My girlfriend verbally abuses me when she's mad at me, but she truly loves me. So do I. What do I do?
I am sorry to say, but she absolutely does not love you. Anyone who is abusive most likely does not even like let alone love themselves. She is either mentally ill or full of self loathing. Or whatever it is. But she will be unable to truly love you until that's resolved. Whatever she says.I have personal experience with verbal abuse in a relationship, and it can literally drive you in to the ground. It's a horrible situation. I was a different person. I was not perfect, I had many faults but I didn't deserve that.When I pointed out the cycle of verbal abuse, it just went no where, it literally fell on deaf ears. Everything had a retort of something I did, at some point, and it would always turn in to tit for tat and then war.I doubted myself and I grew angry and resentful which just fuelled the fire even more. So I became a part of the cycle. I became someone that wasn't me.By the end my self esteem was shattered and I was not a nice person either. It was the lowest point of my life.But the good news is I eventually shook it off. She went her way and I went mine and by all accounts she is now very happy.I literally felt like I was “coming out”. For the first time in years I could truly, just, be, me. And oh God it felt good.All my health issues disappeared literally overnight. The sleep issues that plagued me for years, gone. Never returned. I feel so much better. I feel like me.So do yourself a favour.Find someone who is more concerned about the future and their personal development than putting others down to lift themselves up.Embrace yourself.Love yourself.Love life.
I emotionally abuse my gf and I need help :(?
Hey there guys, My name is Matty and I need an advice. Well I have a girlfriend and I love her to death and she loves me the same way. She's sweet , beautiful, kind, caring and patient everything a guy can ask for. There's one problem, me. I have anger issues and I can't seem to control it. I easily get angry and everytime I do I can't control it. I start to yell at my girlfriend, call her names, keep going back to the thing she's doing wrong and then start enumerating her faults like it goes from I love you to I hate you, You're my everything to you're nothing, You're my one and only to I can easily replace you. She cries but then forgives me easily and tells me that she knows that I didn't mean anything I said. Even tho she's very understanding words still hurt and I don't want her to get used to this emotional abuse I'm doing to her everytime I get angry. I told her once to go, because I'm afraid I'm one of those people in the cycle of abuse who keeps promising to change but never changes and will probably keep doing the same thing. but she won't go. I want to stop inflicting this mental abuse I always do to her, since she won't leave me I need to stop it myself, I should be the one who needs to break the cycle. It's so embarassing I know and you're probably very angry and irritated at me by reading this but I really need help. Is there any good book you can refer to me that will change me for good (I'm very willing and open). I wanna be a good boyfriend that my gf can tease even when I'm angry and not be scared off. I just need that Uncontrolled angry side of me to go away.
I was abusive to my girlfriend at the time and she left me. What should I do?
In all honesty, you really need to work on yourself first. You are the abuser and it is not your ex girlfriend’s responsibility to go with you to therapy. These are your issues, your problems. By making your ex do therapy with you, you are essentially saying that she is part of the issue. I can tell you right now, she is NOT the problem.Men who are abusive towards women rarely ever want to fix themselves because they find no real fault in their actions. They usually pin their reactions on their partner. Whether it is physical or emotional abuse, or both; either is absolutely unacceptable!Your ex was fortunately a strong enough woman to leave you. She would be smart to stay away. At least until you seek the therapy that you need. You need to figure out why you became abusive in the first place. And how to avoid those kinds of reactions in the future. Maybe anger management would help. But I would suggest seeking professional help, not DIY therapy. This kind of behavior is a very serious problem. You’re really lucky she didn’t press charges, especially if you got physical with her.
My mommy’s issues lead me to hate women and my girlfriend. How do I fix this?
Despite what 3rd Wave Feminism says, women are equally as abusive to men, as men are to women. They just do it differently. I’m sure this is going to bring on a lot of attacks, but that is not why I am saying it. I’m saying it because I am another one who was psychologically abused by women in a very bad way. I don’t hate them, but have been terrified and mistrusting of them. It is taking me a very long tome to overcome the psychological harm that I experienced form my grandmother, my mother, my sister and girlfriends. I had a parade of abusive women in my life.2 female cousins fondled me when I was 6. A woman raped me when I was 19Another older woman used psychological pressure to manipulate me into having sex with her when I was 26My former fiancé pulled a knife on me twice and also used terrible psychological abuse on me. She would take everything that I said and twist it around in her fucked up head until it didn't even closely resemble what I had actually said, and then hold it against me, being angry with me for things she had invented in her own head.Another woman controlled absolutely every detail of my entire life for over a decade. I was not allowed to think for myself in any way. She would actually go out of her way to sabotage anything in my life that she did not approve of.So as you can see, women can be abusive too, they just do it mostly through mind games, and destroy your self confidence and masculinity. I believe absolutely in equality in every way, and the first step in achieving that is to recognize that the abuse is a 2 way street, and always has been. Anybody who believes that that the abuse between the genders is one sided clearly does not know what is really happening.All abuse is wrong and has to stop, not just he male on female abuse, but the female on male too, and until both sides of the issue are recognized, then no change can ever happen.Getting back to your question, you have to do the therapy. You have to heal the harm that has happened to you, and you have to learn to forgive your mother for the harm she did to you. Until you do the healing and the forgiving, you will never be able to trust women. The truth is that there are very many wonderful, loving, creative, funny, intelligent women out there, and until you get the healing you deserve, you will deny yourself the joy of knowing them.Good luck.
