What should a parent do if their teen is self-harming?
My hands were hovering under the hand-dryer in the bathroom with my long sleeved t shirt dangling around my wrists.“You should roll up your sleeves while washing your hands next time.” My mom told me while ambushing me by rolling up my sleeves haphazardly.I flinched in pain and embarrassment, looking down as we stood still in the bathroom. I felt her gaze burning.“Don't do this for attention. This isn't how you get people to notice you.” She said loudly and walked out of the bathroom. I was 13.That was the last time I cut my wrists. I realized how careless I was for cutting myself at a place where it was visible. So I cut my thighs and my arms instead.Then I started getting tattooed instead and I eventually weaned off cutting.My mom never spoke to me about the cutting but every once in a while, she would bring it up saying “You’re just going to be ugly with the scars.” “Do you really think people will care for you more because you demand self pity?”Don't push your kid further by insulting them and belittling them. Chances are, they cut themselves due to insecurities anyway so being a horrible person is not going to stop anything.I'm not sure exactly per se what to do if your teen starts cutting, but definitely do not do what my mom did.
How can I stop myself from doing self harm?
I cut myself until I was 21yrs old. When I stopped cutting, I basically replaced it with alcohol. I had never drank before and whenever the self-destructive urges hit me, I just drank. While I don't recommend this route, I wanted to use it for an example. Whenever you feel these urges, you must satisfy them. But you don't have to cut. I replaced cutting with alcohol, then eventually replaced alcohol with exercise. Not long ago I quit smoking, replaced cigarettes with Xanax and eventually replaced Xanax with writing. Any time you take something out of your life, the best way to cope is by replacing it with something else. Whenever you have an urge to self-harm, don't try to push the feelings away. You cannot and do not want to ignore them. Instead find something productive (preferably not drugs or alcohol) that will replace cutting but still allow you to vent your feelings. Try writing or working out (they worked well for me) ...chopping wood, jogging, talking with a friend, photography, building something like a model plane perhaps or whatever so; long as you can enjoy yourself and get your mind off cutting in a healthy way.I know how these feeling can either creep up or hit you like a truck. The urge to self-harm is one thing that only it's victims can truly understand. When these urges come, it may initially be difficult to "re-route" your thoughts to something other than cutting, but if you stick with it, it gets much easier as time goes by.Others with self-harm issues have successfully done this and I feel as though I should give a word of warning. If the activity does not at least help you stop cutting, then more than likely you have chosen the wrong activity. When you discover the right activity and stop cutting, you will likely find yourself obsessed with this activity. It's very common for an ex-cutter to become so engrossed in whatever they pursue that it takes up a large percentage of their time and is often viewed by others as unhealthy. It's important that you realize this is perfectly normal and that your obsession will eventually fade. For example, if you start building model cars, don't freak out if before you know it you've built dozens...it's better than cutting and you'll feel a lot better about yourself.
Is self harm really just a 'phase' or a 'teen' thing?
Self-harm is not just a 'phase' or 'teen' thing, but it is also not a mental illness in itself...it's a symptom of a mental illness. "Although self-harm is rarely a suicidal act, it must be taken seriously because accidental deaths do occur. It’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel but breaking the cycle of self-abuse is possible if you reach out to someone you trust. Finding new ways of coping with your feelings can help to tone down the intense urges you feel which results in you hurting yourself. Recovery is a continuous process and learning how to stop this addictive behavior is within your reach if you work at it." (1) About 2 million people in the United States are self-injurers, inflicting physical damage on themselves as a way to cope with problems. Self-injurers can be male or female, and the range is typically from 14 to 60 (though there are many exceptions). I'll give myself as an example. I am a recovering self-injurer. From the time I was in third grade, I would scratch at my skin until it bled, pick at scabs, and hit my head against walls to distract myself from my life. I was abused mentally and emotionally by my mother, and was bullied throughout all my school years. The self-injury is a symptom of my condition, Borderline Personality Disorder (and possibly OCD). Controlling my urges to self-injure has helped me to start recovering from the abuse I suffered as a child. I do still self-injure, and the methods of self-injury and magnitude has increased (I used to only scratch and pick at scabs, then I went to cutting, and the most recent self-injury to myself put me in the hospital for a week, and it will take me another six months of treatment and surgeries to recover (severe burns), but the number of times I self-injure in a year has decreased. Recovering from self-injury habits is a long and painful process, but it can be done with lots of therapy, finding ways to keep busy and alternatives to physical damage (such as punishing oneself with not going to the movies or not getting dessert...yes, this does help sometimes), and having lots and lots of support from professionals, family, and friends. Hope that helps you understand a little more. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk more about it. Part of healing is talking.
Why do I keep dreaming about self-harm after I relapsed?
Im not sure friendI’m not a professional therapist or otherwiseI hope you can get to your therapist and uncover this turmoilSometimes we humans can create more trouble because we are addicted and use to responding to highly chaotic lives and dysfunction Whatever you do stay connected to nature and your spiritual power to heal and care for yourself and your body Moving into a self care and love will build up a wall against negative self defeating thoughts and behaviors Also you are detoxing from addiction on many levels not just the physical dependence! It’s months to rebuild a healthy thought life too after any kind of dependeny on a person or a drug of choice ! Say yes to happiness and yes to sober clean living ! Say yes to beauty and good people! Say yes to forgiveness to yourself and others ! Say yes I’m a beautiful person that is worthy of all goodness !SaeahSarah
What happens if I tell my therapist I relapsed into self harm?
