How should I deal with my father-in-law's excessive interference and domination over my personal life and marriage if my husband supports him instead of me?
Such a great question!It can be really hard when we have a father-in-law that is overstepping boundaries and getting in between you and your relationship. As a result, this can cause a lot of tension and arguments in your relationship.When we first think about getting married, the idea of joining two families together is very exciting. You can't wait to say "I do" and officially have new parents who you want to call "mom and dad".Unfortunately, not everyone is able to experience a joyous blending of two families and often find themselves frustrated and angry at certain aspects and interactions with their in-laws. This can be very hard to deal with, and disappointing.When in-laws start to become a negative aspect of your life, that is when it is getting toxic. Relationships with in-laws are quite complicated. Every family is different in terms of the type of relationship people have them, but the idea of acceptance seems to be common throughout.If people have good relationships with their in-laws, they should consider themselves lucky! However, that’s not the story for many people.It’s important to be able to spot the signs of having toxic in-laws so you know how to address the issue.Signs of Toxic In-Laws1. They are overly involved in your decisions2. They try to turn you and your significant other against you3. Your privacy as a couple is not respected4. They say negative things about you to your significant other5. They ignore you6. They make insulting commentsHere are some solutions on how you can manage your in-law:1. Always remember that you and your significant other are a team2. Both you and your spouse address issues to your own parents; don't confront the in-laws3. Take appropriate space when needed4. Set boundaries5. Don't insult your in-laws in front of your spouse; be respectfulNo matter what, it’s important to remember that you and your significant other are a unit, and should be united together as your own family. It’s important to take care of yourself if you have an in-law that is causing frustration, which ultimately helps protect the relationship from harm that could arise if you did not take steps to address it appropriately.I actually created a video related to your question. I think it will be helpful in terms of going into detail about ways you can manage your father-in-law. Feel free to check it out when you get a chance. :)
How to handle an inappropriate father-in-law?
My father in law makes me extremely uncomfortable. I am not a person to have strong negative feelings toward anyone, but I want to throw up whenever my father in law is in the room. There have been several incidents that have made me feel this way 1. When I first met my father in law, he tried to kiss me on the lips. Even when I moved my head to the side, he went for the lips. This is not a family culture thing--my husband admits that his family typically only kisses on the cheek. 2. My father in law tried to break me and my now husband up. He told my husband that he wasn't good enough for me and that he should leave before he gets his heart broken. 3. My father in law is extremely obsessive. He would get upset (early in my now husband and my relationship) when I would send my now husband presents and letters, and nothing for my father in law. It got so bad that my husband confronted him about it. My husband later told me that he thought his dad was oddly "jealous" or something. 4. My husband has felt the need to put up strict boundaries as far as when and under what circumstances his dad is allowed to communicate with me. 5. My father in law tried to put his face in my cleavage once when he hugged me, and he often corners me demanding hugs when visiting. His hugs always make me uneasy. 6. From the very beginning I have had "vibes" about him that make me just want to run away. My husband has been very supportive for the most part, but we have one sticking point: I cannot stand even being in the room with my father-in-law and the thought of him being with my children (we plan to get pregnant soon) makes me sick. He is extremely obsessive with his one other grandson and my husband sees him as being "a loving grandfather", I see him as being a potential child molester. How do I navigate the waters of dealing with my father in law given that I will be having children soon?
My father inlaw is always putting me down...help?
Sweetheart, you are totally right. Your father n law has NO right to treat you that way and NO one on this earth would scream at my kids...over my dead body. You don't need to feel bad about not seeing him and if he screams and treats your kids that way, I'd not let them go either. If your husband has a problem with it, TOUGH. He should be a man and stand up to his dad and tell his dad to respect his wife and children or there will be no relationship, it's UNCALLED FOR! I would not stand for any of my family disrespecting my spouse or children. Your husband may have to see them, but he has to live with you, tell your husband to get some balls...And, he doesn't have to disrespect his dad to let him know either, all he has to do is respectfully say...Dad, respect my wife and children or we will not be coming anymore...end of story. Don't you dare let any of them guilt you for doing what you are doing, I think you are doing the right thing.
