longer talk to my mother about this problem because she will say he does what I tell him to (when pigs fly) and I don’t want to talk about this anymore. The frustration has built up inside me sing I was 12 (Im 26 now) Im not sure what do do about this now. All I can say is that I have no love for this pot head residing in the room next door. All the advice I can give to you is to:A. Talk to your parents in a very adult manner, give them a impression for concernB. Get therapy (Its all I got right now)
I caught my brother having sex with MY blow up doll!?
(gasp) the blow up doll cheated!!! Get another one.