So, I'm 19 and I've been seeing her since March. I stopped SI in February. So, she knows I used to, but she doesn't know how recently. I relapsed yesterday. I have an appointment Tuesday and I want to tell her but I'm afraid she'll send me to the hospital. I start school soon and I can't go in. If I tell what happens? Is that what she'll do?
Help me tell my boyfriend about my self harm...?
I have no idea how to. No hate please, don't tell me I'm emo and I only do it for attention; those will be reported. I know its bad, but I'm not stupid, I don't do drugs/drink; this is my only vice. I have been cutting for a while, since before we were even dating, but I stopped for almost 4 months. I'm in a relapse, currently. I do not want advice on how to stop; that isn't the question. We've been dating for almost seven months. But I don't want to tell him as a girlfriend, but as a best friend who needs him. I just can't possibly put it into words. I can't say, "Hey babe I cut my thighs real deep the other day." I want to be sincere. But, how do I get to that point in the convo? I feel like a coward. Help.
How do you tell your friend or drop signs that you're self harming? I've struggled before and told my best friend. I have relapsed and she hasn't noticed any changes and will never think to ask. How can I let her know without seeking attention?
I wouldn’t share this information with your friend. Why? Your friend is most probably ill-equipped mentally to deal with your self-harming. They firstly may not understand why you are doing it and secondly they may not understand the reason why and not be helpful because of their not being understanding why.You would be best reaching out to an appropriate professional in the medical field, such as a psychologist who specializes in self-harming.Putting this kind of stress of your friendship/relationship could damage it. Your friend may even be aware but if they don’t understand self-harm they may think you are tried to end your life possibly when it is to relief stress / pressure when you are very stressed in situations. Self-harm is a serious act of distress and asking the wrong person to take this on as a burden may end up with you feeling rejected if they are scared by the situation and decide to distance themselves from you because of it.Reach out to a qualified medical practitioner such as a psychiatrist or psychologist who is knowledgeable about self-harm. It will be a much wiser thing to do to help yourself feel better and well.I hope you feel better soon, I imagine you must be feeling a lot of pressure in your life to be self-harming.
What happens when I tell my therapist I self-harm?
I wasn’t going to answer this until I read the answers you already had received.A well trained therapist will know that what you are doing is not uncommon with survivors of abuse, and other issues and it does not mean you are mentally ill. However, you don’t want to make it a way of life because it hurts your self-esteem. Also you might accidentally go too far and do real damage to your body and your life. The first thing you want to do is ask your therapist if he or she has been trained in trauma resolve or abuse issues. If the therapist has simply had the basic training for all therapists, he or she will not be equipped to deal with this properly.Self harm is normally a cry for help or a way to release feelings the client has difficulty holding, like pain. It may actually mean you and your therapist are doing good work and some of the feelings you have been avoiding are coming up to be healed.Some things you can do to avoid self harm are holding an ice cube in your hands for a minute, using a bright red pen and scribbling wildly on a pad of paper. You can give the pain a voice and let it vent. Write down what it says and bring it to therapy. You do need a therapist who has specialized training in trauma resolve to deal with this so make sure you have that and don’t be afraid to ask your therapist if he or she has that special training. Again, inner child work alone won’t get it. Your therapist needs training in trauma resolve.Don’t be afraid to tell your therapist what is happening. He or she may want to have a contract with you that asks you to promise to contact him or her immediately if you start feeling suicidal or the self harm becomes life threatening. No experienced therapist will ever call the police or reveal this imformation unless you have become a danger to yourself or others.If you find out your therapist has not had any specific training in this area, you can ask for a referral from her or go to American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) they have a “therapist finder” link. If you put in your zip code a list of therapists will come up who are in your area, with their fees, their specialized training, which insurance they take and the url for their site.Hope this helps. Be brave. The fact that this is happening is your courageous self getting ready to heal the pain inside and deal with past issues. Go for it. You deserve to feel good inside and out.
How do I stop cutting myself?
i just relapsed after a long time not cutting and scared I can’t stop again. i mean, i was absolutely miserable always thinking about cutting myself literally every waking hour of the day and now i’m better but i know i shouldn’t be doing this sort of thing but i don’t know any other way to deal with everything. i’ve tried everything recommended (squeezing ice, snapping a rubber band, exercise, music) but it just means i spend hours in pain and end up cutting myself later and usually deeper. i can’t see a therapist or anything because my parents are kind of crazy (like my dad see me as his negligent mother and my mom is always really angry and bitter and goes off at any moment even if it isn’t something the person did) and i also kind of can’t talk about it. like, physically forming words in my mouth is impossible; i can’t do it. and i’m sorry and this is really long it’s just i don’t know what to do and it’s really scary because i seem like i’ve got it all together and nobody knows and i am all smiley and fine and such and everyone thinks i am happy because i can’t talk about things. even small things that everyone else will talk about and get over i will pretend it’s not there and i don’t know what to do.