Why are mothers-in-law so annoying?
I am sharing my experience here.I always observe my mother in law's and my mother's behaviour.I think a lot about it because I am really confused why they behave like this.I do believe “ that everything happens for a reason” and I find out the reason. Hurry… hurryy……Women in general are frustrated.They pass all the sufferings to you and they find happiness in seeing you (daughter-in-law) suffer.Actually its not their fault.They have no guts to show their pain to their loved ones(child and husband) and these loved ones are least bothered about how “SHE” feels.The statement is controversial but it's truth “ Men are silent killers”.And we women are “barking dogs who seldom bite”.Think when women marry,what she gains and what she has to give.You can count it.Iam sure gains are less compared to lose.Men in other hand gain a lot.Women's responsibility after marriage1.Cook food for husband and family2.Respect and obey his family3.Sacrifice her ambition(because of workload, less time compared to men)4. Look after her baby(less time less progress on her career)5. Critizing Mother in law ( which is impossible for a man)Note the point - mothers (both your and his)criticize or compare you more than him.Why???If they say something to him he can atleast reply.What about us women???Sacrifice,Sacrifice,Sacrifice .That's the condition of the female.Women have been conditioned to sacrifice for centuries.A famous quote.So after all the sacrifices they had done to their son and family.When they see you happy without any pressure(or responsibility)as they used to do at your age.They find themselves as fools and try to annoy you because they are frustrated.But they are less harmful compared to father in law's.Men know how to manipulate women.Men give key and women play.Iam sure you too are going to be a annoying mother in law to your future daughter in law.Not only you me too.This mother in law ,daughter-in-law problem is continuing for centuries.
Abusive Mother-in-Law and Sister-in Laws?
My mother separted from her husband immediately following my wedding (within a couple of months ago) and moved in with us (my husband and I). My father-in law has a very bad reputation among people that we know (he allegedly had an affair with a younger woman) and basically is very uncivilized. My mother-in law went into depression and took it out on me. She could not stand to see me get close to her son. She sarcastically makes fun of me (including in front of others) and tries to look better than me and compares herself to me (physically and intelligence wise) to my husband. She wears the same style clothes as me (colors, fabric; kinda weird don't you think considering i'm more than 40 years younger than her). Mind you, I have not said anything rude to my mother-law. Also, my sister-law (one of two) also recently separted from her husband and came over to my place to visit. She basically acted like a control freak and a tramp (trying to be sexy around her brother..there is more ....
Mother-in-law problems during pregnancy *Sorry kind of long*?
My mother-in-law has had it out for me from the very beginning and i've learned to just deal with her. My husband and i have been together over 2 years and she just won't quite. He was married before and has 2 children with his ex-wife. His ex-wife isn't a wonderful mother by any means and has taken complete advantage of my mother-in-laws love for her grandchildren, by dropping them off at any time she pleases as if it is her personal baby sitter and giving my MIL a sob story about how she can't do it without my husband and wants him back. Well anyway my hubby and i found out we're expecting a little boy and when we told his family everyone was soooo happy for us except of course his mother. all she could say was you all are so stupid. Well as time has progressed it hasn't gotten any better, but now she won't say anything in front of her son, she says it when i'm sitting there alone. Like when we visited yesterday she was ranting about the ex-wife and how she's always dropping the kids off and trying to get rid of them, i just sat there and watched tv partially listening to her and then she looks right at me and goes oh don't worry it wont be much longer you'll be doing the same thing trying to get rid of the kid whenever you can, you're not the type of person that will be able to handle being a mother. She has never once asked how the pregnancy is going, unless i'm speaking with my father-in-law and she shots in a nasty comment. my hubby has told her more than once that she needs to leave me alone, but now it's just to the point where i blow up on her cuz i can't deal with it anymore, when she made the comment yesterday i told her she wouldn't have to worry because i would never allow her to watch my son, and that i wouldn't ask her for a damn thing, which i have never done to begin with. I just don't understand what the hell her problem is and i don't know what to do about it. It's not like i can avoid going over there because my hubby wants to visit with his father who is a wonderful man and his 2 younger sisters. Any advice, i'm down to the point where i won't go with him or i'll sit in the car and then he gets upset because he feels rushed and i want him to spend time with his dad because he isn't in the greatest health right now. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
If my mother-in-law verbally attacks me and my husband promises we'll leave next time, is this ok?
