He Wants Me To Live What Will I Do

My father kicked me out when I was 18, now he wants to live with me instead of going into a retirement home. What should I do?

Whatever you want.That’s what he did.Now, if he kicked you out with warning, and with the intention of helping you take control of your life, if it was not going well, and you were being really immature, and getting kicked out did the trick, then you might consider that he did help you.On the other hand, if he was just tired of being a parent, he knew you were not ready, and you spent years recovering from suddenly becoming homeless, then you might consider whether or not he is just a narcissist.Do you have a good relationship with your father now? Is this something you would like to do for him?If so, get a contract written up, and make it clear that your agreement to let him move in with you does not imply that you are taking him in permanently, and that you make no promises of the level of support you will offer. That like him, you retain the right to kick him out.Do you not have a good relationship with your father now? Well, then having him live with you is unlikely to improve things.Finally, consider your life in ten years. Then think about how you will feel if you deny your father, and his life goes down the toilet, but you get to live freely. Then think about how you will feel if you accept your father, and he pulls your life down the toilet.No, those aren’t the only two options, but make sure you know how you would feel about those options before you make this decision.I would happily have taken in my husband’s father, as would my husband. But neither of us would ever have taken in his mother.Some parents are burdens, but some are downright toxic. Taking in a relative who is a burden can be the right thing to do, under certain circumstances.But the only circumstances described in this question, is your father wanting to avoid living in a retirement home.My grandmother lived in one of those. She made lots of friends, and all her meals were cooked for her. She did not want to move there, but once she was there, she appreciated the benefits.If your father moves in with you, other than avoiding the retirement home, what will be his benefit? How will he have a social life? Who will do the cooking and cleaning?Now, if it was a choice between homelessness and moving in with you, that would be something entirely different. But he has a choice.And so do you.

My partner wants me to live with his family after marriage. What should I do?

Unfortunately, it sounds like you may not be able to reach a compromise. As a modern, independent woman you will probably be very unhappy living with your partner's family, which is very traditional. It is a challenge to live with other people even when you share the same values. If you are not willing to be subservient and your father-in-law is not willing to accept that serving men is not your first priority, you will both be unhappy living together and it could take years to resolve. I understand the situation because father came from a traditional home and has similar expectations. Even though I am the only bread winner in my family, work 12 hour shifts, my husband normally provides dinner and my father has lived on his own since I was 3 years old, when he's visiting he'll ask me what were having for dinner when I get home from work, intending that I start cooking something, to which I respond whatever anyone brings me. He has adjusted so that he's not insulted and he has always supported my education and working, but it has taken years to reach a detente and I'm his only child. Unless you're willing to go through years of turmoil and your partner will back you up consistently on not falling into traditional gender roles, moving in with his family is probably a bad idea.

How should a person live his life if he wants to be truly happy and satisfied?

Principle 1Let go of things, let go of people.  The biggest issue with life seems to be the attachment.  No, I am not even talking philosophical.Imagine, how much of relief if it would be, if one doesn't think of the following"How much money I had and how all of that vanished in no time?""How mean of him/her to let go of me to choose someone else?""How bad of them to talk ill of me?""How can they ignore me in the function?""How much I have helped this guy and he didn't even call me?"A lot of the above questions are not rhetoric but lack a fruitful outcome even if you asked it 1000 times.  The only useful thing to derive is "Gone past has gone past"People take help, forget it, leave you, do bad things, all of that happens.  But if you let go of things (and people), you will notice that you are more happier.Principle 2The second part to it seems to be being happy with what you have got.  This is even more tougher as it is difficult to define what is sufficient.  Maslow's hierarchy of needs explains this better and while the bottom 2 in the pyramid are somewhat easier to achieve, the others require economical sustainability that would mean, it is not achieved without money.But if you start chasing the 1st principle, you will get guidance for the 2nd principle too.Principle 3Do a social service.  This doesn't need to be a ground breaking thing.  Even if you are able to provide your old clothes to "homeless" or donate the meal for an orphanage for your/your family members' birthday, that should suffice.Basically anything you do without any expectation (unlike donating money and expecting a tax exemption for that) gives much more happiness.  A sense of belongingness.

My boyfriend wants me to live with his mother once we're married. I've broken up with him even though he says he loves me. Am I being unreasonable?

Hi!I have gone through the answers you receive and while you have received some hateful ones, you did get some rather good answers from David, Madelein and Jonathan. I am an Indian woman ( and from your question I am guessing you are too, or at least Asian), just 2 months into a new marriage and I say this from personal experience of all the negotiations that went back and forth before we took this step.We live in a patriarchal society, where women are expected to completely let go of the life she was before she got married. Although in today's world it is much milder we still see the constant pressure of changing your maiden name/ surname, look married ( which in Hindus would include wearing your mangalsutra, sindoor, bangles and a heavy amount of jewelry), dress conservatively, not drink alcohol and limit parties that you attend, maybe quit your job/ or give up college and the most dreaded: Move in with the in-laws. Let me be clear, that I have nothing against women who are happy to make this change/ upgrade. I, however, am not comfortable being forced to do something I don't like to do.My husband is a rather momma's boy and I knew that a lot of the "requests" that came weren't his idea. Nonetheless, I gave them a fair thought, and only agreed to what I felt comfortable with. It was not easy, trust me, but it is worth having a discussion rather than abruptly breaking up. I had a very simple solution in ours, in a marriage; where we are equals, would he do the same things for me? While he accepted, he gladly would; I kept my surname, dress how I feel comfortable and live life how I did any other day ( for those who may argue, I never did support philandering, not before marriage and definitely not after). I have never lived with my parents since the age of 10 (boarding school and then college etc.) so living with anyone else's parents was plain absurd for me, unless if they were terminally ill and needed a caregiver.So discuss with your partner what are you both comfortable with, a few sacrifices will have to be made from either side. Loving him is a totally other thing. If he respects and loves you in a way that you are meant to be together, he will understand your need for individuality. Don't hurry into breaking up, if you truly love him, give him some time to understand your reservations.