What are some childhood memories that still affect you today?
Having the memory of standing in my parents house (which I grew up in from birth) and crying out the window saying I never ever wanna leave this house, I was about 8. I'm 25 now and they decided to move about a year ago, it hit me so hard and upset me so much b/c of this particular memory, even though didn't live there anymore it was like a security thing for me, very sad, almost like I'd failed my own promise as a kid.
How do I deal with an abusive childhood memory? I chose to forget things and keep it sealed, but it bothers me a lot when I am emotionally down.
I did the same thing for many years. I chose to forget and repress the memories I had of my childhood. However, in the end you can never truly forget what happened to you.I was physically and emotionally abused by the one person in my life who is supposed to be there for you no matter what, and my other parent new what was going on and chose to continue with their new life and family. My sister and I were totally left to fend for ourselves. She is physically and mentally handicapped so she became my responsibility at the ripe age of 9.Drugs have a way of changing people into monsters. I have been a victim of that change. Eventually, there will come a time in life when you have to decide if you want those memories to define who you and stay a victim, or do you want to become more than your past and do something in spite of them. You can draw enormous strength from those memories and allow them to drive you to become better than you ever thought. I take those memories now and use as a strength in my parenting and life. I will never do to my children what was done to me. I will never allow my children to experience the pain I have. I have bettered myself and accomplished more than anyone ever thought possible and it is because I refused to allow them to control me anymore. I became the first in my family to ever graduate college, gain a career and have a lasting healthy marriage. I became more because I finally refused to be their victim anymore.You have more strength in you than you can imagine. It's just up to you on how you choose to use it. I hope this helps!! If you have any questions feel free to ask.
What are the after effects of child abuse?
Everyone is different and it effects everyone differently. I know some people who have been abused who have grown up and used it as a positive thing to help them help others, do good in life etc. Then there are other people who have gone into drugs, alcohol, developed a mental illness. It all depends on the person. I myself was sexually abused as a child which I repressed and "forgot" about until I was 17. I was emotionally, psychically and verbally abused everyday at school by bullies and my parents emotionally abused me at home. It effected me badly, when I was 11 I started to self harm to help me feel better with everything going on, this then turned into depression which I was diagnosed with at 15, I spent 3 months in therapy and then thought i was better. At 17 things got a lot worse so I went back to treatment for 5 months and then left again. The last year at 18 things got the worst they had ever been, I tried to kill myself and was hospitalised and diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder and an eating disorder. The psychiatrist explained my years of abuse is why I had developed these illnesses. I am now on outpatient mental health services and I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well. I am on medication and in therapy. It really depends on the person. I know now after all my troubles with mental health, I have turned it into a good thing and decided that I want to be a mental health nurse to help all those suffering just like I did.
I was sexually abused as a child. Has this affected me in ways I am not aware of?
Maybe. Maybe not. It depends a lot on the type of abuse, whether there was violence involved, whether the perpetrator was in a position of trust, whether you had to live with the perpetrator, how long it went on, whether you still have contact with him, whether you were threatened to keep it secret, whether you responded sexually to the abuse, whether you received favors for the abuse, whether you felt loved and accepted in your family of origin, whether you felt safe and secure as a child, your temperament, your personality type, etc. etc. Not everyone who is sexually abused is traumatized by it, although everyone I’ve met who was sexually abused has been effected by it in some way, but then, I only see people who are suffering, so that biases my data pool.My best advice is not to worry about it. If you do need to deal with some issues later on, your subconscious mind will let you know. Until then, as long as your life is going well, why mess with it? In my experience, many people who have been abused cope fine until mid life, and at that pont, trauma memories start to emerge and need to be processed. The way I understand it, is that until then, people really don’t have sufficient psychological maturity or life experience to deal with those issues in a productive way. There’s no point in trying to be proactive about that, it will happen, if it is going to happen, in it’s own good time. Trust yourself enought to know that if you do ever need to deal with any issues arising from the abuse, you will have the inner resources to do so at that time. Not before. Enjoy your life now, and don’t borrow trouble, is my view.
Do the memories of sexual abuse feel hazy to you?
Obviously the question is directed at those who were sexually abused (inc. as children). Sometimes my memories of these events feel hazy, as if I dreamt them. At an age in life where I didn't know it was sexual abuse. I don't know if my brother or stepsisters remember it ever happening either, and that's make me doubt my memory even more. My Mum calling me a liar when I told her about it made me feel even more insecure. The only thing I know is that one memory is so haunting that I know this pain couldn't be product of imagination. Does anyone who was sexually abused ever feel like these memories are hazy and almost unreal? I'm having lots of trouble coping with the supressed memories these days.