Your mother-in-law has no right to treat you like that. Your husband should be standing up to her and also to the promise he made to leave when she starts in. Does his mother treat him like that? Did she treat you like that before you became ill? Some people don't believe that a person is ill just because they may look "OK". I don't know what kind of chronic illness you have but I would gather as much information as I could on it and see if she would read it. I too have a chronic illness and look "ok" but my husband's mother just doesn't want to hear about it, but she doesn't treat me mean. If your husband is being a "chicken" about standing up for you there may be two (and more) options. Next time don't go with him when he goes over there, or if he refuses to leave and you are able to drive just take the baby and go home. I agree, I would not want my child to be around someone who is verbally abusive and drunk. Out of curiousity does your father-in-law do ANYTHING when she acts like this? Maybe you can talk to a pastor or counselor to see what they would advise. They may be able to tell you how to make her back down. I would make your husband go with you. Good luck I hope you find a solution. Sharon
Please help with 12 year old behavior problems. kinda long sorry!?
You Must LOVE Daddy an Awful LOT! WOW! First of all, where did you get the Idea that spanking her is Illegal? Beating a child IS Illegal, but a Good Old Fashion Butt Spanking IS as Legal as the day is LONG! This girl has some Major issues obviously and one of those Issues is she knows she can BULLY YOU TWO! She has been allowed to get out of control all of her life and now it won't be easy to regain that control but it is doable...She MAY have mental Issues since you said her Biological Mother has them...BUT even if she does people with Mental Issues have to have Structure,Guidance,BOUNDRIES and Focus...SHE has none of these things...PLUS she Knows you both are afraid of her. Time to PULL OFF the Kid Gloves and DEAL with this kid...When she gets out of control her Father needs to SPANK HER...let her call the Cops..they won't do anything..they MAY come and investigate and talk to you and her dad...that's the time you give them YOUR SIDE of the Story of this Out-Of-Control Kid you are trying to get back in control...THE POLICE are SICK of dealing with these kinds of kids that have never been disciplined and as long as you are Discipling and not BEATING they will tell her..."Guess you should have listened to your parents"...THEN when they leave (the POLICE) she gets another spanking for calling them. This girl does have issues...BUT most of all SHE IS A SPOILED BRAT!
Why don't most of the girls want to live with their mother-in-law and father-in-law?
Which girl wants her entire life to be scruntinized and analysed by her in laws? No girl wants to be disciplined and told how to behave. The same way no man wants to be disciplined by the parents of his wife.i live with my in laws and it is sheer hell and torture. They make insensitive comments about my looks, my family, my background and what not. My MIL and FIL keep adoring their son and daughter and I am left to sit all alone and watch them enjoy.i am not allowed to talk to my parents. I am constantly told that my parents are not good enough.My MIL eavesdrops on my conversations.My SIL is the devil incarnate. She shouts and yells at me and makes me cry.My hubby is a spineless man who doesn't do anything to support me.I am not allowed to sit next to hubby during family outings. only his mom is allowed to do that.MIL sleeps in the same room as us.FIL never knocks before entering the room. It is extremely embarrassing.SIL goes through my cupboard and examines my clothes.SIL’s daughter spends all her time in our room. So we end up losing any privacy that we could get.hope these basic reasons are enough to give you a hint that many girls in India don't prefer living with their in laws. I think men should make it clear before marriage so that the girl can decide if she wants to live in a joint family or not.