My girlfriend resorts to verbal abuse and spitting on me when she is angry. To avoid upsetting her more I don’t say anything back, but it's mentally very disturbing. What should I do?
I see many relationship questions like this on Quora every week:“My boyfriend doesn’t call or text me much anymore. What should I do?”“All my partner and I seem to do is argue with each other all the time. What should I do?”“My boyfriend(girlfriend) seems so distant recently. What should I do?”I always guess that a bad (toxic) relationship is the root cause, but lately I have developed a theory on the basic cause.Many decades ago when people dated, many of them actually made it to their honeymoon. For those that started early, they were usually is a serious relationship or engaged before they started sharing one another.A couple of decades ago when our sons were starting dating, especially in college, young people often were in bed together by the third date. I’m not saying that is bad. The problem is that God (or mother nature) designed human sex as a very powerful bonding experience that works great for holding marriages together. But when a young couple starts out having sex too early it becomes so “bonding” that they overlook many issues that really make them not a long range compatible couple. They exist in a toxic relationship based (loosely) on good (or OK) sex. When they are not in bed, the relationship is not good. Thus, we end up with Quora relationship questions looking for help.I say all this for those couples where this might apply. Do you really have anything “solid” in your relationship other that the sex part? If the honest answer is “no.” Please consider calling it off and move on. Life is too short for toxic relationships.
Concerned about my girlfriend's mental health?
She's oversensitive because she feels threat in whatever she perceives as something that could inflict bad emotions so it makes her defensive and nervous. She seems to have a lot of depressive emotions and doesn't want to let anyone try to make it worse. The depression could not only make her look at the world as a bad place, but herself as a bad person. I was exactly like this in my depressive episodes before I was diagnosed bipolar. I lost many relationships cause I'd always get mad for the littlest things, I was getting into oxycontin and cocaine, overwhelmed with anxiety and fear of everything that I'd lose it all and break everything and start punching my face or slamming my head on the wall. She may look like she's trying to get back at people with the self-harm, but it could also be a defense mechanism to get people to not want to cause her anymore pain or it could be a cry for help. Definitely look into getting her help before she gets worse. Getting help even if from therapy and medication is very very beneficial. Can be life saving. It sounds like depression. Don't take it personal, you didn't cause any of it for this is a serious medical condition. Be there for her because she needs support right now and if she ever loses her temper with you, know that sometimes it's her disorder taking the reins and talking for her, not her real personality. When it's a disorder, there's no way of controlling these issues immediately, it's an altered state of mind living inside of you. She definitely appreciates you even if she may have a hard time expressing it right now. You're a strong and great boyfriend for staying with her through this. Mine left me in the end haha.
Is it possible to "save" my emotionally abusive girlfriend?
No, you cannot save her.It is possible for people to change, but there are two vital things you need to remember about that. First, you can't change her. I'm going to repeat that in all caps. YOU CAN'T CHANGE HER. If she believes that her behavior is destructive and wants to change, then she may be able to modify her behavior with time and therapy, but that's completely out of your control. All you can do is support her IF she decides to do so. Whether she does or not, it's not in your hands.Second, because it's not under your control, you cannot operate under the assumption that she's going to change. Taking part in a relationship under the assumption that your partner will change is one of the dumbest (and most common) relationship problems around. Continue this relationship if, and only if, you care about her enough that you want to be with her exactly as she is. If all the wonderful things you say about her are worth the bad times, then go ahead and stick with it. But don't continue on the hopes that what happened won't happen again. The tiny caveat is that, if she promises to change, and you can see her really working at it, you can keep things going in the short-term, but that sounds like a pretty unstable relationship to me.If you really find her behavior to be abusive, then staying in a relationship with an abusive person is a very bad idea. I get that it isn't entirely her fault. But you can't change what happened in her past, and you don't deserve to be punished for it, which is exactly what's going to keep on happening. If she can heal, then that's something she has to do for herself, once again, you can't make it happen.Do you or do you not want to be with her exactly as she is right now? That's the only decision you have to make.