Why are people so opposed to "blaming the victim"? What if the situation is largely the victim's fault?
Let's take this out of the realm of highly emotionally charged cases like rape or violent crime and see if the same logic of NOT blaming the victim applies. Even though the topics this is under imply that the question is directed at issues like rape, the question doesn't actually mention any specific type of situation.- A man drives a brand new Porsche into a crime ridden neighborhood at night. He parks in front of a building, leaves his car unlocked and running and goes in to see a friend for a hour. When he comes back out, his car is gone...stolen by opportunistic thieves. Certainly the thieves had no right to steal this man's car. But does the victim bare any blame in this case for incredibly poor decision making? If he had just exercised a little bit of common sense, all of this could have been avoided. In tort law, there is a concept called "due care". Here is an informal definition...Degree of care that an ordinary and reasonable person would normally exercise, over his or her own property or under circumstances like those at issue. This is a test of negligence.Obviously, the gentleman in this case did not exercise due care. This in no way should exempt the thieves from justice. But, did his complete foolishness in any way contribute to the situation?I think that we make choices as individuals. Those choices have consequences. Sometimes they can be foreseen and sometimes not. There are different kinds of blame, criminal, moral, practical and perhaps others. The man should not be criminally or morally blamed for his actions. But, does he not deserve some blame for just being stupid?Also, blame is not a limited thing where adding blame to the victim subtracts blame from the villain.
Do you hold grudges?
During my earlier teenage days I used to hold grudges over almost everything and anything that triggered me: people calling me fat; people commenting on parts of my body being not fat enough (the narcissism was real); people judging me based on my attire, lifestyle, optimism, sometimes pessimism, friend choices (the identity crisis was real)… you get the point. Intiation anger evolved into resentment and later revenge - it was tedious, strenous and exhausting both psychologically and emotionally. I thought I was becoming a proud apathetic misanthrope.Ripening over time, I realized why must I constantly live my life as a masochist? Holding grudges is a self-punitive expedition. I am unconsciously piling myself with unnecessary psychological burden. It’s simply impossible dictating others to change their minds, opinions, or attitudes. The only variable is readjusting the way I view the world. If everyone is indeed exhibiting their kaleidoscope of real colors, then why must I attempt in agony to repaint them? Why must I be so judgemental and critical of others simply because of the way they feel about me? In the wise words of one of my favorite novelist, Paulo Coelho, “ The world is changed by your example, not your opinion.” Letting go of grudges, hypocrisy, cynicism, external opinions, or even pluralistic ignorance doesn’t mean giving up. It is rather a rational choice which I’ve made regarding matters I deem “insignificant”, or simply things I decide to not care so much about. It is a gesture of burgeoning maturity, identity acceptance and self solidification. I’ve learnt to accept tribulations and stem from it; I’ve learnt to repect and appreciate people regardless of their past, present or future; I’ve learnt the imperative power of self-reflection. I am still learning to embrace imperfections and being “comfortable” with adversities. I am still en route to my psychological Atlantis :)