What should we expect for a Home Study for our adoption?
My husband is doing a step parent adoption for my daughter from a previous relationship. We were informed that a Home Study was needed by our attorney, but he didn't really explain what that was...what are they looking for in a home study? Just to see what our house looks like? Are they looking for a pristine, crystal palace or should we leave our home at it noramally is (clean and sanitary, but of course we have 3 kids, so rarely is it magazine perfect) Just wondering what specificaly we should expect
My daughter found out she was adopted on Facebook!Now what?
I agree that adoption works best if the child know the facts. Since it is impossible for everyone to keep this secret. And it seems the truth comes out at the worst time - when the kids are teens. Hopefully she will understand in time that you wanted her to have a normal childhood. That your true motivation wasn't selfish but for her best interest.
Why do adopted children sometimes feel anger rather than gratitude towards their adoptive parents when they find out they were adopted?
I am the mother of an adopted child - she is my niece. She came to live with me when she was 4 years old. Why? Because her mother suffered from a raging drug addiction and regularly put my niece and her little sister in danger. Yes, it was a good thing she came to live with me and could be in a safer, more loving environment.Thing is, she was 4. All she knew was that she was suddenly living with me and not her mother. She had never met me prior to moving in with me, so I was a stranger. My sister had long periods of no contact with me so I did not know her children. Why? Because I called social services every time I knew where she was. When she had a momentary bit of sanity she asked me to care for her two girls. I agreed and immediately sued for custody (as I was advised to by social services).Thing is EVERYONE told my niece how lucky she was to come live with me and isn’t she GRATEFUL that she’s not with her mother. But of course she wasn’t - she was scared and confused and missed her mom and was living with strangers. Why on earth would she be grateful? Her life had been hell before she came to live with me - should she be grateful that her life sucked enough to be taken away from her mother? My sister refused to follow the court ordered drug testing and counseling. Should my niece be grateful that her mother choose her drug addiction over regaining custody?I’ve never understood what these children are supposed to be grateful for - they’ve been adopted because someone - 1. died 2. lost custody or 3. gave them up. Would you be grateful for those things happening in your life?The person who should be grateful is the adoptive parents who have been blessed with their children! They get a chance to share their love with a child who desperately needs it. They get a chance to watch their chosen child grow up and they get to have fun and adventures and offer their wisdom to this child who so needed it.Please think about the circumstances that often lead to adoption and please, please realize that it is the adopting parents who are the ones who should be grateful that they have a chance to share their love!
Where /Why have we adopted the attitude of entitlement that has become so prevalent in our society?
Greed, selfishness, the lack of being made to work for what they have. Just to name a few. Really the whole thing began with the breakdown of the family which began back in the early 60's. The kids and young adults of today were never taught to work hard, they weren't taught to have a purpose for living. They were given things out of guilt by the parents who wouldn't stay together for the sake of anyone. It was the selfishness of the parents that led to the uselessness of the kids who are now the teenagers and young adults who think everything should be handed to them on a silver platter but preferably in a silver BMW... These are wide generalizations, not true in every family, but true in too many families, true enough to make us have the mess we have today. Remember everything goes in cycles.
What is the process of placing a child for adoption?
There must be some protocol before a child is placed for adoption, can social services apply for a court order even is the mother is in contact with the child and fights to get him back?
When should a child find out they are adopted? My niece was adopted and my sister told me that she isn’t going to tell her until she reaches her 16th birthday .. I feel she should tell her when she is a baby.
I can guarantee you that telling a sixteen year old is handing them a weapon as they will feel like you didn’t respect them enough to be honest with them. Right when they are in the midst of trying to figure out who they are as people, you throw an obstacle into the mix they didn’t expect. The anger will be significant. If there is nothing wrong with adoption, then why isn’t it all right to tell. Our daughter saw a photo of herself and my wife when she was a toddler and asked why my wife was so happy. My wife replied that it was because she was bringing my daughter home for the first time. “Where was I before,” she asked and she was told that she had been waiting in a special place to be picked up. (the foster home). In time, more questions came as the child grew and wanted more answers. There was a time in elementary school when she was sad about not knowing her birth mother. Whatever our circumstances in life, we all deserve to know the truth for ourselves.